Stuck With Me
by Many Impossible Things
Summary: "Tears of the Sun" -After the world goes crazy over night, an American teacher finds herself running for her and her student's lives. Her life will never be the same after finding their salvation with Lt. Waters' SEAL team. M for swearing and violence.
1. I

Hello there! So, I know that next to no one is going to read this, but I've been really rather proud of it ever since I started it a few years ago and figured why not put it up. So, here it is. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy :)

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**Part I-Jungle, Nigeria, Africa**

When I came to Africa to teach, it hadn't ever even entered my wildest, most paranoid fears that at one point during my stay I'd be running for my life through the Nigerian jungle carrying an eight-year-old boy on my back.

Growing up in the suburbs of Wisconsin, I had never thought about enemy soldiers with guns coming in and shooting up the people they don't like. It just doesn't happen because there are no enemy soldiers. There are no enemies, period. Enemy is a relative term that you apply to rival football teams and people in history. There are no physical enemies to come in and shoot at you.

They were all too real when I _was_ running through that jungle, carrying Ngozi, scared to death that there were rebels whenever anything moved. It got to the point that I screamed my head off after a monkey swung down in front of me. Ngozi looked up at me, anxiety clear in his big brown eyes, and asked, "Miss Jessicka where are we going since we're lost?"

I didn't have much of a clue myself but I wasn't about to tell him that. He was scared, injured, lost thanks to me, and eight. I wasn't about to let him know that I was completely out of my element and just as scared as he was. I was his teacher. I was supposed to know, especially since we were both dead if the rebels found us. He was Ibo and I was American. We would not be popular with the rebels.

I managed to come up with something and tried my best to make it sound like I was on top of things, "If we don't find the mission we're gonna keep heading east. Cameroon isn't too horribly far. We'll try for it." In truth I had no idea how far away Cameroon was but it looked like I'd be running most of the way.

He thought about that for a second and then nodded, "Okay."

I kept running. Well after the truck had quit the morning before and then Ngozi sprained his ankle, I was at more of a forced jog. I'd never been what you'd call athletic. But I was a book person. If it was written down on paper somewhere I could find it and if it was considered a classic I'd read it. Unfortunately, I was going through the jungle, considerably rougher than the sidewalk, and had an extra fifty-five pounds on my back.

I had no way to know if the rebels were chasing us. I managed to be able to doubt it a little since we were just one woman and a little boy, that and we were already supposed to be dead. Yakubu's men didn't strike me as the type that after shooting up a school would check and count to make sure everybody was accounted for. For that matter, I doubted they had a lift of some kind. They just came in to shoot…

But I was scared. The full gravity of what Ngozi and I were running away from, what we'd seen, was being held at bay by some part of my mind. It was prioritizing. Fear kept me running to save our lives. And running on empty through a jungle that I didn't know didn't help. It was humid, heavy and dark in places. I had no idea what was making all the sounds. So all I could do was keep going, renewing the cycle of thoughts.

I glanced at my watch now and then. It was probably one of the only practical things I had on me…

I had to slow down after I slipped and fell twice. Ngozi was injured badly enough. I didn't need to get him hurt worse on top of being lost. He seemed ok though. He talked a lot. He kept going on about playing soccer and how he was going to be so much smarter than his sister Amaka now that he'd gone to school. In all honesty it was nice. His voice kept me distracted and it kept him from falling into a panic. I was panicked enough myself I didn't need him freaking out on me.

I had to admire the boy. He was hurt and running for his life and he didn't want anybody to know he was scared. And he was doing a fabulous job of it.

It was still drizzling down when I began to notice this sharp, weird smell. It kind of reminded me of this one time that a mouse had died in our basement only we couldn't find it for almost three weeks. My little sister had to go hurl when I grabbed it with the shovel to take it outside it was so rancid. And this: this was much, _much_ worse.

Ngozi screwed up his nose as it kept getting stronger, "What _is_ that?"

"I'm not sure…" I heard some gunfire and I added, "Let's keep quiet though." He nodded and kind of buried his face even further in the back of my neck, hiding his head underneath my brown ponytail. I slowed up to a cautious walk as the gunfire got closer—or we got closer to the gunfire. Eventually with it came screams. I tried as best I could to block them out of my head, like I had the other ones. It still didn't work too well.

We got to a point where the trees simply stopped. They didn't thin out or anything. They just completely cut off, revealing a dirt road and a village…and just feet away rebel soldiers with guns, screaming villagers, and a man shoved into a tire covered with gasoline. Looming above him there was a soldier holding a lighter. I could feel my mouth drop open. I honestly couldn't believe what I was seeing. I still didn't understand how they could do that. How do you do that to another person?

I stood there, paralyzed with fear and shock until Ngozi pulled me back to my senses. He had peeked his head out from its hiding place and he was seeing the same thing I was. He quivered and then started uncontrollably shaking as he watched. I quickly turned and set him down. I hugged him and let him bury his face in my chest. He was eight. He shouldn't have to see that.

He shouldn't have had to see a lot of things…

It then ran through my mind, how do kids who grow up in this _ever_ be normal? How do they get past this?

I was shaken from my thoughts when I heard this muffled whizzing sound and then the soldier crumpled to the ground behind us. I glanced back to see the other soldier clutching his weapon, searching. His eyes were darting everywhere, trying to see who shot his comrade. He didn't find that person.

He found me.

He raised his gun and leveled it at my chest. If I'd had any control over my body whatsoever I'd probably have screamed my head off. But before I had time to think, I'd shoved Ngozi to the ground and run and tackled the soldier. He was down, fighting with me on top of him before he could even fire. I pounded on his arm until the gun skittered away, but that was only because he was still in shock. Once he realized what'd just happened he punched me in the temple, making my vision flicker.

He was a good fifty pounds heavier than me and not eating anything for the last twenty-four hours but two mangos caught up with me. He had me pinned with a hand over my throat, squeezing tight, within seconds. His other hand was traveling a bit farther south. I screamed against his grip and tried kneeing him where it would do the most good but his leg was firmly over both my knees. I tried to struggle harder as my world started to go black-and then it stopped.

I heard the same sharp but still muffled whizzing then I felt hot liquid splatter on my face. The man just went limp. I screamed and kicked him off me once I realized he was dead. I scrambled away from him then looked around panicked, just like he had a minute ago. I thought I saw a man, or at least a person, up in a tree. I assumed he had the gun. I stared at him for a moment but he didn't fire. I let myself breathe a little. He wasn't shooting at me so I didn't care.

I picked myself up and grabbed Ngozi. I didn't have time to get him situated on my back again so I balanced him on my hip, ran back into the road. I mentally hesitated for a second, wondering if I should take the gun or not. I had no idea how to use it so I left it. What was the use of carrying something I couldn't operate? I just sprinted on pure adrenaline. I didn't have anything else.

By that time Ngozi was screaming along with shaking as we flew past the carnage of this miniature holocaust we were now suddenly part of. He could see all the dead bodies. He saw the piles and the people screaming. He could see all the blood. I didn't have the breath or heart to tell him to hush. I didn't blame him for screaming.

We ran past a cemetery that I knew if anyone was still around would be a lot fuller. I pressed Ngozi's face into my neck when I accidentally stepped into someone. Her stomach had been slashed open and I almost slipped on certain parts of her body that were never supposed to see the light of day. I choked back vomit as I pushed on, telling myself that she was dead and couldn't feel it.

I lost my foot again in mud that was saturated with rain and blood. I got it pulled out and when I looked up I saw a couple of men in camouflage. They didn't notice us, though. I was too scared to think about whose soldiers they were. I didn't even care that two of the three I saw were white. They had guns: I was running.

I wouldn't let Ngozi look until we were back into the foliage on the edge of the village. The grass was tall everywhere here. That with the ferns and trees. He wasn't going to see anymore but roof tops and smoke from the fires. But I knew that the damaging thing would be the noise. It was toxic. The screams that were cut off by gunshots. They were like a virus that worms its way into your head. You can't shake them.

I fell about fifty yards up the hill above the village. My legs were numb and shaking with exhaustion. I tried to stand up but I fell right back down. I just leaned back, looking to the sky. I panted, "Ngozi, I'm so, so sorry buddy but I can't... We'll rest here for a bit. We'll wait them out. They won't find us up here." I tried not to think about how I could possibly be lying to him right then.

He nodded, still shaking slightly, "Okay…" He scooted under some ferns unconsciously. He couldn't help that overwhelming urge to just hide from the world and hope that they don't notice you, that survival instinct.

I could only sit for a minute, panting and wheezing. When I was finally able to breathe through my nose again I crawled up onto my knees and looked down at the village. On the edge was a house, kind of by itself. I couldn't describe the screams of the woman inside. As soon as I heard her cut through the air itself, my blood ran cold. I felt the goose bumps pop up on my arms and legs. I glanced back to Ngozi, making sure he wasn't watching, before I turned back and bit my lip. My vision blurred. I had no idea what they were doing to her in there and I didn't want to know. I didn't want to know even though my mind was already drawing pictures of what they could be doing, adding my own illustrations to what I'd seen in my school. I let the tears spill a few seconds before trying to wipe them away.

All I could do was pray that someone helped her. The more she screamed the more my body leaned forward, wanting to go but my head held me back. I couldn't fight. I couldn't use a gun. I'd be absolutely no use to her and I knew it. That didn't make it feel any less horrible to just sit there.

I didn't move. I just sat there and cowered in the brush, listening to this poor woman get slowly slaughtered. And all I did was cry.

Then, I saw three soldiers running toward that house. This time I noticed that they weren't wearing the red berets of the rebels and that their camo looked different. It was darker. I leaned forward more, hopeful now. Maybe, just maybe they were good. Maybe they could do what I wouldn't. Two disappeared into the far side of the house from me and I saw another come around on my side to the backdoor. The shooting started almost instantly and the screams stopped. I let the breath I'd been holding out.

I watched the men down there. I didn't have a very good view of all three. I was at the wrong angle and two were too far back into the room. But the one who'd gone in the back I could see. I didn't know why but he looked…a little in disbelief. I couldn't explain it. He looked like he couldn't believe what he'd just done or what he'd just seen or what had just happened. It looked strange, that kind of look on a soldier.

I immediately scolded myself for that. He was a person too. Just because he was a soldier didn't mean that he didn't have a heart or a soul. If anything I should be grateful that he was unlike the rebel soldiers. They were soulless. I couldn't understand them. I could understand this soldier. I understood how he could find this wrong and disturbing and completely unbelievable. At least I hoped that's what he was thinking…

I watched him as he stood there, staring at the ground. I could see him clearly from where I was, the only hindrance being my own remaining tears.

He was fairly tall, probably between six foot and six two. And even from where I was and under all his gear I could tell that running into him would be like hitting a brick wall. He was built. Not the weird, over kill kind of built that you saw on professional athletes or those wrestler guys, though. He had dark hair that was styled into a mohawk. His face was covered in remnants of some kind of paint. I figured probably that camo stuff you usually saw soldiers wearing. It made sense. He had a rifle in his hand with a silencer and a shotgun I thought on his back.

I couldn't see the expression on his face. He didn't look up for the long moment that I watched him. I didn't know why but analyzing him made distracting myself easier… Until he looked up.

For the second time that day I was caught with a deer in the headlights look staring back at a man with a gun. I immediately ducked down into the brush. Just the slight rustle that the plants made sounded like I'd just set off an alarm. I stared back in fear at him. He was still staring at the spot I'd been a second earlier. He frowned, immediately raising his rifle with the silencer. I could see him second guessing himself. He wasn't sure if he'd really seen me.

I pressed myself further down to the ground. I could just see him through the leaves as someone behind him got his attention and he turned. He took a few steps inside but he glanced back up again. Only when they left the building completely did I move. It was time to go. I saw a group of people gather in the center of town, some of the non-rebel soldiers were with them.

I hesitated as I picked Ngozi up and got him settled on my back again. I didn't know whether to trust them or not. There were women and older people with them. Not exactly your average combatants around here. But I still wasn't sure. They could be all right. Just refugees like us…or they could be someone not so friendly. I wasn't about to risk Ngozi's life by making the wrong choice. I'd already gotten him into this deep enough.

They started walking out of the village, the mohawk soldier in the lead. They were moving northeast, leaning more toward east. I finally made up my mind. They were going the same way as us. If nothing else we could follow them to where we could get close enough to Cameroon. I ducked down a bit and made to follow them.

I tried to lighten my voice when I told Ngozi quietly, "We're going to follow them. I think they might be going to Cameroon too."

He sounded confused when he answered, "Why are you whispering?"

"Because I don't want them to know we're here."

I could hear the smile when he asked, "Like a game of hide-and-seek?"

"Exactly! So we have to be really quiet. We don't want them to find us." I smiled myself a little. Leave it to Ngozi to simplify the situation like that. He could find anything in life analogous to a game of some kind. And he'd never even heard of video games before. It wasn't exactly the ideal situation to want a child involved but since he was I was glad that Ngozi was with me. I was glad I wasn't alone and Ngozi was an optimistic, resilient kid.

"Okay!" he whispered back to me and settled his head onto my shoulder, scanning through the jungle for anyone hiding.


	2. II

Following them had seemed a good idea at the time but the actual doing was much harder than I anticipated.

I didn't know what these guys were but they were good. There were two men to the rear of the column at all times. And even from the distance I kept I knew that these weren't exactly guys I wanted to have catch me. I didn't like my odds.

Who was I kidding? Against any of these guys I didn't even _have_ odds. Every now and then one of them would seem to rotate out, going towards the middle and another would cycle back. One soldier remained there the entire afternoon.

He was about the same height as the soldier from before but this one was a bit bulkier I guess would be a way to put it. His build was a bit easier to pick out from under the camo and gear. He was built like a football player. He looked like he could be a decent one of those guys who tackles the guys who get thrown the ball. I wouldn't want to run into him either. He had short, buzzed hair. I couldn't tell exactly what color it was.

I swear he never stood still. His eyes were always moving, and if a noise materialized his gun always followed. He was my biggest problem. I was forced to duck behind things every time he stopped and looked behind. He knew I was back there. Something told me that he knew. But just like the mohawk soldier when he saw me, he wasn't sure. I just always got the weirdest feeling in my stomach when he would pause and scan behind the group.

The going was much slower than what the day before had been. There were times when we'd have to stay put for almost five or ten minutes to fall far enough behind. Ngozi kept himself busy, always whispering in my ear when we needed to stop or if he thought we were too close. It kept him distracted which was fine with me. I didn't care if it was a bit repetitive.

As it got darker the trail got harder to follow. I couldn't see it much anymore even with the full moon. So, we stumbled along. I didn't know if the others had stopped or if we were even still behind them. Ngozi was snoring in my ear when I decided that we'd stop for the night. If I kept going I'd probably end up in front of them or off course and either way I was exhausted.

I gently slid the Ngozi down off my back and put him on the driest piece of ground I could find. Up to this point in Africa I'd been living in a fairly good-sized city. I hadn't had to spend the night outside in the jungle with the background noise to _The Lion King_ being disturbingly close to home. Hyenas and ominous looking baboon monkeys weren't my habitual sleeping buddies but here they kept wandering by.

After lying down and not getting anywhere with the whole "sleep" concept, I gave up. As soon as I closed my eyes and felt that pull of sleep a jungle animal would open its big mouth and make me jump out of my skin all over again. I groaned and pulled myself up to a sitting position. I placed myself between Ngozi and the rest of the world. He was hidden in a small bunch of foliage—it was too dark to figure out what exactly—next to a downed tree.

He was sleeping deeply. He had managed to fall into that deep, uninterrupted, slumber that you only experienced when you more pass out from fatigue than fall asleep. I wished I could have that.

But as I sat there, glancing around from time to time, I knew that I wasn't very awake either. I couldn't sleep but by now my everything was spent. I sat there, my eyes drooping but never fully closing, and I began absently rocking back and forth. Sounds would jolt me up but I wasn't alert enough to do much good if one of those noises materialized into someone dangerous.

It was either because of that reason or the person sneaking up on us was just that silent that I didn't see it coming at all when I found the gun pressed to the back of my neck.

My eyes shot open and I opened my mouth to scream but there was a strong hand covering it before I could even inhale. A weak squeak was all that escaped. My eyes shot from side to side but my peripheral vision wasn't _that_ good. I couldn't get a look at my attacker. I heard the voice in my ear soon enough, "Stand up slowly or I will kill you."

I did as he said. I pushed myself up off the ground, making myself not look at Ngozi's hiding spot. But that was about the only sensible thing I did in the coming seconds. I was so scared that I completely ignored the fact this guy was definitely bigger than me and he was _strong_.

The gun disappeared for a moment as he turned me around by the shoulder. I balled up my fists in front of me and then once I was turned enough I swung one into his cheek. His head whipped sharply to the side but his hold on me didn't let up. His other hand, that had dropped the gun, came out, grabbed my throat and squeezed. My eyes widened more, now realizing just how outclassed I really was.

Flashbacks to earlier that day began. There wasn't going to be a soldier in a tree to save me this time…

I swung around and got the other side of his face. Immediately after, I kicked out and got his knee before lashing out as much as possible. He buckled slightly.

"Fuck!"

I froze where I'd been clawing at his face as I'd panicked and stared. If his hand hadn't still been firmly over it, my mouth would have dropped open. It was the soldier! The one with the Mohawk that I'd seen at the village. And by his voice—and word choice—he was American!

But I'd angered him. _Not_ a smart thing to do.

He squeezed my throat in tighter making sharply bright fireflies zigzag madly through my already tired vision. He held on until I was blacking out before taking a leg and swiping behind mine. I fell to the ground in a heap. He was glaring murderously at me as his left cheekbone began to swell. He loomed over me a second. I didn't move but said more quietly, "I'm an American."

He grabbed his gun off the ground and was immediately on my stomach, patting around for a weapon, ignoring my words. I groaned under his weight. He felt around everywhere, making me shift very uncomfortably at times, but then he seemed a bit embarrassed too. If I hadn't been staring straight up at him I wouldn't have noticed the fleeting look of reluctance when he got down to my pants. I started a bit. That was the first bit of actual emotion I'd seen.

But he _just_ patted, more than that rebel soldier could say, and he had a knife so I just kept quiet. He got to the pocket on my pants that was mid-thigh. This was the first time he'd found something.

He sent an inquiring look up at me as he reached in to get it. I opened my mouth to answer his unvoiced question but he was attacked by a flying eight-year-old before I got the chance. Ngozi had woken up somewhere in here and was now pounding this soldier with all he had. I could see the thinly held restraint this soldier had as well. He was tired and he was mad and he did not want to be doing this right now.

"Ngozi stop! No Ngozi!" I quickly sat up, grabbing for my little student. The soldier was still perched firmly on my legs which made that rather difficult. By then he'd grabbed both Ngozi's wrists and was holding the screaming and kicking little boy off the ground.

I grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled him from the soldier's grasp. Ngozi was still screaming as I held him to me, pinning his arms to his sides. "LEAVE MISS JESSICKA ALONE! You no kill us! I not let you!" In his anger, his voice morphed back into the juvenile habit of leaving out words and sounds when he talked.

The soldier froze and I saw pain wash across his face. Ngozi wasn't the first war-torn kid he'd come across that day and it was eating away at him. It hurt him to know that this little boy thought he was going to murder us. I stared at him during all this and he caught my gaze after a bit. His face hardened again, burying the emotion. I snapped my eyes away. The guy had an intense stare that I was too tired and scared to deal with.

I firmly cut through the boy's words, "Ngozi, stop it." His mouth snapped shut and he looked back up at me, confusion clouding his features. I nodded toward the man, "What is he?" Ngozi didn't answer so I prodded, "Come on, we learned this in school. What is he?"

The voice that answered me was uncertain and suspicious, "A soldier."

"That's right. But he's a good soldier. He's not going to kill us just to kill us. He's not like the others. Right…?"

I looked expectantly at the man for help. Finally he stood up, releasing my legs, and quietly said, "I'm not gonna hurt you. Come on. You're coming with me." I nodded, trying to show him that we didn't want to be trouble and stood.

I must've visibly wavered because he grasped my arm, immediately and effortlessly steadying me. I looked up at him, meeting his eyes again. I must've looked scared, despite my protests that he was a good soldier, because he swiftly let go. I tried to wipe the fear off my face. I managed a tiny smile, which with all things considered was quite a feat, "Thanks."

He just put away his pistol and slipped the silenced rifle off his shoulder and reiterated, "Come on."

I picked Ngozi up off the ground and got him settled piggy-back again. I could sense him sending looks back at the soldier who walked a foot or so behind us, gun in hand. "Why can't he walk?"

I glanced back and answered quietly back, "He sprained his ankle. I can get him, don't worry."

He looked at the Ngozi, and I saw a bit of a smirk, "Jeez kid. You've got a heck of an attack for being injured, buddy. Nice."

Ngozi looked at him again but this time all suspicion was gone. He smiled up at the soldier, loving the compliment. This soldier had a definite soft spot for kids. I suddenly wondered if he had any. After a moment, I focused back in on what Ngozi was saying.

"I like your hair. It's cool. What kind of soldier are you? Where are you from? Why are you here?"

The soldier was scanning the jungle with his eyes the whole time but he paid attention to every word Ngozi said. Again with the small, almost indistinguishable smirk and a lowered voice, he answered, "Quiet down a bit kid, but thanks. And I can't answer that yet. You have to talk to my CO first."

Ngozi quickly lowered his voice and prattled on, "What's a CO?"

I smiled as Ngozi's usual curiosity came back full force. A few minutes ago he'd been screaming and attacking someone, not wanting to die, and now he was sitting there making query after query. He'd be ok. But whether I would be was another matter entirely.

I didn't think I had done anything to it but now my left knee was starting to hurt. I tried to ignore it as we continued. I tried to pay attention to the two boys' conversation and my next step but somewhere that failed. I felt the soldier's hands tightly grab my upper arm and jerk me to the left out of nowhere. I started, looking around.

I had been inches from having a head on collision with a tree. I groaned. Great. Stupid jungle. Next I'll be attacked by Mufasa.

"Shhh, we have to be quiet Miss Jessicka." Ngozi immediately scolded me. Oh, I'd said that out loud! I looked around embarrassed and found that smirk on the soldier's face again. Yeah, I'd definitely said it out loud.

I whispered, after a muffled yawn, "I'm sorry Ngozi. I'll be quieter."

The soldier shook his head. "Don't worry about it. We're almost back. Hold up a minute."

I stopped but my legs didn't like that. They began shaking even as I stood. The soldier had been reaching his hand up towards his throat but he stopped midway there. He looked over at me, surveying me up and down. Under different circumstances I would have blushed, but here I knew he wasn't doing it to try and check me out. He was trying to figure out what was wrong with me. And seeing that he could've been far more hostile, I was thankful for it. He didn't trust me yet, and I suppose he wouldn't be good at his job if he did, and yet he was still worried about our health.

"Where're you hurt?"

I shook my head, again not meeting his gaze, "I'm not."

His eyes narrowed into a frown, "You're a horrible liar." My eyes snapped up to find his.

I sighed, not taking my eyes from him, "I'm not injured per se. I've just…we've…I've been constantly jogging for the past two days. Sleep hasn't exactly been my top priority either. I'm the word about a dozen steps up from exhausted."

He kept up that stare for a while until he gave something akin to a nod. Then he reached a hand up and pressed a black collar-like device around his neck. He spoke in a low voice, "Zee, I'm coming up on your eight o'clock with two extras. Do you copy?"

There was a pause as I imagined he got an answer. "Roger that." He grabbed my upper arm again and pulled us forward. Out of nowhere almost we came upon a very large tree. I saw two men up in its branches and clusters of people around the base. If he hadn't shown us, I would have completely missed the area. We would have been arrantly lost the next morning.

It was beginning to lighten slightly. The time of the morning where the purple is starting to turn pink and the sun is just peeking out on the horizon. The people were all sleeping. Three of the soldiers were awake, not counting ours. One of them, the black one I had seen earlier, came over. Our soldier hadn't let go of my arm and he didn't look like he was going to anytime soon. I wasn't sure but I didn't think it was because he didn't want us to run away. Even if I wouldn't admit it, he knew that if he let go I'd probably fall down.

"What'd you get?" the black soldier asked.

"The ghosts that Red was trying to catch all afternoon. They were running parallel to us about an eighth of a mile out."

They talked for a few more moments in some sort of lingo that I didn't quite understand, mainly due to my lack of sleep. I stood there, swaying slightly, still holding Ngozi and the soldier's grip still strong on my arm, until the black soldier ordered, "Come on. Let's get 'em to LT." I looked from one of them to the other. What on earth was an 'LT'?

LT as it turned out was another soldier, the head soldier. And he didn't seem to be too happy about having two people following him. He was sitting on a log, with another soldier I hadn't seen before, when we came up. He pinched the bridge of his nose before he noticed us but as soon as he did he was all business. I didn't think he let himself have the luxury of being tired anymore.

"Who are you?" Again, he didn't sound too happy. It's like Ngozi and I were an unneeded extra, like when you get two of the same ad in the paper.

Stay positive, I told myself. Blunt was good. I didn't have as many words to process. He looked like he was annoyed enough to ask again when I said, "Jessicka Francis and this is Ngozi."

"Why in the fuck are you following us?"

Ngozi gasped behind me, "Miss Jessicka, he said a bad word! Does he have to sit in the corner too?"

I couldn't help but laugh. I tried to bite my lip to keep it quiet but I couldn't. The innocence of the question amongst everything was just hilarious at that moment. Somehow the other soldiers managed to stay straight-faced but the way they shifted I thought they found it amusing too. I shook my head, "No, Ngozi. We don't have a corner out here to put him in, otherwise he would."

"Come on, what're you doing out here?"

I shrugged, holding back a yawn, "The same as you, I'd imagine. Trying to get out of Nigeria."

"Why're you in Nigeria in the first place? Why are you all the way out here?" His and his men's interest were immediately piqued. Unfortunately I didn't really want to retell this story.

"We're just here. I'm not here to kill you or anything! Do I look threatening to you? Do you think somebody could take a look at Ngozi's ankle?" I got snappy toward the end and I knew it but I didn't have enough processing capacity to care about manners.

LT though didn't like being given orders from a dirty, blood-stained little white girl apparently. Which, for an officer, I guess, is understandable. His glare, if possible, got even harder. "No, I don't think so. Not until you tell me what I need to know."

I groaned in exhaustion and it stripped the anger away just like that. Since when was I prone to such mood swings? Maybe it was this near death experience that wouldn't end. Whatever the reason I was back to my fairly normal, quiet voice when I tried again, "I'm sorry. That was rude. I'm a teacher. Ngozi is my student. We were from Yolingo. We're actually trying to find St. Michael's Mission but navigation isn't exactly my area. We found you. We followed you because it sounded better than our previous strategy. _Please_ take care of Ngozi."

There was a silence that I was a bit scared of. None of the soldiers in front of me moved and none spoke. It could have been ten seconds or ten minutes, I had no idea. It was more than likely the former though and when my impatience flared I resorted to begging. "_Please_! Please, just take a look. You've got to have a medic or corpsman or something, don't you? Please, you can interrogate me until I pass out, but don't be mean to Ngozi. He never did anything to you. He's just a kid! Please…"

I felt like a complete idiot for going through a mini-meltdown like that but the begging worked. LT nodded toward us to one of his men. "Take a look, Doc."

A soldier about the same height as mine and Ngozi's stepped forward and smiled at the boy. "Which ankle, buddy?"

The little boy stuck out his leg and I watched as the soldier unwrapped what had once been my extra shirt from around his ankle. I sensed that he wanted to get Ngozi off my back, to make it easier, but he said nothing. Perhaps the death grip that the boy had on my neck was answer enough. I kept quiet. It was taking all of my brain power to concentrate on stand up, eyes open, watch the men, and don't drop Ngozi.

LT looked at me now and then. He wasn't through with me but he would leave it for now. He was whispering with the black soldier from earlier. I looked around at the semi-circle of soldiers that surrounded us. There was the medic or corpsman, I didn't know what these guys were yet so I couldn't tell. He seemed friendly. Every time Ngozi asked a question about what he was doing it was answered without hesitation and with a comforting smile. There was the black soldier with the box on his back from earlier. There was another black man who had yet to say anything. One white guy again who had really short hair and looked oddly familiar. There was the guy who had been at the end of the pack the entire time we followed. There was another guy who stayed by the medic. He talked to Ngozi, too, and a smile seemed really natural on him. And then there was our soldier.

Before I got a chance to study anyone more Doc stepped away, "All done."

LT nodded, "Great. Now Miss Francis—"

"NGOZI!"

He didn't get the chance to finish his question. Two people ran over and when they were close enough I recognized them. I could feel Ngozi bouncing up and down in happiness. "Mommy! Dad!"

Patience was there in seconds and had wrenched him from my back so hard that I precariously swayed. Our soldier grabbed my other arm again before I could go down. I didn't know a thing about him but this Mohawk guy was really starting to come in handy for the keeping me from the colliding with inanimate objects problem I was having. I managed a grateful expression in his direction before I was ambushed by Patience then too.

She threw her arms around me in a hug, tears already streaming down her face. "Thank the Lord that you are here! How did you find us? I was so worried that Ngozi would be left behind. We heard about the horrible fighting in Yolingo. What happened? How are you? Are you hurt? Oh God be praised!"

I hugged her back but after the mention of Yolingo I couldn't smile. I just nodded, "We're fine. Ngozi just sprained his ankle running. He'll be all right." Then I forced a bit of a smile, "Right, Ngozi?"

He nodded zealously from where his father was holding him. "Yeah! I fell and hurt my ankle because I stepped on a mango." He pouted a bit, "It stunk. I bet that would never happen to one of them." He nodded to the soldiers still surrounding us, most of which were sporting very puzzled expressions.

I shuddered as Patience took a step back, again embracing her son. I didn't want to think about Yolingo now. I didn't want to see it all again. Flashes of memories began and I tried to fight the hyperventilation I knew was coming. A yawn suddenly hit me, which made me feel better. Less oxygen and I was dead tired anyway.

The family was still embracing when LT cut them short. His curt, succinct tone sliced through the air, "If you two could please care for your son for now that would be great. I need to speak with Ms. Francis here. Do you think you could step away?"

Musa nodded and grabbed Patience's arm when she hesitated. She looked at LT and then to me. She then said, "Lieutenant, Miss Jessicka is not a spy. She's not bad. I've known her since she came ten months ago. She is not evil."

"I never said she was but I still need to talk to her," was the lieutenant's firm answer. Patience stared him down until she nodded and let Musa lead her away.

Ngozi smiled at me over his father's shoulder and called, "Do we get to play the game again today?"

I put on the best smile I could muster for him and shook my head, "No, we'll find a different game today." He nodded and then I was left alone with the soldiers. I blinked a few times and then let out a huge yawn so that I missed the first part of the soldier's question.

"…game? What's the kid talking about?"

I forced my eyes to stay open and answered, "Yesterday when we were following you I told him we were playing hide-and-seek. That's how I kept him quiet. He can relate everything to a game."

"Why are you in Africa? What're you supposed to be?"

"Didn't I already mention that I was a teacher?"

My tone of slight irritation didn't faze him, "Where?"

"Yolingo."

"Why didn't you just stay there?"

I glared at him, "Oh yeah, just staying there would have worked beautifully wouldn't it? Ngozi and I—a 5'7" white woman and an 8-year-old Ibo boy— that would've been a grand old time!"

He glared, "I mean why didn't you get out at the embassy there?"

"There is no American embassy in Yolingo. Only the French have one."

I was in mid-yawn again when he asked his next question but this one cut me off and stopped me dead.

"Where are the rest of your students?"

I stared at him for a long, silent moment, my eyes wide and tears starting to cloud them. I let my gaze wander to other soldiers and began fiddling with my hands, picking at fingernail polish that had long since been worn off. I didn't want to answer that. I didn't want to think about that. No, no, no! Not that. My breathing picked up, shallow ragged breaths.

"Miss Francis…?" He kept it a question but there was something in LT's voice that I knew demanded an answer.

"Umm…I-I…they…"

I tried but my mouth wouldn't make words. As soon as I squeaked out a syllable it got clogged with tears. Then before I could do a thing more, I turned and abruptly lost all the non-contents of my stomach. I fell to my knees, dry heaving through tears, vaguely embarrassed in the back of my mind. Feeling strong arms wrap around my stomach, I was then pulled back upright. A hand stayed holding my arm but I couldn't look up yet.

"Sir, maybe there's a reason she doesn't wanna talk about it. Doc, you think she's in shock?" I was surprised to hear my soldier's voice where my answer still should have been. I looked up to see him looking back and forth from his boss to me. He lingered on me for a moment when his gaze met mine.

LT shook his head before Doc could answer, commandingly stating, "I figured that but I still need to know, Lake."

Finally I found my voice, at least a small part of it. "They're…dead. Two days ago soldiers came into the church where I taught and…" My voice hitched and I was caught for a second before pushing on, despite the horrible memories, "The soldiers came and…and they sh-shot the rest of the kids. They-they didn't even say anything. They just walked in and…and…and…. Ngozi and I were outside because he'd gotten in trouble at recess and I was talking to him. That's the only reason we're alive. All the others are gone. I-I couldn't even do anything for them. I was so scared and-and I thought they would come back and… There was so, so much blood! And the looks on their faces…they stared at me… They were just kids and those rebels murdered them! I couldn't protect them!"

I forced down the hysteria that I knew would make me too loud. I couldn't let Ngozi hear me. I didn't want him to ever think about that day again if I could help it. I took a few shaky breaths, settling myself down before finishing, "It's just Ngozi and me. I wanted to get him home."

I looked up again only when the silence reigned for longer than I expected. It was uncomfortable. They were all staring at me. And more than one looked like they wanted to just reach out and hug me. I reached up and ran my hand through my now filthy brown hair, pushing it from my face and waited.

"What do you know about Samuel Azuka and his son?"

I frowned, wondering how this was at all relevant. "He's the president. Or I guess he was. Weren't he and his family murdered by that Sadick guy?" My answer seemed to appease him on that front. I still had no idea what the purpose _of_ that front was but I counted my blessings.

It wasn't LT who asked the next question. It was the man with the box on his back. He had a deep, raspy voice that I hadn't noticed before. "How'd you find us?"

The relief must have shown on my face because a few of the men relaxed. They didn't want to have to deal with a crying, hysteric female in the midst of all this too and I didn't want to talk about the kids anymore. "We got kind of lost and when I couldn't find the mission and our truck ran out of gas, I just turned east and started running. Maps and I don't…get on well. We found the village, the one you were in."

"I know you, now," the oddly familiar one spoke up but then the circumstances of that recognition dawned on him. He turned to his commanding officer. "She's not with the rebels, sir. They were attacking her, too."

"How can you be sure, Flea?" LT was still skeptical. I wondered what it was that made him so passionate about finding a problem with me for a second before Flea continued.

"Because I shot the rebel soldier trying to rape her."

There was a sharp intake of breath all around and Lake's grip on my arm twitched. I looked over at his hand and then up at him. He looked beyond angry. There was this subdued rage in his eyes that didn't quite travel to his face but I caught it somehow. He looked livider than when I punched and clawed him up earlier.

His hold had tightened as I moved even just my head. He was afraid I might fall again. With the darkness beginning to creep into the edges of my vision I wasn't about to argue that possibility with him. He had a name now which was nice.

The silence was uncomfortable and I was grateful when it was broken again. "Where'd you go after the village?" The man who asked hadn't spoken before but he looked like he might be nice.

Lake answered me, comprehension dawning on him now too, "You were hiding on the hill."

I nodded, "Yeah, I…I was too scared out of my mind to come down and I had no idea who you were. I figured it'd be smarter to just trail after you until I was sure you weren't going to murder us." I involuntarily glanced down at my legs that were still shaking.

LT turned his penetrating gaze on me for a long minute before giving something akin to a nod. "All right but Lake, search her to make sure." With that he turned and started conversing with two of the others.

Lake nodded, "Yes, sir." Then he faced me and took a step closer.

I sighed and managed a slight smile, "Didn't we go through this already?" I managed to put my arms out to the sides and spread my feet a little.

He was already running his hands up and down my arms, despite the fact I was in short sleeves. He barked in a laconic monotone, "I'm following orders here, ma'am—" it was then that he noted my expression. His face softened a bit, like earlier when he saw Ngozi. That smirk he had appeared and he replied, "I was interrupted by a flying, attack kid the last time, though."

"True—ah!" He'd gotten to the rather embarrassing area of my behind and I wasn't expecting it. I glanced down at him with an eyebrow raised, "Just following orders…sure." This was good. My sense of humor, however small, was back. My traumatized condition was certainly showing through, though, because under normal circumstances that comment would've never made it out of my head.

One of the soldiers close by snorted, but Lake just sent me a look and didn't say anything. He reached my pocket and found what he hadn't had a chance to investigate last time. "Seriously?" He held up the jar of dark blue fingernail polish he'd discovered.

I suddenly felt sleepy and it took me a moment to answer. My voice even sounded groggy when I replied with embarrassment, "I like blue…"

My sight suddenly got very, very murky and it scared me. I blinked a few times, trying to bring people back into focus but they stayed hazy with these bright white dots that zoomed around everywhere, playing this odd sort of tag. LT was still muttering with the black man and the nice one. I started swaying again. I shook my head, trying to right myself but that refused to work too.

I saw Lake frown at me and quickly rise. He took a hold of my arm again. I vaguely registered his voice saying something and then I heard someone else calling my name.

"Miss Francis? Miss Francis…? Hey, what's her first name again?"

I don't know who answered him. "Jessicka."

A big, human-shaped blotch pervaded my vision. He had a bandana over his hair. I knew who he was… He was Doc. That's it. I saw his mouth moving but lip-reading was never my strong point. So, as soon as his lips were still, I blurted out with my eyes already closing, "LT, sir…do you think I could pass out now…?"

My knees had finally refused to hold me and I was out cold before he could give me permission of any sort.


	3. III

The first thought to enter my head was this puzzlement as to why the world was upside down.

It didn't make any sense. Why was the light coming out of the ground? Then I realized that I was slung over someone's shoulder and we were going over a very rough spot. My eyes snapped fully open when my head bounced up and collided with the corner of something undeniably hard.

I groaned. "You people have horribly lax pillow standards."

I heard a snort then, "LT, she's awake." I didn't recognize the voice off hand and I didn't exactly have a stellar angle of the man. I heard a small click and then he asked, "You feel any better?"

I tried to shrug, which was weird upside down, "Yeah, I guess so, you know, aside from the sky sprouting trees and all."

He seemed to smile again, "I'll put you down as soon as Doc gives me the okay. No offense intended but you're not exactly in the right shape for a two day marathon."

"I'd become indubitably aware of the fact, too." I yawned suddenly and asked, "How long _have_ I been out?"

"Couple of hours. You could've used some more but…" He sounded concerned about me which was an encouraging change.

I noticed the pack he had on. It looked heavy and I could tell he had a weapon in his hands as well. I cleared my throat a bit, "I'm sorry you have to carry me along with all your other stuff. I can walk now if you want."

He firmly shook his head, "Nope. Not until Doc or Kendricks gives the go ahead. You're not heavy so don't worry about it…ummm, what's your name again?"

"Jessicka. Who're you?"

For some reason, my bluntness seemed to amuse him again. He snickered a bit before answering, "Slo. Hey, I was going to ask. Why did you go through all this just to get the kid home?"

I frowned in disbelief. How could he not know? I thought it had been obvious. I answered him, vaguely registering a slight click before I began, "I couldn't just leave him there to die in Yolingo… He's innocent and he deserved to see his family. He's just a kid. I couldn't abandon him."

"Yeah, but you could've just made your way to an embassy and let them deal with him."

"No I couldn't! I wouldn't leave him with strangers who don't know anything about him. They would've just shoved him out the door. He needed to go home. What kind of person would just leave him?!" I was angry about the whole subject now. What kind of person did Slo think I was? But then I sighed, "I failed the rest of those kids; I couldn't fail him too…"

I heard that clicking again right before he said soothingly, "Hey, I'm not criticizing you. It was really brave what you did. You saved that kid's life. Not bad for a teacher and there was nothing you could have done for the rest. Trust me. It doesn't make it feel any better, but you couldn't have done anything."

What remained of my anger cooled, "Oh... thanks." It was about then that I looked up and saw another familiar face. I smiled, "Hi Dr. Kendricks."

The Italian woman smiled back at me. Her black hair swayed in her ponytail as she walked up. "Hi Jessicka. How many times do I have to tell you to just call me by my first name? If you insist on being Jessicka then I'm just Lena."

Slo seemed surprised, "You two know each other now?"

Lena nodded, "Jessicka came to the mission to pick up Ngozi and some other children to take them to school. Could you put her down for a moment, please?" Slo nodded and he effortlessly got me up, over his shoulder and then onto the ground. Lena was in front of me, looking at my eyes. "Are you hurt?"

I shook my head, "No, just tired. I can walk." I was already tired of being the invalid.

But the motion of my neck seemed to capture her attention. She put a finger under my chin and tilted my head back. I heard her suck in a sympathetic breath. "What in God's name happened, Jessicka?" Her fingers brushed over the skin on my neck and it was sore but I expected that. All of me was sore.

I frowned, having no idea what she was talking about. "Umm, nothing. Why?"

Slo had knelt next to her by then and his eyes widened a bit, "Shit! Who the fuck did that?"

"What are you guys talking about?" I was still at a complete loss here.

Lena and Slo exchanged a look and they both looked uncomfortable before turning back to me. Lena began slowly, diffidently, "Did anything happen to you, Jessicka?"

I slowly shook my head, "Nothing aside from being shot at, attacked, and chased through the jungle. What's wrong?" I lifted a self-conscious hand up to try and figure out what they were looking at.

Slo rummaged around in his pack for a bit before pulling out something shiny and semi-reflective. I didn't know what it was but I didn't care once he held it up to my neck. Huge purple and blue bruises completely covered my neck. There were very distinct finger marks that were a darker, nastier shade than the rest. I blinked at my own reflection a few times. I managed to clear my throat, "Wow. That explains why my throat is so sore…"

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Lake walk past. He froze and stared for a long moment once he noticed what the big deal was about. I saw this look of complete self-loathing cross his face immediately. After seeing me looking, he swung around and kept walking the way he had been. I winced on the inside for him. He felt guilty. He thought he'd done it.

I then understood what Lena and Slo were getting at. They thought that somebody had done something very bad while holding me down by the neck. I firmly shook my head. "That did not happen. I promise." I decided that was enough elucidation. I didn't want to go into it and that answered their question.

Slowly both of them began to nod. Lena smiled a bit, "Good. I'm glad you're all right." She stood and held out a hand for me. When she saw that I didn't immediately collapse she looked to Slo, "She's good to go if you can find her some food."

"That I can do." He was talking into his little speaker within a few seconds.

I sat back down as Lena walked back to some of the others and Slo went about getting me breakfast. I sighed before pushing myself up a few minutes later. Five feet eight inches is usually not such an unmanageable elevation. But standing up right then made me sway just as badly as before. I was on my way down again when a familiar hand grabbed my arm.

I looked up to see Lake. I smiled gratefully, "Thanks."

He just nodded, "No problem. You all right?" He sent a dark, guilty look toward my neck.

I nodded to that and he walked away towards the front before I could get a word out. I frowned a bit. Okay, he was surprisingly cold. Did he have this weird switch he could just flip with his emotions or what? I puzzled over that while I slipped into the line. The refugees around me smiled and I nodded back with a smile but then we focused on the next step in front of us.

Were all soldiers this confusing or did I just not understand them?

It took me a good portion of what was probably an hour to figure it out. He had to be able to detach himself. He couldn't get emotional when he was in a foreign country that was trying to kill him. Your mind and reason judged things and needed to function differently when you were in life or death situations. I should have known that by then myself. And guilt about me wasn't something he needed hanging over his head.

With that figured out I actually looked around at the scenery. There was a fabulously excessive amount of green. When they say that you sweat your weight in the jungle they aren't kidding. It's humid almost to the point of being able to drink out of the air. I was in brown cargo pants and a light blue tank and I was still hot. The crazy thing was that I saw probably five or six monkeys in just a little while. It was like a walk-in zoo. It was cool…

That's it Jessicka. Stay optimistic.

And with my wonderfully wandering mind, I managed to land back at the church and my students and all those dead little kids that I wouldn't let Ngozi see… I was very quiet as I walked. He hadn't seen any of the bodies. I wouldn't let him. I had pressed his face into my shoulder and run as fast as I could into the alleys. Then I'd found the truck. Somebody had left the keys in it and I'd always been able to drive a stick so we were off, getting him home the only coherent thought in my shocked mind.

I was the one that saw the blood and bodies. I shivered even in the heat. I bit my lip trying to hold everything back. I jumped a foot in the air when I felt the hand on my shoulder. I let out a scream that I quickly muted with my hands before whipping around.

A soldier whose name I didn't know stood there with his hands up in surrender. He was holding a plastic bag in one hand. "Calm down, ma'am. I'm not gonna hurt ya. Slo and LT had me bring ya food."

I just nodded. My heartbeat hadn't quite gotten back down under five hundred yet.

He frowned at me a bit, "Ya all right, ma'am? Lake said ya were still tipsy earlier."

I took a deep breath and looked up at him, "Just jumpy." I tried to look convincing but he didn't buy it. Acting had never been something I was good at. Lying I could do if necessity called for it but pulling it off was always the hard part. This soldier could see right through me without any effort put out I was sure.

He didn't say anything though, "Ya sure, Miss Francis?" He handed me the bags as he said it.

I nodded, "Yeah. But if you want me to answer Jessicka will probably get you farther." I tried to get the plastic open. Didn't work that well.

He took them back and pulled out a knife, "I'm Red." He handed my food back.

"Thanks." I tried to smile gratefully. The whole smile mechanism was still going through a convalescence stage.

"No problem." As we walked and I began to eat my peanut butter and crackers, he slid his gun back into his hands. These were hard core soldiers right here. They weren't comfortable unless they were armed.

I glanced at the weapon and then at him a few times before asking, "Ummm, how far away are they?"

"No idea what you're talking about." Red wouldn't look at me.

I frowned, slightly irritated he thought I was that clueless, "Everybody's quiet, none of you will put your guns down for anything, your LT interrogates me thinking I'm a spy and we're all in the middle of a religious genocide. Need I continue?"

My outburst was greeted with silence at first. I looked from him to the other soldiers and then back. When I got back to Red I found him looking very intently at me. I don't know what exactly it was he found in my face but I'm guessing it was probably fear. Even so he kind of pursed his lips and then muttered, "About an hour and they're a lot faster than we are."

I nodded and said nothing. Goodie, more unpleasant encounters with the fascist, blood-crazed militia. This would end well.

The optimism I was so desperately trying to create for myself jolted precariously for a few moments as I wished for one thing more than anything else in the entire world:

I wanted to go home!

I let my mind argue about it. I couldn't get home. I couldn't teleport. It wasn't going to happen so I was just going to have to suck it up and stay alive. Whining about it even to me—especially to myself—wasn't going to help anyone or the situation whatsoever. So, I was just going to stop. Home sucked anyway.

I looked up and saw that Red was still walking next to me. "Hey Red, you've been shot at and everything before, correct?"

He looked at me incredulously. I felt like a complete idiot under his gaze. He finally just shook his head with a bit of a smirk, "Jessicka, I'm a Navy SEAL. We've all been shot at before."

Wow. I hadn't known they were SEALs. I may not have known much about the military aside the fact that they carried guns, said sir and protected us but I knew who SEALs were. I knew that they were the elite. Now I felt even more ridiculous about my next question. "Ummm, any ideas on how to avoid that, the whole getting shot thing?"

Something like a smile seemed to form at his mouth. He actually laughed a bit before shaking his head. "Just keep your head down and do what we tell you."

"Oh, okay. I'll stick with that."

He smiled at me for real this time. "You'll be fine. And if you happen to find yourself alone, just remember to conserve ammo. Don't go Rambo on anybody's ass. It doesn't work."

I merely nodded again, pondering that and chewing on it as much as my crackers, "Okay… Hey Red, could you do something for me?" His nod signaled me to continue, "Could you tell Lake that my neck wasn't his fault. I got it before he caught up to us in the forest. It looked like he's been feeling bad about it and he doesn't need to…" Red clapped a hand on my shoulder with a smile before walking away.

But my cracker nibbling was cut short all too soon.

Not long after leaving me, Red ran away from the group, back towards where he said the rebels were coming after us. I knew it was weird since I had just met him but I really wanted him to be all right. I wanted all of these men and women to be all right. I didn't even know most of their names but I was worried about them.

Not fifteen minutes after he left, I heard explosions from behind us. I jumped in spite of myself. None of the other refugees did. I guess they didn't realize what it was right away. I thought I was imagining it but then I took a look at Lake. Again, it was weird since I'd known him less than six hours but I could read his face easier than the other soldiers. He looked back over his shoulder immediately after I jumped. There was something happening back there.

Another five minutes later, we were resting by a river and Red ran up from behind us. I was sitting by Ngozi, Lena, Patience, and, as I now knew, Arthur Azuka. Ngozi had thankfully not fully grasped the fact that we were being chased by evil people. He smiled when he saw Red run up. "Where's he been? What was he doing?"

Lena and Patience looked at each other, hesitating that one moment that kids always pick up on, but by now I was apparently better at lying to Ngozi than they were. I instantly smiled and explained, "He was spying on the other team. See today we're playing a special kind of tag. In this one, you have to get to base and the soldiers are taking us to base. And we have to stay away from the rebels because they're it. Red there, he went back to see where the rebels are so they can't tag us before we get to base."

Ngozi thought about that for a second then nodded, "Okay. I understand. When do we get to be it?"

I grinned at him, "After we get to base, maybe."

We both looked up to see Lena and his mommy giving us some very odd looks. He began explaining to them how we played a game all the day before. While he did that I looked around, just in time to see Lake's eyes on me.

The soldiers were all in a circle at the front of the group, talking about something. I couldn't make out what, nor was I sure that I wanted to know. I looked up and he was looking straight at me. But then after not two seconds he turned back to his friends. I frowned. I was turning out to be confused a lot.

Their little meeting broke up a few moments after and we were all ordered up. I was getting much better with my footing and my equilibrium issues were considerably reduced… despite the fact that I was still exhausted.


	4. IV

I walked with Patience, Ngozi, and Musa again. Or rather, we all crouched down and inched our way along behind the soldiers together. I did what Red had suggested. I did exactly as they told me. At some points we were crawling on all fours and I let Ngozi ride on my back again.

No one spoke anymore. There was no singing or sporadic conversation. Everything was quiet and silent and, except us, motionless. It was too silent. It made me uneasy.

We were coming up to a clearing when we were told to stop and crouch down. I was towards the front and I could see easily through the grass. I saw the soldiers in a line of sorts in front of us but Lake was out by himself, clearing the path I guess.

And then all of a sudden he was gone!

He was on the ground before I heard the gunshot. I gasped. I didn't want him to be dead. I didn't even want him to be shot! Lake had saved us. I didn't want him to be dead. I could vaguely hear Red in the background saying, "Sniper at eleven o'clock," as if it were an everyday occurrence.

Doc and LT ran up towards where Lake had gone down. Not two minutes later I saw Lake get up. I had this undeniable sense of relief just flood over me. He wasn't dead! Then the firefight and explosions began.

I could say that I kept my head. I handled it with no problems whatsoever. I could say that I didn't fall to the ground screeching and that I didn't curl up in the fetal position. I could say that I didn't let out a scream to wake the dead when I got shrapnel in my shoulder. I could say also that I knew exactly what happened to everyone else after that.

But I'd be lying.

I did every one of those things. And I can't remember everything. Events began to blend together. One bullet whizzing by my head was just like ten others; my brain stopped differentiating. When the RPG hit where we were hiding, I fell. I got that shrapnel in my shoulder and I screamed. As soon as my ears quit ringing and I got up the courage to look around I felt a hand on my arm. I looked up to once again see Lake looming over me with a masked kind of concern. He got me upright and then pointed forward. I grabbed up Ngozi and Patience's hands and began running, pulling her behind me and balancing him on my hip. She was in no condition to do anything.

Musa was lying on the ground next to her dead. I wouldn't be in a state to do much either.

We were just across the stream when I tripped. My knee came crashing into one of the rocks on the bank making a bad gash. I shoved Ngozi toward Patience and yelled at them to keep running as I tried to pick myself up. I had just gotten up off the rock when Lena and Arthur were sprinting by. I ran with them for maybe ten steps before another RPG hit.

I only saw the flash, heard the explosion, and felt myself flying for a moment before being out cold.

For the second time in the same day I woke up to a sharp pain. I groaned as I felt a trickle of blood running down my back from the wounds in my shoulder. I had pushed myself up to sitting when I realized that there was no gunfire. I frowned before slowly getting up and making my way back toward the river.

I saw the younger black soldier lying in the river. I immediately ran over to him and checked for a pulse. He was dead. I jumped back from him, falling into the water. I was acquiring a pathological fear of dead people it seemed.

I'm not sure why because it makes no sense but I kept walking backward like that. I didn't go forward toward Cameroon. I was still too scared. I stumbled through the brush, not realizing I was crying hysterically until I heard myself sob into my arm as I looked.

Four down. There were four of our soldiers down at least. The one in the river, Slo who had carried me earlier, the one who had sniped the rebel earlier for me…and Lake. As I stumbled back, I stopped and closed the first three's eyes. Slo's face was set in a look of peaceful pain that made my soul heave as I closed his brown eyes for the last time. He'd been so funny and so kind.

They were all down in the field not moving. There were a lot more dead rebels than them. Probably ten times as many. There were some of us refugees, too.

That's where Lake was. He was covering up a young woman, who I knew was dead, so she wouldn't be stepped on. I recognized her vaguely. She'd walked with Lena, Patience and me for a while. She'd been nice. I thought her name was Kara.

I sunk down to the ground, rocking back and forth on my heels. I tried to keep my mouth buried in my arm. I wasn't ready to cry out loud yet. And I also knew that if any rebels were still around it wouldn't be smart to draw their attention. I was sitting there for a bit. It felt like nothing moved, not even the wind was blowing.

Maybe that's why Lake suddenly rolling off Kara scared me so badly.

My scream would have definitely drawn attention if it hadn't been buried in my arm. He groaned in pain as he hit the ground again. He hadn't meant to roll all the way onto his stomach I don't think. I stared at him for a moment with wide eyes. He blinked in my direction a few times trying to bring me into focus before frowning. He opened his mouth as if to say something but we both heard it at the same time.

They were coming back. Whatever rebels were still around were coming through the brush and being very loud. Lake's eyes flicked from their direction back to where I was huddled about ten feet from him. There was no room for argument with him in his tone or his eyes when he ordered in a whisper, "Hide!"

I didn't want to leave him there but as soon as I started to shake my head his eyes narrowed even more and he jerked his head toward a stand of ferns. "_Now_!" There was a lot of pain associated with whisper-yelling at me and I didn't want to cause him any more so I went. I wasn't happy about it but I was too scared to argue with the one person who knew what he was doing. I scrambled up and sprinted as best I could to those ferns. I slid into something hard and metallic as I did. I frowned as I crouched down out of sight.

My hands found the shotgun that Lake had slung on his back earlier. I had no idea how to use a gun but I checked for those red bullets shotguns used anyway. There were none. I held onto it. I didn't know why as I looked up to see a group of four rebels coming through the jungle.

They were surprisingly cheerful with their machine guns and berets. And they looked disturbingly happier when they caught sight of Lake lying there in the middle of the clearing. He'd closed his eyes again and he was subtly fishing in his pocket for something I couldn't make out.

I watched with horror as the soldiers pointed at him and one of them winked at the others. That one pulled some sort of lever on his gun and was grinning when he walked towards Lake, the gun pointing straight at him. It took me a second to realize what he was going to do. It didn't matter that he looked dead; they were still going to shoot Lake up!

The other three were now between Lake and I, their backs toward me. Somewhere from underneath all the fear I got mad. This wasn't right! This wasn't right at all and I wasn't going to let it happen! I didn't think. I just did.

As the rebel smirked back at his friends I grabbed the shotgun up in my hands. I stood up and choked up on the barrel like a baseball bat and swung it into the nearest soldier's head.

He dropped like a rock and he was dead.

The others stared at me in shock long enough that I got another swing in at one more soldier. He was down too but only with a bad headache. The remaining two wised up after that.

The smug one, who was now explicitly less so, swung the gun up from pointing at Lake to me. I was staring down the barrel of a machine gun for a split second, waiting to die, before the soldier keeled over with a knife in his throat. The last one didn't waste any time. He just started shooting at me, completely ignoring Lake. I screamed as I got a bullet tear through the skin of my already wounded shoulder. I lost my footing and was on the ground but the soldier was down before I was. He also had a knife in his back.

I looked up in shock at Lake. He was trying to fight down the blood he was beginning to spit up. I, expressly ignoring the dead rebels, picked myself up and ran to him. I helped him roll onto his back only to want to start throwing up myself. He had two good sized holes in his stomach. Plus there were bullet holes in both his shoulders. Only the one from what seemed like an eternity ago that Doc had fixed was bandaged. I could feel the blood practically drain from my face as I just stared for a minute, wondering what in the world to do.

"What in the fuck was that?"

I frowned up at him, "Huh?"

He rolled his eyes, or at least tried to. He didn't quite make his whole annoyed statement before elaborating, "What the fuck was up with you a minute ago? I thought I told you to hide."

"Well, I didn't want you to get shot some more. I'm sick of people getting shot today." Then I forced myself to look back at his stomach. I tried to remember back to anything that would help me in that situation—I drew a blank.

So, despite a slight annoyance, I looked back at Lake, trying to ask him what to do. But his eyes were closed. I panicked. "Lake?! Lake, wake up! LAKE!"

His eyes snapped open and he groaned, "What?"

If he hadn't been hurt I could've slapped him. "Don't do that to me!" For some reason that seemed to amuse him. I rolled my eyes again, "Come on, stop. Do you know how to fix this?" I gestured to his stomach.

He weakly nodded, "Find something to stem the blood flow. Use my jacket." He tried to sit up by himself but didn't make it. I caught him before he could fall back and held him up enough in my lap to help get the jacket off. Then I tried to gently lay him back down again.

Using what little and useless medical knowledge I had from shows like Grey's Anatomy and such I just pressed it to his stomach. He groaned in pain, "Christ, not that hard!"

"Sorry." I let up and he sort of nodded. "Now what?"

How he was still lucid and coherent I still can't understand. I would have been somewhere between passed out completely or screaming and bawling in pain. But Lake just laid there. He was calm and stoic, thinking of what to do. He was in pain—a lot of pain—but I could only see it in his eyes. I waited as his blood soaked into the jacket and onto my hands. It occurred to me that it would have been better if I had some hand sanitizer or something. I didn't want to get dirt in the wound…

He pulled me back to the present with the order, "Take a look and make sure there's no arteries cut. I don't think there are since I'm not dead but double check." I did as he asked. There wasn't anything big that was spurting blood, so I decided that was a no.

"No, there aren't any arteries."

"Okay, now how about your shoulder?"

I frowned, completely lost as to how we'd jumped from his stomach to my pitiful shoulder, "What about it?"

"How is it? Is there anything cut in yours?!"

"I don't care! It's been bleeding since the last time I was knocked out. I'm not dead yet."

"Well take care of yourself first."

"No." I'm sure he was beginning to see how insane I thought him by then. There was no way that I was going to work on my own flesh wounds while he literally had holes through his middle. "No, I will not! You're…You're _this_ and I've got some cuts and bruises. We're working on you."

There was an annoyed silence in which I'm sure he was looking for a logical, military reason for me to do as he said. I cut him off before he could begin, "It's that or I just wrap this jacket around you and I haul you to Cameroon like I've been carrying Ngozi. Then we'll see how good of shape I'm in."

He pondered that for a few moments before rolling his eyes at me, "Fine."

Lake was just about to say more when we both heard it. There would be a lot more than just four soldiers coming to see us in a matter of moments. Perhaps my screaming earlier hadn't been the most beneficial thing for us. My gaze was immediately directed at him again.

"Help get me up. We need to make it to some cover." He tried to push himself up before I could even put a hand on him. Needless to say he failed, something even an idiot would know he didn't like doing. I quickly grabbed a hold of his less bloody arm and wrapped my other arm around the upper part of his chest. My legs actually did what I wanted them to and we were up. He started stumbling headlong toward my ferns from earlier before I could think about walking.

He almost knocked me off balance but next we were out of sight. I fell just as we came to a stop and he was right behind me. I heard the hiss that made its way through his teeth that time when he landed right on top of me. For a second he made to roll off but I grabbed his arm. They were too close. They'd hear. So we both turned out heads to watch the feet go by, his cheek coming to rest on mine. Lake was too exhausted to even keep his head up.

For a couple rows of marching feet I thought that we'd gotten away with it—I was wrong.

The next thing I knew I had a gun in my face again and a screaming soldier spraying spit on us. He grabbed the back of Lake's uniform but I kept a strong hold around his chest. There was no way I was going to let them start throwing him around. Just because I couldn't fix him didn't mean I was going to let them hurt him more. Lake groaned in pain as we fought over who had a better hold of him. It terrified me but I saw fear for the first time in his eyes. He mouthed to me with eyes wide with pain, "Don't let go."

I didn't even see what hit me over the head seconds later. I'd just made a new record for myself. Knocked out three times in the last twelve hours


	5. V

It was pitch black when I came to again. For a few agonizing seconds I thought I'd gone blind. One too many hits to the head and whatnot. My eyes slowly adjusted to the dark enough to see the light coming from under the door of wherever I was. It took everything I had not to let my nerves make me lose what little I had in my stomach. Instead I forced myself to sit. Then I saw Lake.

The need to throw up immediately left me. Now I just wanted to start crying in despair.

It was true I didn't know him well. A small part of my head questioned why I was sobbing hysterically over a man whose first name I didn't even know. It didn't make sense… I honestly didn't care.

Lake was lying on this makeshift cot. His right arm hung limply over the side and his feet were both over the end. His face was turned away from me but I could tell his eyes were closed. Crumpled up into a ball being used as a pillow, was his jacket. There were only remnants of his black t-shirt left. His dog tags were lying amongst the blood that covered his chest. By some odd miracle, his radio was still Velcroed around the base of his neck.

Apparently while I had been blacked out, our captors had deemed it appropriate to operate on him. I crawled over to him. Everything looked like it was sewn up correctly. At least, he wasn't bleeding anymore. There were five, blood-covered bullets in a small pile next to one of his legs. I gingerly reached out to grab one.

Where had that one been? His stomach, his shoulder? Then it occurred to me to check his arms. I couldn't find any needle marks. No IV, no painkillers, no relief. Biting my lip, I put my ear to his chest, just to make sure. The usually comforting rhythm of a heartbeat was slow but constant inside his vessels. I let out a breath.

As I turned his head to face me, the door banged open. I jumped, scrambling to face the newest guests. For being terrified enough to wet myself, possibly pass out even, my stubborn streak painted itself across my brain with an immediate and arrant passion. I didn't care that these men were killers. I didn't care that their dark faces were looking at me like I was an insignificant mouse and they pythons. I didn't care that they were strong and armed with guns and knives.

I didn't care. They were not getting to Lake. It was not going to happen. Caboose on thought train.

"Hello girl." A shorter black man probably in his mid-fifties emerged from the center of the group. He apparently considered himself special since he had a bigger piece of metal on his uniform than the others. Part of me wanted to laugh at his vanity. He was definitely the mirror type. His English was labored behind the accent.

The invidious voice continued, "We need your help girl. We want you to be the next Angelina Jolie." His ten or so men laughed with him, though most didn't realize how it was funny. They just sent their neighbors sideways, confused looks. He motioned to one of them and he held up a video camera that seemed to already be recording.

It took a second for my brain to put the neurons together. They were going to do one of those videos: whether it was a hostage one or one of those Al Qaeda ones where they beheaded someone I wasn't sure. My mouth opened and words slipped out. "I was always more of an Audrey Hepburn kind of girl. Sorry."

The older man stepped forward and backhanded me, which hurt excruciatingly. "I didn't ask your opinion. Now shut up." He motioned the camera guy forward and one of the other minions handed me a piece of paper. The officer nodded toward it, "You're reading that and we're sending it to your friend's military buddies, understand?"

I snorted as I looked at the note. Whoever wrote this had atrocious handwriting. I wouldn't pass a kindergartener with these letters! And then the grammar was even worse. Honestly _"I is held a prisoner by great Colonel Sadick. You give money to us country?" _What was that?

My laughter didn't amuse who I assumed was Col. Sadick. He slapped me again. Glaring up at him, I said slowly and clearly like I would to an unruly first grader, "I'm sorry, I'm a teacher and this is grammatically incorrect. I am disinclined to agree to the digital chronicling of any imposed regression of my intelligence."

Yeah, Jessicka, that's a fine idea. Provoke the men with guns who have already proved cruel and violence-prone. That'll solve all your problems! Although, I noted, they weren't even looking at Lake anymore…

"YOU WILL MAKE THE VIDEO!" was all Sadick screamed as two of his men picked me up, dragging me from the room by my shirt. Instinct kicked in and I fought them as much as I could. I stomped on their feet, clawed at their arms, squirmed as much as I could. Nothing worked.

I was thrown into another shed just across the way, not unlike the one I'd just come from. The main difference was that this one had a huge tank, like the ones cows drink from, of water in the center. And the water was bitingly cold as they immediately shoved my head under.

My mouth opened to scream but only dirty, rusty water rushed in, knocking everything but pain from my brain. I couldn't think. I couldn't scream. I couldn't fight. My vision began to go black, my tied hands trying to flail, when someone grabbed my failing ponytail and yanked me back above. Oxygen rushed back into my screaming lungs in a welcome but agonizing flood.

Sadick was across the tank from me. I vaguely registered that the cameraman was there, too. After looking at me for a moment, Sadick nodded and I was pushed back down, a strong hand on the back of my head. I felt like I was being stabbed repeatedly with a million knives wherever the icy water touched me. As my oxygen ran low, my head and lungs pounding with pain, a single thing filled my mind.

Fear. I was filled with an all-consuming terror.

Then, while I was underwater, I felt something that wasn't quite the freezing numbness that had been filling me. No, now there was a rough, calloused hand violently shoving its way up my shirt. My body immediately began twitching, thrashing trying to get the filthiness off of me. It made no difference no matter how much I resisted. With my lungs screaming as loudly as my terror, I couldn't escape that hand, or the multiple others that followed moments later. As the purely violated sensation coursed through my mind I had the unbearable urge to just cry.

I heard the laughter resounding through the water before I even reached the surface as my hair felt it was being wrenched from my scalp. A sob burst from my mouth as soon as I had oxygen to breathe in. My eyes snapped open, trying to find something—_anything_—to do to make it stop.

I just wanted it to stop!

But Sadick was smirking smugly and viciously back at me from his newly fetched chair. He wasn't going to do anything to stop his men from nearly raping me. He gave a nod and I was forcibly submerged. This time, as soon as the knives of the water began to take their toll, a searing pain erupted along my spine. A hot, sticky liquid was flowing down my back. My scream of pain invited more water into my mouth.

As I was brought up again, my only remaining shirt was ripped from my arms. They had sliced it right down the back, letting the knife go straight through to my skin. Only the tough elastic of my apparently very high quality Victoria's Secret bra had kept it from being cut off as well.

I wanted Lake! It didn't matter that I didn't even know his first name. I trusted him and I wanted him to save me. I wanted him to make it stop. Lake would make it stop…

I lost count of how many times I was dunked after fifteen, though I think I counted fifteen more than once. As they pulled me up, they began drenching me with a hose in a freezing shower of water before shoving me back down. All I knew was water: freezing, _horrible_ water and disgusting, searching hands that never stopped.

I was going to die.

This was going to be the last thing I knew, the pain and the cold and the darkness and that horrible grin. The fear grew and grew and grew and grew as I was dunked over and over and over and over.

All my energy to thrash and fight back was gone when I was pulled out of the water by my hair once again and the drenching shower didn't come. Rasping after I had coughed up the water from my lungs, my head lolled forward. I was too frozen and exhausted to hold it up. A soldier grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled my head back so I looked at Sadick.

He looked me up and down, apparently surveying how effective his torture was. He took a drag from the cigar in his hand before getting up and walking over to me. I was far too tired to fight back but my eyes widened in fear at his approach. I couldn't keep down the whimper that rose from my throat. He grinned at the pitiful noise. "Now will you help us?" he asked with a puff of smoke in my face.

Breathing the last deep breaths I thought I would get in a while, I slowly shook my head, "No." He was going to kill me anyway. Why help him?

His hand shot out and grabbed my wounded shoulder. As soon as his thumb found the bullet wound he began to squeeze. I closed my eyes against the pain for a moment but couldn't bite back the anguished scream that ripped from my mouth. He asked again. Somehow my scream formed into a no. He squeezed tighter and asked twice more. I was praying that my arm would just fall off when I bit out "No!" through my clenched teeth the final time.

Taking his hand, sticky and red from my blood, from my shoulder, Sadick grabbed the back of my neck and shoved me back under the water. My hell of ice cold water began again.

If I lived—unlikely—I was never going swimming or taking a bath again.

It was dark outside when they hauled me up from where I was hunched over the side of the tank, heaving and shaking uncontrollably. I was drenched down to my waist. Bruises were forming on my hips where they had been rammed into the metal as I was plunged into the water.

I didn't even try to rise up from the ground when they threw me in Lake's direction.

He was drowsily awake and, after seeing me, trying to sit up. I couldn't see him after I stopped rolling; my face caked with mud, my nose buried in the dirt and my once gray bra now dirt brown. My hair was seized again until I was upright on my knees and the camera man came back. One man held me up by my hair; another held a gun to my head. A man had been assigned to Lake too, the barrel of a rifle pressing into his temple so he was forced to look at the ceiling, unable to see me.

Sadick came back, that smile again on his face. He motioned toward the camera again, "Come on, girl. I won't tell you again."

One of my guards suddenly reached down and grabbed the waist of my pants, I guess trying to haul me up. But as soon as I was upright, that hand didn't go away. No, instead it went down…much further down. That hand did _not_ belong there! I was so sick of there being hands touching and feeling me.

I was tired of feeling so violated!

I let out something resembling an affronted squeak before kicking as hard as I could. "GET OFF!" The effort threw me off balance and back to the ground, my back exploding in slicing anguish, but the soldier was on the ground too, rolling in pain as he lost his ability to produce spawn to curse the world ever again.

I spat blood in his direction and he made to come at me again when Sadick pulled out his pistol and shot him in the head. His gray matter spattered onto my chest and for that split second, I could only stare at it. Sadick interrupted my shock. "Enough! You will read the message or my next bullet goes through _his_ head!"

He was now aiming at Lake. I had no choice, especially since another person had stepped forward with their gun at Lake and my second guard had replaced his rifle at my temple.

My teeth were chattering as I rasped out their words. "I am Jessicka Francis. I'm an American citizen and I am being held prisoner by Colonel Sadick of the Nigerian government." Pausing for a moment, I made to go on but the butt of a rifle pounded into the side of my head. The soldier raised it again as I tried to regain my bearings, wondering what exactly to call Lake. I hurried on before he could strike me again, "Lake of the Navy SEALS is here as well. General Yakubu demands that the United States government publicly accept his authority and send aid by 6 pm tomorrow or we will be public executed along with any other Americans found in the country."

My hair was released and the gun barrel disappeared. Sadick gave me that horrible grin I'd seen every time he'd condescended to grant me another breath of air. "Thank you, Jessicka." He snapped his fingers and men rushed forward to haul their dead comrade out.

I had fallen to the ground again before the door was slammed shut. Shivers overtaking me, I tried to roll over. I made it onto my back, hands still tied underneath me. Lake was staring at me, pain filling his features. I stuttered out, "A-a-a-are you okay?"

He nodded then, without a word, slipped off the cot and pulled himself next to me. Gently grabbing my shoulder, he turned me and untied my hands. Even with circulation allowed, I couldn't feel them. He angrily tossed the rope across the room, muttering "fucking bastards," before wrapping his strong arms around me. Lake was so warm. I'd never felt anything as good in my life as his embrace. That violated feeling evaporated. Even as I huddled closer to him, I stated, "I-I-I'm j-j-just going to make you cold."

He rolled his eyes, his gravelly voice not holding any real annoyance, "You need to stop trying to take care of me, Jess. You're stuck with me, no matter what."

"Y-y-you still need it more than I do." His calling me Jess made me smile, though it didn't really look like a smile at all. Then, remembering my shoulder and knee and back injuries, I looked down and added, "S-s-see I'm not even bleeding anymore." He couldn't see my back, thankfully, to know I was lying.

His tone was tight when he fired back, "Yeah, that's only because you're so damn cold there's no blood to get out."

"P-p-picky picky..." He laughed at that, holding me tighter. After a moment of lying there in silence, he seemed to remember that I was now only in a bra. Reaching back, he grabbed his jacket. The motion made him gasp in pain as I saw some stitches on his stomach stretch. His blood had stained the camouflaged fabric but it was dry and warm.

"What'd they do to you?" There was a steely edge of anger in his voice as he covered me with the jacket.

Mine was full of fear when I answered, "I…got cold." I didn't elaborate anymore. I didn't want to think about it. I didn't want to relive it. I couldn't…

I guess he understood I was scared and exhausted, not rude, because he nodded against my damp hair, not asking any more. "I promise they won't do anything to you again, Jess." We laid there in silence, me shivering and dozing, Lake not moving an inch except to hug me tighter. I fell asleep as warmth began to seep back into me.

* * *

When I woke up, Lake was still there. I blinked awake staring at letters, and then I realized I had curled up into his neck. I didn't move right away, just oddly content to be right where I was, safe and warm and with Lake. It didn't matter that we both kind of smelled. I didn't care that his lengthening stubble was prickly. Nor did I mind that his arms were still securely around me, like I was a teddy bear of some kind. I liked every bit of where I was.

I frowned in confusion after a moment at the tattoo. He jerked in surprise when I asked, "What's JKL mean, Lake?"

"Huh?" I reached a finger up and touched the skin. Then he understood. "Oh that. They're kind of my initials. Jumpy Kelly Lake."

He seemed hesitant and defensive about that last bit. It was odd coming from him, that hesitancy. So that was his first name. "Why Jumpy?"

"I used to be scared of heights. When we trained for parachuting, Slo saw how nervous I was and dubbed me Jumpy. I grew out of it eventually. And yeah, I know, Kelly's a stupid name."

I shrugged, looking up at him. "No, it's not." It wasn't that bad. It worked for him. I still saw him as Lake but there was absolutely nothing wrong with Kelly.

"Fucking girl's name."

I had to laugh at that. He tensed at first, thinking I was laughing at his name and not his comment. "Oh, and you think that it makes you girly and weak or something?" He stayed silent but his expression all but shouted "yeah". I sighed, pulling his face down to look at me. "Lake, you're a Navy SEAL who just escorted thirty some people through a jungle. Then, you fought your way through dozens of fanatical, trigger-happy rebels. You took out three guys with five bullets in you and saved me besides. You're hands down the bravest person I know. You also have a mohawk, which is a sure sign of awesomeness. I think you've effectively excluded yourself from the weak and girly category."

He didn't say anything. He just kind of smiled at me. That was the first time I'd seen him smile without having to think about it beforehand. I wasn't shivering anymore but neither of us shifted from the embrace we were in. It was too comforting just physically knowing that someone else was there to move.

"And hey, I was supposed to be a boy so I don't think that having a unisex name is all that bad."

He rolled his eyes good-naturedly, "Since when is Kelly a widely used unisex name? And what do you mean?"

I didn't actually have a good answer for his first question so I ignored it. I couldn't keep the more than slight bitterness from my tone when I explained, "I was supposed to be a boy. Both my parents were convinced that I was from the beginning. They painted my nursery in blues, bought blue sheets and teddy bear. _Everything_. I was supposed to be James Frederick Francis. They stenciled it on the wall above the crib. Then when I came out…well, lacking in some areas, they weren't too happy. So on the fly, they combined James and Frederick into Jessicka. Spelled j-e-s-s-i-c-k-a. I am quite literally the son they never had. They never even painted over the name on my wall. I had to cover it up with posters. Blue is my favorite color so that wasn't bad."

"I think I was named after a soap opera character, though my mom never all out admitted it." Smiling at my laughter, he then questioned, "Why'd you come all the way to Africa?"

"I'd had a little trouble finding a job and, well... I…I needed to get away from my life for a while. My mom hated it, so I figured it couldn't be a bad idea."

"You guys don't get along?"

I gave a resolute, "No!" to that but didn't explain further. "I came here to run away really. I know it sounds like a stupid idea and all but I loved it after I got here and started teaching, just like Arianna said. How about you? Where do you live?"

"Norfolk, Virginia. At least, that's where we're based. I'm almost never home but…" He shrugged like it didn't bother him too much. "Who's Arianna?"

"My little sister. She's always been a lot better at the whole people and psychology thing than me. I'm too much of a shy nerd."

He laughed, "There's worse things. And, you know, I'm not so chatty myself."

The look he gave me cracked me up, "Really? I had no idea!" He sent me a look at my sarcasm which just made me laugh more. "Well, don't you have a sibling or girlfriend or someone to make up for it? A parrot, maybe?"

"No. My brother is as quiet as me and I never see him anyway. He lives in Tokyo. I'm a SEAL, not a pirate, so no parrots. And why do you want to know if I have a girlfriend?"

I sent him a level look, "It's a fair question. It made perfect sense with what I was saying and you know it. I don't have some hidden motive."

He was smirking smugly now, I wasn't sure why, "Sure you don't. Well, just out of curiosity, why would you think I have one?"

Without thinking I immediately answered, "Because you're brave and built and hot." I froze, "Oh god, did I actually just say that out loud?" I could feel the heat in my face rising ten degrees above normal. When in doubt just say that I randomly acquire fevers, perfectly normal… Yeah, that'll take the awkwardness away. Great thinking there Jessicka.

Instead of laughing at me like I expected him to, Lake gazed intently down at me. I couldn't figure out his expression exactly but after a few moments he smiled. "What about you? I know you don't have a husband because no self-respecting guy in love would let you fly halfway across the globe without him. Do you have a boyfriend?"

Fighting through my embarrassment by staring sedulously at his chest in front of me, I answered quietly, "No. I don't date anymore." Suddenly I smiled, "And you didn't answer my question."

He had a shy smile when he answered, "No, I don't have a girlfriend. I haven't found one who doesn't mind the waiting."

I frowned at that, looking up and searching his face. That didn't make sense. "Well, they're _all_ going to mind. You just haven't found one that loves you enough to go through it for you. One that thinks the happiness of seeing you when you are there outweighs the waiting." There was a silence as he seemed to ponder that. "Don't ask me where that bit of relationship wisdom came from and I wouldn't hold to trust it. I'm kind of an epic fail in that area."

Looking down again, I ran a hand gently down his chest to his abs and over his stitches. I wished I had some sort of healing power. He flinched a bit and I pulled my fingers away, "Sorry…" I trailed off, another quiet falling over us. I remembered the lack of needle marks. "Lake, were…were you awake when they did this?"

I was answered with a stiff nod. "Yeah, Jess, I was."

I didn't notice the expression my face took on or my hands balling into fists. I was only aware of the anger I felt. I had never been particularly violent. Me mad was not a regular occurrence. I was more of the let things stew inside and blame myself type. But at that moment the one thing I wanted to do more than anything else was repeatedly stab Sadick over and over with something very, very sharp for hurting Lake. I couldn't explain why I felt so strongly but anyone hurting Lake just made me see red.

"Hey Jess…Jess, are you okay?" My eyes snapped up at Lake's voice and he was frowning. "You looked like you were about to murder the closest thing breathing for a second there."

"Sorry…" I wasn't really that sorry. We were quiet and my thoughts began to wander. I remembered back to the video Sadick had shot. It suddenly occurred to me what I had said in it. "They're not going to give him what they want, are they? They're not going to accept Yakubu's reign just for us…"

He'd apparently been thinking about that too because he immediately shook his head, "No. They'll consider Sadick and Yakubu terrorists and we don't negotiate with them." He was back in soldier mode, his voice losing all semblance of emotion.

"Lake…we're going to die, aren't we?"

The face of stone he'd taken on floundered irretrievably. He stared down at me long and hard. I didn't understand why and after a few minutes I began to blush with embarrassment. It wasn't that I disliked it when Lake stared at me like that; in fact it was really nice. I just wasn't used to the...tingly feeling. It was about then he shook his head, "No…no Jess. We're not going to die. Not yet. Not without a fight." He let go of me and tried to get up.

Without waiting for him to have to ask, because I knew he wouldn't, I grasped his arm and pulled him the rest of the way, ignoring the soreness in my shoulder and knee and searing pain in my back. After holding his stomach for a split second, he began walking around, surveying our surroundings. How he came up with anything, I had no idea. All I saw was dirt, concrete, plant vines and the cot. I saw a third world jungle prison cell with slits of sunrise peeking through the cracks.

He pressed on the walls in a few places, apparently not finding what he was looking for at first. But then, hiding behind the five gallon bucket I assumed was supposed to be our toilet—which I might add neither of us had gone anywhere near—his foot kicked through into open air. Oh wow, that didn't just happen in movies then.

And yet, about ten minutes allowed us to discover that the hole we'd found was about six inches by twelve. A bit small for us…

Lake limped around the room a bit more when he found the rope that he been tied around my wrists. He stashed it in a pocket. Muttering a bit to himself, he asked me after a moment, "What was the time they gave us?"

"Six tonight, why?"

He didn't answer me, despite my clear and blatantly obvious confusion. Yep, I felt pretty stupid. I only caught snippets of whatever he was planning. "We'll have to do it before sunrise…It'd help if we knew where we are…Use the radio to contact base…Steal a truck…"

"What time is it? They took my watch from me." He motioned to the one that was still on my wrist.

"Five thirty-two, why?"

"Come here, help me down." He still wasn't answering my questions and it was beginning to annoy me a bit, though I did what Lake told me to. I trusted him, a surprising amount actually. I didn't trust people easily or well. I was curious but as I lowered him gently to the ground by the tiny hole he'd found I knew the smartest thing to do was just go with it.

He scooted as far through the hole as he could. It took me a second but I realized he was doing reconnaissance. Odd, pitiful and painful reconnaissance but hey, who was keeping track?

I pulled him gently upright again when he finished. Without looking, he answered my questioning look, "There's only one guard out there on the door. I think it's too early for everyone else to be awake. We'll have to leave soon before the sun comes up. Fuck, I just don't know where we should go. Make for the border, an embassy or try and get a hold of the carrier."

I had nothing even resembling intelligent feedback for his dilemma so I shut up. I just stood next to him with an arm gently around his waist to keep him upright. Lake muttered to himself for a while longer. Finally he looked down at me, "You still have that fingernail polish or did they take it?"

Feeling around in my pocket, I shook my head, "No. It must've fallen out."

"I guess it wouldn't have done much good anyway. Can't kill somebody with a broken fingernail polish bottle." The way he said it made me think that he would've found a way.

"So what's the plan?" I asked, looking up at him with what I hoped was optimism.

"Well," he explained with a professionalism that would have been funny if it weren't our only option, "I'm going outside and am going to take care of the guard very quietly, let's hope. Then, we do our best to find a car or truck of some kind. If we get close enough to the coast, my radio will work and we can see what the carrier wants us to do. For some reason they didn't take it from me. I don't think I was supposed to be alive long enough for it to matter."

"Any idea where we are now?"

"No." The lack of knowledge bothered him. Lake was not an easy person to read, even when he wasn't on deployment I ventured to suppose, but I was slowly getting better at it. The fact that he couldn't factor in that variable was driving him crazy. I didn't dwell on it, or the fact that I wasn't going to be any help whatsoever with finding out.

We were going with what we had. Over the last three days I was getting pretty good at that. I trusted Lake and I trusted his instincts. If he said that was the plan then that's what we were doing. As I buttoned up his jacket on me, I asked "Okay, what do I need to do?"

Lake's eyes found mine then, _really_ found mine. Before he had still been distracted working things out in his head. Now his green eyes were boring holes through mine. At first, I wondered what I had done wrong. Frowning, I asked, "What? What's wrong?"

He didn't speak for a long moment. "You have no idea how incredible you are, do you? You don't even bat an eye, Jess." A smile had formed on his features toward the end and I returned it.

"Don't kid yourself. I'm getting the better deal out of this partnership." I couldn't believe he didn't see how petrified I was.

His expression turned sour, "You're a teacher with no military experience and can't use a gun and I'm a SEAL who's half-crippled. We're going to call it even."

After helping him to the door, I reached up and reshaped his matted mohawk. "Cripple or not, Lake, I'm glad you're with me."

He just sent me a tiny smile beneath his soldier face, "Be back in a sec, Jess." Then he disappeared through the door.


	6. VI

Lake broke through the door a few moments after he left, stowing the lid in his pocket as he grabbed my hand. We ran as fast as he could through the compound, surrounded on all sides by barbed wire fence. I barely noticed the soldier now in a heap outside the door. I did notice the blood streaming out of his neck and the way it was broken. As Lake had expected hardly anyone was awake. I saw two people as we made our way toward a gate that had a smaller road leading out of it. The others all had lights and little buildings next to them. This one had no lights but led straight to a town, street lights providing backlight.

It was about a quarter of a mile I'd guess from the compound to town. For a second I wondered why on earth there would be a special path from here to there. It didn't make any sense. As Lake's running pulled on my hand I let it pass. There was no little booth by this one, just two lone guards with their machine guns slung over their shoulders. Lake and I crouched behind a nearby truck. I suddenly realized that he couldn't take them both out by himself.

I'd have to take one…I'd have to _kill_ one of them.

By the frequent glances he was sending me, that was the conclusion Lake had also come to. Despite the fear I knew that was diffusing into my face, I took a deep breath and nodded at him, "Tell me how."

Something about just how desperate our plan was changed the rules. It didn't matter that killing was wrong or that I didn't know a thing about this soldier. He was the one being the murderer and rapist and I was not going to die by his or any of his comrades' hands. I was going to live if it killed me.

He just stared at me, more surprise on his face than I'd ever seen before but also something strongly resembling admiration. I prodded, "Come on Kelly, I don't know how to kill him quietly. Tell me how and tell me which one."

Lake suddenly leaned forward, clutched the back of my head and pressed a kiss to my forehead. "I'm sorry, Jess," he murmured against my skin before pulling abruptly away. His game face was back on and I knew he wasn't going to drop it again. "Take the rope they had around your hands. When I signal you, go up behind him as quietly as you can and wrap it around his neck. Put your knee into his back and get down on the ground. Pull just as hard as you can until I can help you. He won't be able to make any noise. Watch and make sure he doesn't get his gun, though."

I nodded, unable to say anything. I was still wrapping my head around the entire 'about to kill someone' thing.

We pulled each other up off the ground and snuck through the dark. My mind blurred killing the soldier for me. I registered Lake's solemn nod, signaling me to take action. I felt the rope burning my palms as the soldier struggled. I heard myself yelp as he elbowed me in the stomach blindly. I could smell the sweat, whether it was my own or the soldier's I didn't know. My arms continued to weaken and the knee I had in the man's back quivered. I clutched at more strength. I held on with all I had. I couldn't let go. Letting go meant Lake and me dying. That couldn't happen.

Then I saw Lake in front of me, green eyes filled with concern and determination. He extracted the rope from my white-knuckled fingers. His mouth moved but at first I couldn't hear him. "…It's ok, Jess. You did good. We're leaving. Come on."

He gently led me into the dark, a hand holding my upper arm the other a newly acquired machine gun. I tried to turn my head back once, to see what I had done, but one of Lake's hands reached up and stopped me. He shook his head. "You don't have to look, Jess. For me, please, don't look."

"Okay." As we jogged slowly but steadily forward, the rain began to pour down. I looked down to see the droplets wash blood from my hands that I hadn't known was there. It was my own from the rope burn.

The nagging thought of why this path was here began to irritate me again. I despised not understanding. As we reached the first buildings, lit by street lamps, I comprehended. The path led straight to one building's back door. The lights in the second and third story were still on. A small sign in the front was lit enough for me to read. I knew why the path was there.

The path led straight to "Sweet Chastity's Brothel". Somebody couldn't have made up the irony there if they'd tried. If only 'Chastity's' mother knew now what she apparently didn't know at the girl's birth.

Lake didn't appear to notice. His eyes were scanning for something with four wheels and hopefully an easy to hotwire ignition. As we ran, Lake's pace got slower and slower and he began to stagger now and then. After he almost toppled into the side of a dumpster, I latched onto him, holding him up by hugging his waist.

"I don't need…Jess, save energy…"

I glared at him. "Lake shut up." I wasn't budging on that and he was just going to have to deal with it. I wasn't going to go along and not help him. Just no. I didn't care that my knee was killing me and my shoulder had started bleeding ever so slightly again or that the cut on my back burned as my sweat doused it. He was in more pain than I was. Though it had never worked on anyone ever before, Lake took a look at my face and stopped arguing.

We found a rusty, red pick-up with no tailgate towards the inner part of the city. The door was unlocked, though the keys weren't in it. We weren't that lucky. I helped him lay down so he could hotwire it. I wandered to the front of the vehicle, looking around the alley with paranoia as the sky continued to open up. I was convinced that some soldier with a gun would materialize out of the walls of the building. It was so dark I wasn't sure I would have been able to see one if that did happen. The sky was beginning to lighten through the rain clouds but not by much.

"J-Jess, h-help me," Lake coughed out, all but choking on the pain. He'd tried to sit up on his own and it messed with his stitches.

I scrambled back to the driver's side door, just in time to catch Lake as he clutched his stomach and fell from the seat. We crashed to the ground with a jolt, though he landed on top. While he was heavy and solid enough I thought the impact was going to make _me_ throw up, it actually did make Lake. He let out a huge whoosh of breath as the ground met me and then I met him.

I worriedly looked up at him for a second, watching his own gaze go from concerned to pained to sickly green. With one weakening arm, he pushed himself up and far enough away that he could throw up without getting it on me. I caught him, barely, as he collapsed after emptying his stomach. I watched in horror as his stomach once again began bleeding, multiple stitches ripping along his ribcage.

How could I have let him crawl in there like that? How did I not even think to make sure he was all right after we, well he mostly, took down those two guards? And then all the running. I couldn't believe I was that selfish. I could have just asked what to do and saved him the pain!

I dragged him so he could lean against the truck and I sat right next to him, wrapping my arms around him to keep him upright. He managed to keep his head upright on his own for a few minutes. He looked at me, green eyes clearly glazed with pain, and then he slid down until he was resting on my shoulder. Without really thinking, I hugged him to me and his head came to rest in the crook of my neck. I vaguely realized that we were very, _very_ close.

The silence lasted too long. I began to get worried. "Lake, are you ok? …Lake? …_Kelly_?"

He groaned, "Jess, I'm sorry but I think you're gonna to have to drive. Can you drive a stick?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I can. Here, come on." I gently hauled him up and got him in the passenger seat. After I had climbed in myself, I leaned over and buckled his seat belt and then got him situated lying down. He was so pale I would have thought him already dead if I hadn't known better. He'd lost entirely too much blood to be able to do anything. His head resting just below my hip, I slammed on the clutch and put the truck into gear.

"Which way?" He tried to laugh, which only caused more pain. I glared sarcastically down at him, "Hey, you know my navigational skills. Unless you want to somehow wind up in India, you'd better tell me which way I'm going."

There was a tension in his eyes that he wouldn't let show anywhere else. Instead of laughing like he would have without the stomach injury, he just good naturedly shook his head, "Drive with the sunrise on your left, Jess. That'll take us to the ocean and—"

I never heard what else because I had just turned off onto a main highway and was exiting the city when sirens began. They were like tornado sirens back home. Except these were followed by bursts of gunfire. I looked down at him, very puzzled. He explained, "They figured out we're gone."

Nodding, I kept driving. It had been a while since I had driven a stick but it came back easily. The road was rutted and twisted unnecessarily and the rain made it muddy so I was always turning to keep us from launching in the ditch. One of the windshield wipers didn't work. I felt bad but the ride wasn't exactly smooth. I heard Lake groan in pain every couple of minutes. It made my chest clench up. I tried to keep him talking, make sure he didn't fall asleep and not wake up.

"So, what's your favorite movie?"

He laughed a throaty, slightly raspy laugh, "Are we playing twenty questions now?"

I smiled down at him, "No, we're playing ask as many questions as possible to keep Kelly awake. Out with it."

I felt him shake his head against my leg. He answered a few minutes later, "I don't have just one. It depends on the mood I'm in. I'm always up for _Gladiator_, though."

I shook my head, "Oh, I can't watch that movie. I love it but I can't watch it."

"Why?"

"Because, I start crying hysterically at the end. And I mean hysterically. Not like the crying you see on movies. I'm all out blubbering and there's snot running down my face and my eyes puff up and I have one of those headaches afterward. Oh, it's horrible. I can't watch it with anyone else in the house. It's too embarrassing."

He smiled, "Russell Crowe is a badass in it, though."

Taking my eyes off the road at an actually decent stretch, "What, not into Jason Bourne and the movies where stuff always blows up? His ninja moves are pretty nice." He grinned back at me.

"Nah, why watch on TV what I do at work. And just because you can't see it now doesn't mean that I don't have ninja moves too. I was a lot more expensive to train than Matt Damon."

When I answered him, I was all seriousness. My voice was light but I was earnest. "Lake, you could be in a wheelchair and you'd still have ninja moves. So stop whining, honorable master, and get with it. You're not crippled and I do see it now." He was beating himself up way too much. I somehow knew that it was just part of who he was but still.

As my train of thought continued I couldn't stop myself, "Lake, you're the bravest, strongest, all around best, most ninja-like guy I've ever met. And I think you're doing good for having five bullets in you less than twenty-four hours ago. So, please, do my nerves a favor and accept that you're awesome. For me. Please."

That powerful gaze that I had seen on his face the very first time I saw him back in the forest with Ngozi had returned. I couldn't figure out what was running through his head behind those green eyes at that moment but I could feel the intensity. Unlike the former time, I could hold his eyes. I felt my mouth stretch into a smile before I looked back at the road.

The silence was loud, filling the car from window to window. I glanced at the odometer now and then. We had gone twenty-five miles, with him still staring at me, before he spoke lightly.

"Fine. So what about you? What's your favorite movie? If you say _Legally Blonde_ or _Juno_ I'm getting out of this truck and walking."

Cracking up with giggles, I shook my head, "Oh no. Goodness no. _Lord of the Rings_ is my favorite. They're some of my favorite books, too."

"Damn, you really are a nerd, aren't you?" I nodded. Guilty there. "I've never seen them but there's three, right?" I gave him the most scandalized look I had. He'd never seen them?! He kind of smirked at me, "Hey, don't judge me. Which one of the three?"

"You can't ask me that, Lake! Dang it, that's like a rhetorical question. There is no answer. I can't pick one! And I'm going to make you watch them."

"Well, if you _had_ to decide right now, this minute which one you'd watch. And good luck with forcing me to do that. I don't sit still that long."

I sighed, "Bleh to you. Ummm, probably _Return of the King_ because it has Eowyn fighting orcs and Haradrim and I could go for a strong woman right now, hard core."

When I looked down he was frowning at me again. "Holy shit Jess, you don't swear. Through everything I've never heard you say one fucking curse. Not one!"

"Ummm, is there some sort of question involved there?" I felt my cheeks redden. It was true. I didn't swear but it was always a bit embarrassing for some reason when people called me on it.

"Yeah, why? You're not some religious cult member or something where cursing and drinking's illegal like women wearing pants, are you?"

The mere idea made me laugh out loud. "No! No, I'm not. And trust me, I know how to drink. I'm very, very irresponsibly Methodist if you really wanna know." Even upside down, his intrigued, expectant look was sweet. Rolling my eyes, I went on. "Don't ask me why but I've always given something up for Lent. I know it's only a Catholic tradition but I do it anyway. One year it was between chocolate and swearing and…and I really needed the chocolate. Though, the swearing I'd been doing too much of. So, I gave up profanity for lent and the 'goodness gracious'es and 'dang!'s stayed with me. I haven't sworn in almost two years."

"Fuck, there's no way I could do that."

I shrugged, "It becomes habit after awhile. It's probably just like you and your training. You don't even think about it; you just do it, right?"

"True." We were quiet for another fifteen miles. I was about to ask him another random, useless question but he beat me. "You know, Jessicka, we usually don't go on missions that end like this." He answered the confusion on my face before I could voice it. "I don't mean getting captured and tortured. I mean, we've never gone on a mission where we actually ended up helping so many people. We go in and we kill who we need to kill or we extract who we need to extract. Sometimes, I do what I'm ordered to, not what feels right."

He paused for a long time, but I knew he was going to continue. This was hard for him, confessing this much, letting this many of his feelings out for someone else to see. Opening the door for me to console him or trample all over his emotions. I understood. I was the same exact way.

"There was one time in…well, somewhere. I'm not supposed to be telling you any of this. But, we were sent in to kill somebody. I know it sounds like that should be a CIA job or something. I guess, our orders weren't to actually assassinate him but we had to take out his compound with him in it. He was a warlord and he was sending weapons to terrorists. We had a good, valid reason to get rid of him."

I nodded. He didn't need to explain to me. Soldiers did as they were ordered. That was good enough for me. I couldn't fathom Lake being involved in anything truly malicious in its origins.

At my nod, he went on. "We got tons of recon intel beforehand." I looked at him with a bewildered eyebrow raised. "Oh, sorry, intelligence like maps, satellite photos, projected hostile combatants. You know that kind of thing. Our orders included how we were supposed to take it out. It was a big deal. Incendiary stuff, timed bombs, about two miles worth of fuses. I'm the recon man, so I went in first. It was the middle of the night, so everything looked fine. The perimeter had some S sweeping guards but no NVGs and…"

He smiled at my utter puzzlement, but it wasn't a real smile. There was no real humor behind it. His voice didn't hold laughter. It was overflowing with pain and not just from his wounds now.

"Never mind. There were about the number of guards we expected. We rigged it all that night. Not a hitch or a problem. The guy wasn't home at the time. So, we camped it out in the jungle on the hill above his place. It's where all our fuses ran anyway. His car pulled in around noon. I remember looking at my watch when the gate opened. Sure enough, he stepped out. The guy was impossible to mistake. But…but right behind him were his four youngest kids. Somebody had slipped the fact that they and the rest of his family was also living there from the intel."

I was watching the rain wash away the dirt of the road and the puddles splash water over the windshield but I couldn't have told you a thing about any of it. I was enraptured listening to Lake. His voice had taken on the same tone as when he'd kissed me on the forehead—pained sadness with self-disappointment and hopeless anger. I wanted him to get what was bothering him out but I didn't want him to be sad like this either. I remained decidedly silent.

"I don't remember actually deciding to or even doing it, but the next thing I knew I had my rifle pressed into my shoulder and I was sighting in the scope. I waited for LT to give me permission to fire. I knew it would mean those kids wouldn't die if I put a bullet in their dad's head. It would screw them up but they could one day get over it. LT got on the horn—the radio—and was asking what we were supposed to do. We weren't supposed to take out civilians, especially fucking kids.'

"I never got permission to take the shot. We were ordered to blow the place…so that's what we did. It didn't matter how none of us thought it was right or that none of us wanted to do it. I watched those little boys get blown sky high. Jess, I laid the charges that killed them."

I didn't know what to say. Telling him it wasn't his fault wasn't going to do any good. In fact, it would probably make it worse. "Kelly…"

He cut me off, though I hadn't figured out the rest of my sentence anyway. "That's the kind of stuff we do, Jess. This mission, we weren't supposed to take anybody but Dr. Kendricks. Those refugees, we left them once. LT had us turn back. We got into helicopters and flew off without them completely once."

"Jess…we-we took a vote about whether we should just finish our mission or take everybody with us. I voted no. I voted to leave you there to die in that jungle."

When he looked up at me, he mistook the reason for the tears now dripping from my eyelashes. He whispered, "I'm sorry. I'm a coward. I wanted to take the easy way." He thought I was mad at him for it.

Sniffing and blinking, I shook my head, "No, you wanted to protect your friends. If you hadn't all been protecting us, you could have made it to the border with no problems. Then Slo and Flea and Silk wouldn't be dead." I sighed and looked down at him with a mirthless smile, "Lake, there's only one coward in this truck and she's the one driving it. Trust me."

"No, you're no—"

Suddenly, I was angry. I was angry at myself. I was angry at the situation. I was angry that all this had happened.

"Yes, Lake! Yes. You don't know how many times I just hid when I could have helped someone or ran when I could have stood up to a rebel, okay. I could have done _something_ to save my students but I didn't. I sat and crouched under a window as they were murdered. Not one of those kids was over twelve years old… I just hid, Kelly! They were my responsibility and I hid! So don't try and tell me that I'm some amazing, courageous person. I'm too tired to be brave, and too stupid to figure out what to do. I would be dead a couple dozen times over if not for you. And, I realize that sometimes the things you do aren't what's right or what's fair or what makes you able to sleep at night but this time…"

I smiled down at him, my anger drained away already. I didn't have the energy to stay angry or the inclination. I didn't like being mad near Lake; it didn't feel right. "Lake, this time it doesn't matter what you 'voted'. You did what was right. No, you guys did something practically angelic. Lake, tell me how many people out there would willingly put themselves in the line of fire of a huge enemy to protect innocent people they didn't know and had no responsibility to."

I was greeted with silence.

I leaned down and kissed his cheek, "Kelly Lake, you're my hero whether you want to be or not. And just because I don't swear doesn't mean I'm not stubborn. So, you might as well get used to it."

The next ten miles remained silent.

"You just have to be annoying, don't you?" The humor was back in his tone.

"Oh, you like me a little, admit it. I'm not _that_ bad to be running for your life with."

"I can think of worse people, yeah. You're still annoying, though."

I stuck my tongue out at him, "Shut up."

We talked about nothing for the next thirty miles. Just that comfortable chatter that you have with friends, filled with laughter. It wasn't lost upon me how odd it was. I was driving a stolen truck through a hostile country after being detained and tortured and nearly raped and I was laughing. Lake and I were managing to laugh. It was an odd sensation when I actually thought about it.

But, I also knew, that the fear I'd felt since my school had been attacked and my students murdered, since my trek through the jungle with Ngozi, since I had been wounded by the PRG in the battle, since I had gone back and found Lake, since we had been captured…since they had tortured me the day before, I knew that fear was just under the surface.

Lake and I were both laughing and smiling but we knew that everything could change in seconds. I didn't sit so easily after I realized that.

The rain had cleared up by then. It was just after ten in the morning. We'd been driving for roughly three hours. I squinted at something as I drove by and then it hit me what I'd just seen. "Lake, I just saw a seagull. That's good, right?"

He nodded with eyes closed.

Not long after I told him to shut up, he'd actually gotten quieter. Every time I looked down at him, he'd been a bit paler. His voice had been getting raspier. He kept professing that he was perfectly fine. There was nothing wrong. But I believed him less and less the further we went.

"Yeah, we're near the coast. I need to radio the ship." If it had still been raining and beating down on the top of the truck I wouldn't have been able to hear him. He was getting frailer by the minute. Lake being weak scared me. He was the rock of this partnership. Without him, I knew I wasn't going to get us very far. I'd try, Lord knew I would try, but I knew the final outcome. We'd both be dead.

After fiddling with his radio for a few moments, Lake spoke into the mouthpiece. "Eagle One to Command. Eagle One to Command. Do you copy?"

He hadn't gotten the earpiece back over his ear so I could hear the reply.

"_This is Command, go Eagle One_."

"This is Iron Man, I am heading south about…" he looked expectantly up at me. Apparently I was supposed to know where we were. I couldn't get the smile off my face about his call sign. I wondered what the others were.

I was frozen for a bit. How was I supposed to know? Then I remembered a few minutes ago I had passed the second sign of the day. "We're about fifty miles from Cargos and I think it said five north of some town called Terlingua."

He managed a faint smile, "And you think you can't navigate." At my eye roll, he went back to the radio and relayed what I had just said. "I need a bird the hell out of here."

"_Can you reconfirm name please_." The radioman seemed a bit shocked.

"_Iron Man_!" At the still shocked pause, he yelled again, "Petty Officer Lake and American national Jessicka Francis! We've got Col. Sadick and rebels after us and we need a bird home."

"_Please hold, Iron Man_."

I couldn't hide the shock on my face. Had they honestly just put us on hold?! Seriously?! It felt like being put on hold by 911. Lake looked less shocked but more angry. He screamed into the radio, "I don't have time to goddamn hold! I need confirmation that you can get her out of here! If those soldiers catch up with us, we're dead. You had to have gotten that fucking video by now. You saw what kind of shape we're in!"

Yelling like that couldn't be good for him. I looked down, all ready to tell him to calm down but I was stopped dead. His words had taken the last reserve of strength Lake had. His hand was still pushing in the button but now by weight instead of force. His eyes had closed but not in the tired way they'd been the last half hour. He was out cold. I reached a hand over but before I touched him I felt the fever on his skin.

Oh no.

Grabbing his shoulder, I began shaking. "Lake, Lake wake up. Lake?! Lake, come on! Lake…Kelly open your eyes! Kelly, I can't do this without you! Kelly Lake, you wake up right now!" Panic and worry gripped my chest so tightly it hurt to breathe. I could see his chest moving up and down but it was slow and unsteady.

His green eyes didn't budge beneath his lids. He'd dropped from consciousness for good this time. He had a nasty fever now and he made hospital bed sheets look dark. Not even the dirt and grime could make up for the horrid pallor of his face.

I glanced over to his stomach. His wounds there were bleeding once again. I had the strong urge to cry. I was so overwhelmed I wanted to pull the truck over and just sob. I couldn't do this by myself. I didn't know what I was doing to begin with. My getting this far still alive was all Lake.

Then I realized that crying wasn't going to do either of us any good. And, I didn't want to cry in front of Lake again. I usually hated crying in front of anyone. It didn't matter that he was unconscious and couldn't see me.

"_Iron Man? Do you copy_?"

Someone was still on the other end of the radio. Taking a deep breath, I picked up the earpiece and gently unstrapped the rest of the radio from around Lake's neck. Driving with one hand still, I pressed the small black button in. "Umm, hello?"

"_Is this Jessicka Francis_?"

"Yes."

The voice seemed worried behind the professional, authoritative tone it had, "_This is Capt. Rhodes. I am Petty Officer Lake's commanding officer. Are you all right? Has something happened_?"

I rushed through my words, "Lake passed out. You have to send something to help us. He's dying!"

"_Calm down, Miss Francis. I know this is difficult but you need to stay calm. Helicopters are being dispatched as we speak. I need you to continue down the road you're on. In about twenty-five miles you're going to come upon a T-intersection. Beyond that there will be a hill. The helicopter is going to land on that hill. Can you make it there?"_

"I have to." I didn't understand why he was giving me some sort of choice. It was either I get there or I don't and we both die. I couldn't let that happen so I was going to get to the hill.

"_The helicopters are roughly twenty minutes out, ma'am. Radio if you need more help._"

"Ok. I wi—" My words were cut off my own scream. Gunfire had rung out and the back window of the truck had exploded, sending broken glass showering over us. In what was left of my rear view mirror, I saw a jeep about half a mile behind me and two large trucks full of men a mile or so behind them.

I hadn't noticed that as I had spoken on the radio I had slowed down to the point of almost stalling the truck. They were gaining on me fast. Where on earth did they come from?! All I could think of was that stupid little town, Terlingua. The road didn't even go through it. It was almost a quarter mile away from it. I'd been so busy trying to get Lake to reenter the land of the living and talking on the radio I hadn't noticed them behind me.

Lake would never have done something so stupid.

"I'm getting shot at!" I screamed into the radio. I didn't hear what their response was. The truck leapt out of a nasty rut with a gut-wrenching jolt and I dropped it. I was more concerned with Lake's head than the radio anyway. Slouching down, I floored the truck. The little four-cylinder engine whined in protest but shot ahead.

For the next twenty miles the big trucks began to fall behind but the jeep stayed right on me. Sporadically spurts of bullets would be shot at me. I tried to weave across the road like I'd seen in movies and stuff without going into the ditch. I prayed that the helicopters would get to this hill in less than half an hour because I was pushing that truck to almost ninety. We were going to be there early.

Both the back window and the windshield were completely shot out when I saw the intersection in the distance. With the force of the incoming wind so strong that I could barely keep my eyes open, I did a double take at the supposed 'hill' we were being picked up from. I closed them in a long blink and then snapped them open once more. I saw the same thing.

That hill was no normal hill. It wasn't one of those nice, rounded, gentle hills you think of with cows and whatnot. No, this thing was monstrous. All the way up it was overgrown with jungle trees and plants, except for a small clearing I could just make out at the top.

"Oh great."

It was steep and between the base of the hill and the road was about a seven or eight foot drop off into a ditch that spanned at least that far out as well. Hurriedly glancing into my only remaining mirror, the driver's side, I saw the jeep still gaining on me. I had just enough time to hunker down when I saw one of the soldiers raising his gun. If I wasn't so terrified, their constant bullets would have been annoying.

I was coming up on the intersection fast. I had less than a mile to decide what to do. With that drop off what immediately popped into mind was pull the truck over, get out and attempt to haul Lake up the hill. Yeah, maybe that would have worked if we weren't being hunted down by fanatical lunatics who unfortunately knew how to turn off the safeties on guns.

The movie conversation that Lake and I had had earlier was the next thought to hit me. I was confused by it at first. What on earth did that have to do with anything? Then I remembered teasing him about Jason Bourne. I'd seen all the movies. I knew what they were about.

I had the most insane, crazy, inane, ridiculous, life-threatening revelation of my life. What to do came upon me in blazing clarity.

"Jessicka Francis, if this actually works there is counseling in your future."

I reached down and made sure both my and Lake's seatbelts were tight. Then, pushing my foot all the way down to the floor on the gas pedal, I didn't even think of turning as the road ran out. The truck launched off the road, sailing over the ditch and into the underbrush, with me screaming like a little girl on a roller coaster the whole time.

We came back down to earth harder than I expected. My seatbelt didn't catch quite quickly enough and my legs jammed into the bottom of the steering wheel. I couldn't help but let out a pained scream. I was more concerned about Lake, however. The seatbelt had caught him across the stomach but he hadn't budged.

I let out a sigh of relief. I looked back in front of us just in time to see the tree we were careening toward. I slammed on the brakes. With the sound of plants and tree branches snapping and the horrible grinding of gears, we stopped. After slamming on the parking break, I could only sit there and take a few deep breaths, trying to get off my adrenaline rush.

Then I heard two things. One was the dulcet tone of Col. Sadick's screaming voice. The other was helicopter blades pounding through the air. I smiled. "Lake, we're gonna make it." I didn't care that he couldn't hear me.

I unbuckled us with shaking hands and then collapsed when I opened the door to get out. My legs were shaking so badly I couldn't stand for a moment. Machine gun fire snapped me out of that. Glancing back down the hill, I could vaguely see men rushing down into the ditch to get across to us.

We were about a third of the way up the hill. I didn't have much time. I grabbed Lake under the arms and hauled him out of the truck. I began dragging him up the hill like that. I wasn't tall enough so his boots wouldn't drag behind us. After falling down twice, I repositioned him. I held his arms around my neck, hunched over and balanced most of his shoulders and head on my back. I knew it wouldn't be good for his wounds but I could feel my energy draining away. As slow as I was, I had to make it all the way to the top before the rebels did.

The doctors wouldn't have to worry about his wounds if he was dead.

I groaned as my bad knee began cracking with each step. I assumed it hurt but pain was becoming such a recurrent, even constant feeling that it didn't register for more than a few seconds. At least, a pain that small didn't. Thank you, adrenaline. My back was erupting and my shoulder had broken open again. I had larger problems than one little knee.

"Jeez Lake, is it some SEAL prerequisite that you have to have like less than point five percent body fat so you're just that much harder to carry?!"

I kept climbing, though crawling was more like it. I held him onto my back with one hand and clawed into the slick, wet mud with the other. My thoughts were flashing between the helicopter noise becoming louder and the increasing gunfire behind me. I was almost to the top when I collapsed.

I could see the helicopter through the leaves. I could hear English being yelled. I was so, _so_ close when my knee gave out with a sickening pop that I definitely felt and my vision flickered dangerously. I face planted into the mud, sending Lake toppling off of me. I grabbed at him before he could roll down the hill. A combination of tears and sweat were flooding down my face as I pulled him back up to me. Hugging him around the chest, I screamed, "Lake, I can't do this! I can't do it! I'm sorry."

It didn't register as I continued apologizing that my legs had begun pushing me backwards, toward the top. I only vaguely remember reaching out with one hand and pulling us up with trees. The next thing I knew the rain was pelting me as the sun was covered once again by clouds. There were no leaves to block it.

Two hands grabbed my shoulders and I screamed, survival instinct making me lash out. A man in camouflage just like Lake's was looming over me, a shotgun in his hand and helmet on his head. He looked unperturbed by the fact I'd just pathetically punched him in the face.

"Ma'am! Ma'am, I'm not going to hurt you. I'm with the US Navy. We need to get you in the helicopter."

I looked at him, confusion creasing my face, "We made it?"

A chaste smile swept over his features, "Yes ma'am. You made it. Come on, let go of him. We'll get him up into the bird. We need to go as quickly as possible here."

Four others materialized out of nowhere around him. I was too relieved to be creeped out. Those men gathered around Lake and waited expectantly for me to release his chest. I didn't want to but what small amount of reason I had working told me I should. They had him hustled onto a board and were carting him over to the helicopter the moment I let go.

The man who had spoken to me had grabbed my arm and was pulling me toward it as well. The force of the wind made by the blades knocked me down. I didn't have enough energy to stand up without help and that extra force was too much for me. I went straight down, chest first again. The soldier, muttering to himself about something, turned back and hauled me up again. This time he caught my legs and put an arm underneath them. He carried me the rest of the way.

I was sat in the middle of the back of the helicopter, a belt around my waist that I don't recall buckling myself.

None of the soldiers looked at me as we took off. They were all sitting by the doors, each with a leg hanging out and guns raised. I was suddenly extremely tired. I was coming down from a three day adrenaline high and my eyes didn't want to stay open. Without looking or speaking to any of the men around me, I unbuckled myself and slid closer to Lake.

Lake was known. Lake was nice. Lake was safe. I liked being with Lake.

There was a medic there tending his wounds. He shot me an inquisitive look, but then returned to his critical patient. As I curled up next to Lake on my side and grabbed a hold of his hand, I commented to him, "Don't forget his right shoulder. It doesn't seem bad but it's been bleeding all day."

With that, I finally allowed my eyes to close and I was immediately out.


	7. VII

**Part II-USS Harry S Truman**

Waking up was quite possibly more terrifying than escaping. Discovering that the sun has taken on an odd, fluorescent tinge and that you have had metal inserted into your arms is rather disturbing to reenter the realm of the conscious discovering.

My eyes blinked against the light for a few seconds until my vision was clear enough to see my arms. I had needles in each. I followed my first instinct to just rip them out. They weren't supposed to be there! I started fumbling with the one in my right forearm. Before I could get the needle out, though, I was set upon by a uniformed person.

The woman tried to restrain me by just holding down my arms. Survival instinct that had been driving me the last few days kicked on. I started thrashing all the more because one of her hands was pressing painfully down on one of the needles, shoving it farther into my skin. With a scream, I managed to get one arm away from her and I punched her in the face. As she fell to the ground and hit her head on the rail of my bed, I saw the figure in the bed beside mine she'd been obscuring from my vision.

I was paralyzed.

"Lake…?" I hardly recognized my own voice it was so hoarse, squeaky, and clogged with disuse and now fear. Wrenching the heart monitoring device from my finger and the painful needle from my left arm, I slowly lowered my feet to the floor. Using my IV pole for support, I traversed the few feet to his bedside.

He looked terrible, if I didn't know better almost worse than when I woke up in our jungle apartment. He was hooked up to an IV like me and had blood flowing into him through a needle in his other arm. He was so disturbingly, unnaturally pale. I felt like I was looking at an older, buffer, and much more attractive Edward Cullen. He had a blanket over him but from the waist up he was shirtless. Bandages crisscrossed his abdomen and his shoulders were wrapped up tight.

For the first time since I'd met him, Lake's face wasn't tinted with paint and grime. He had a couple days' worth of stubble but I could actually see his face. It occurred to me it would be odd to see him completely clean-shaven. It just didn't seem like him. He was a rebel with causes I imagined were very much his own, but a rebel nonetheless. His green eyes were moving ceaselessly beneath his lids and, despite the calm appearance, his expression was pained.

Weren't we supposed to be safe? Why did he look so bad? He couldn't be _that_ hurt, could he? I couldn't bear being with him through that much, causing him pain, and him keeping me sane only to have him die on me now. I couldn't stand it!

My head began to throb with the clogged up feeling one gets when you hold back tears. Reaching gently forward, I ran a hand down his face. He was burning up and he didn't wake. My hand trailed down to rest on his chest as I sat gingerly on his bed. I tried my voice again, "Lake? Lake, wake up."

He was still. I fought back the juvenile urge to shake him. Blinking so furiously that I couldn't see, I took some deep breaths. I was not going to cry. Rearranging my IV, I curled up next to him, resting my cheek on the tags lying on his chest. I didn't think I would sleep but I wasn't leaving his side. My bed was far away and he was safe. Lake made me smile. I was lying with him.

I vaguely realized that had been my explanation for laying next to him a lot lately…

I didn't envy Doc when he came into sick bay awhile later. He cheerfully swaggered in, wearing the surprising attire of black sweatpants and an Indian motorcycle t-shirt. I got to see his hair for the first time without it being shoved straight up by the bandana he'd worn. It was surprisingly curly.

Easy smile vanishing rapidly, he took my surroundings. Lake was lying there comatose and feverish. I had wrapped myself around him in need of security. My beaten back was hanging out for the world to see as the tank top they had put me in was rolled up to accommodate my bandages.

Then, the female corpsman who had accidentally incurred my shock altered wrath was still in a heap on the floor, a growing bump on her forehead. I vaguely registered that I felt bad about punching her and should have gotten someone. It didn't matter. The paramount fact in my mind was that Lake was still hurt and I was scared to death.

Doc rushed to the downed woman and he disappeared from my line of sight. I wasn't about to get up. Instead, fear caused my hands to tighten their grip around Lake. It didn't help that I was beginning to hurt all over.

Doc reentered my vision a moment later, carrying the downed medic to an empty bed. He looked up to see me awake and demanded, "What the hell happened?"

"I punched her and she hit her head on the railing of my bed. What's wrong with Lake? Why isn't he awake yet?"

"He's got a fever of about 1020. He's been better. And why the fuck did you punch her?" He was looking at the girl's pupils now, after he'd hauled her up onto an empty bed. I guess he decided that she would live because he walked over and sat on the edge of my old bed and looked at me questioningly with slight anger I thought.

"He'll be okay, though, right? I mean, he'll get better. He's not going to die, right? Did the whole thing with the truck hurt him or anything? I know he was pale before but it didn't hurt his stomach or something did it?" I was distraught now. I was trying to think of all the things I could have done to make him worse. It was all my fault! "Maybe it was the way I drove. Or when I let him hotwire the truck…"

My worried babblings were interrupted by kind laughter from Doc. "Jessicka, he has a fever because he was shot and then operated on without any antiseptic or anything. It was those asshole rebels, not you. You saved his life. And he'd say the same thing, trust me. I've known him for five years. He wouldn't be mad at you. He might be puzzled though as to why you punched a corpsman."

I suddenly blushed, "Well, she just came up and started holding me down. I was scared and she was on the stupid needle in my arm. It hurt and she wouldn't get off so I just kind of punched her. I didn't really think about it. She's not really hurt is she?"

He shook his head. "No concussion or anything; just a bump on the head. Aside from still being in survival mode, how are you feeling?"

"Horrible. My back is killing me and I think I hurt my legs more. But how's Ngozi? Did he make it?"

Doc's eyes softened a bit at those questions. "Yeah, Ngozi's fine. So is his mom. I think they found his sister as well."

My sense of relief was overwhelming and I could only let out a deep breath. I had succeeded in something. I'd gotten that little boy back to his family. Nothing I'd done for him had been in vain. The weight of my murdered students lifted just a little…

Doc got up and walked over to me. He took a look at my back and then explained, "Well, your back hurts because the needle you tore out was your morphine drip. You haven't had painkillers since you got rid of it. And your legs are in bad shape. Your knee is sprained and your ACL was banged up. You've got some small fractures in your right femur and some bad bruising on both according to your chart."

I groaned, "Stupid truck..."

He smiled, "What's the truck have to do with it?"

"Well, it's kind of a long story but there was this ditch and…I kind of jumped it with the truck." His eyebrow rose faster than I thought possible. He didn't believe me one bit. "I promise, I'm telling the truth. I had to get up the hill with the helicopter and there wasn't any other way. We were getting shot at and…like I said, long story…" His casual smile faded as my mood darkened. I asked tentatively, "His fever doesn't have anything to do with no anesthesia, does it?"

He shrugged and answered automatically, "No, probably shouldn't. Anesthesia won't…WAIT! They did that to Lake without anesthesia! He was awake?" I meekly nodded. I was surprised that the loud and very creative string of profanities that followed from Doc didn't wake up Lake. Thank goodness it was Doc here and not Red. From what Lake told me, Doc was the calm one of their group… It took him a few moments to calm himself. "Did they give him anything at all to kill the pain that you saw?"

"I-I was unconscious for it. I didn't come to until after. Kelly just told me he'd been awake."

"I'm guessing they didn't, the bastards…Whoa, he told you his name?" Doc looked genuinely surprised, the worry temporarily vacating his features.

I shrugged, "Yeah. I asked him what his tattoo stood for. The K is for Kelly. It's not a bad name. Why is it weird he told me?"

"Lake never tells _anybody_ his first name."

I laughed a bit, "Yeah, sure. I bet he doesn't tell random people on the street or anything but he tells other people, doesn't he?"

Doc was dead serious when he answered, "No. The way we found out was by peeking at his dogtags when he was asleep. He about killed Red when he teased him about it. His last girlfriend didn't know his first name for two months."

"Oh," was all I could manage.

Smiling, Doc stood up, "You must be special... I'm going to find another corpsman on duty and have him fix you up with a new painkiller drip, okay?" I nodded my thanks. I frowned in puzzlement as he left. I wasn't special…

Suddenly tired again, I commented with a yawn, "Lake, you're a complicated man to figure out… It would be a lot easier if you woke up."

* * *

Two days later, I was sitting up on my hospital bed: bored and sleep deprived! Unlike hospitals, there were no televisions with Animal Planet or Lifetime to watch. Me actually watching Lifetime was doubtful anyway but still… The surroundings weren't that fun either. We were I guess in the ICU of the sick bay and segregated from the world by a wall of Plexiglas. Not many people came in for anything so people-watching wasn't in the list of activities, either. The corpsmen I guess took the 'me knocking out one of their own' personally. They didn't like me.

I discovered also that, unfortunately, I had no way to get reading material. I was bookless and it was beginning to wear on me. I had slept for a full twenty-four hours after Doc had come to visit but I'd been drowsy but normal after that. At least as normal as a person counting the rivets in the ceiling can be.

Unfortunately, after my initial bout of sleep, drowsy was about as good as it got for me. I had nightmares every time my eyes shut. The lights were kept low and with no windows, my body had no concept of night and day. I dozed whenever my body was tired; which was all the time. The dreams showcased either my students being riddled with bullets, our sprint toward Cameroon, or the horrible time Lake and I spent captured. I relived my torture every time. In most of them…Lake died.

I woke up short of breath with a pounding heart. I crawled in next to Lake afterward. I needed to know that he was alive. After the first nightmare, I had tried to take preemptive measures by getting into bed with Lake before I fell asleep. It didn't work; the nightmares still came. However, when I woke up and felt his heartbeat underneath my ear, I was able to go back to sleep easier. That horrible span of time not knowing what was real and what were my worst fears was gone when I slept next to him.

Doc and Red had come to visit me a couple of times, though I think it was more to see Lake than me. But since Lake hadn't rejoined the land of the living yet, they talked to me instead. Doc was really nice and Red was grumpy at first but warmed up, dubbing me 'babe' for all intents and purposes. I attributed it to his being from Georgia. Together they were hilarious. I was afraid of pulling the stitches I now had in my back every time they made me laugh. I quickly came to count them as friends. We developed big brothers and little sister relationships. They distracted me from my Lake worry and helped me with the intense feeling of anticlimax I was suffering from.

They were apparently busy though because neither had come to see me since I woke up that day. It wasn't their job and they probably had orders or something to do but I was going insane. It didn't help that every time I looked around I saw Lake sitting there still unmoving. It put an even bigger damper on my mood. I was so worried about him.

The corpsmen had gotten mad at me when I kept crawling into bed with him so I was forced to stop. That didn't make things any easier. Even if he was unconscious, Lake was still Lake and he made me feel better. I still had the need to know he was all right even when I wasn't dreaming. They said I would lay on his IV or something and kill him. I thought they were being stupid. I came so surprisingly close to swearing at them it would have made Lake laugh…

As I looked absently over at him, I wished he would laugh again. I was so used to seeing him not moving that I almost turned my head away before really taking in what I saw. My head swung abruptly back…

Groaning, Lake was bringing a hand up to rub his eyes, though that seemed to hurt his shoulder. His eyes opened not long after. Blinking, he looked around and then saw me. He immediately smiled, "Hey, Jess…"

I could only stare for a long moment.

Then I leapt from my bed in a flurry of motion that my knee and back protested very strongly to. I didn't care. Grabbing my IV and correctly removing my painkiller drip this time, I ran over and flung my arms around him. A hundred things to say flew through my mind but I was so struck with happiness and relief that not a sound came out. I just hugged him, hiding my thankful tears.

He laughed, and I mean really laughed. The laughter in the truck and our cell was nothing compared to this. It was real and heartfelt and loud even if it seemed to tire him. He wrapped an arm gently around me. "It's good to see you, too." I pulled back and smiled at him, blinking my tears away unsuccessfully and still unable to speak.

Reaching up, Lake wiped my tears away with his thumb and smiled, "I'm happy you're alive too, Jess." The intimate gesture stole my breath from me. I caught his gaze and we held it. The intensity that I knew from him was there as always but it was a different kind. This wasn't business intense. This one was…different. This one made me all warm and fuzzy inside. This one made me smile, especially when his thumb began tracing the side of my cheek.

I was happy just to smile back at him but eventually my knee got tired of holding me up. So, pulling my IV closer to the bed, I rearranged myself and lay down. Lake didn't seem to mind in the slightest and I'll note that I was no where even near his IV. "So, you'll never guess what I did when I woke up."

He laughed again, wrapping an arm around me like it was the most natural action in the world, "Oh shit, I'm scared to ask."

"That's about what Doc said when he came in," I answered with a grin, leaning back into his embrace. He was laughing hysterically about me punching and knocking out the woman when a corpsman came around to find out what was going on.

He stared at us both for a long moment and then let out an exasperated sigh as he entered, "Dammit, Miss Francis! We told you a million times. Get to your own bed! I'm sick of telling you. Now go!" He pointed toward my bed and glared.

I blushed bright red at how he'd worded that. It made it sound like I was creepy and slightly like a dog that'd jumped up on the couch one too many times. I opened my mouth to say something but I was too mortified to come up with anything. I just glanced helplessly from him to Lake and back.

Lake's features darkened though. "Hey, she's not a fucking shitzu you can order around. She's laying here and she's staying here. If I want to turn her into my own personal, talking teddy bear, that's my business. So fuck off."

As he took a step closer, I discovered the corpsman was either very brave or very stupid. He argued back, "I'm your doctor and so it is my business if you want to have her over there sleeping with you because she's going to end up blocking your IV or reopening your stitches. The beds are too damn small and, petty officer, you're not exactly petite. So I'm telling her to leave."

Lake's hold on me only tightened, "I don't need a fucking doctor." But, even though his voice had as much bite as ever, he was beginning to blink a lot, as if battling sleep. The corpsman didn't fail to notice.

"I'd say the five gunshot wounds say otherwise, as does your commanding officer. Stop arguing and let me take care of you."

Even before the man had finished, I knew that was the wrong thing to say to Lake. Insinuating that he needed to be taken care of wasn't going to get that corpsman anywhere.

"I don't need a goddamn doctor!" Lake was as indomitable as they come but fatigue and his wounds were beginning to win. He was just as angry but even quieter than before. I was having this horrible bout of déjà vu. This was exactly how he'd been in the truck, right before he passed out for the final time…

I didn't want to hurt him anymore. Maybe the corpsman was right. Quietly, I began, "It's okay, Lake. I'll go."

"I'm not leaving you alone again…" he mumbled with eyes closed. "They hurt you when they take you away from me. I'm not letting them hurt you anymore, Jess. I promised…"

The tears welled in my eyes and I fought a sob so hard it came out as a hiccup. He thought we were back in Nigeria he was so drowsy. I kissed his cheek and whispered, "They're not taking me anywhere, Kelly." I felt his hand tighten against my stomach but seconds later he was breathing deeply with sleep again.

I lay there, gazing up at him, until the corpsman's annoyed exhale distracted me. "Thank god! If I'd known he was going to be such a pain I would've kept him sedated." We stared at each other for a few moments until he petulantly demanded, "Well, are you moving or not?"

"No." He stood there staring at me. I reiterated, "I'm not moving. Go do something if it bothers you!" Finally giving up he threw up his hands and stomped off. I knew he was just trying to do his job and he had some valid points but I wasn't about to let Lake wake up without me there. He'd die of a heart attack after everything.

Falling asleep on Lake wasn't hard to do and soon I also was out like a light.

* * *

"Yeah, now that ya're awake and stable, they're flying us back to Norfolk. I guess they're tired of their freezer space being encroached upon. Rhodes is planning on it tomorrow sometime." It took me a moment but I recognized that voice as Red's as I began to wake. The bit of Southern accent gave him away.

I felt the rumble of Lake's voice in his chest rather than really hearing him. "Where's LT? I haven't seen him around."

"He took the flight out with Zee and Kendricks about a day before she woke up. Zee was stable enough to fly and they decided he needed a full-on hospital sooner rather than later." Doc was around, too, apparently.

"How long was Jess out anyway?" Only one man called me Jess.

"Three days not counting the hour they spent trying to detach her from you," Doc said with laughter in his voice.

"Huh?" I felt Lake query.

I could almost see Doc nod, "Yeah, I guess in the helicopter she kinda grabbed onto your hand and was out right away. When they landed and tried to get you on different gurneys she fought them on that. She didn't regain consciousness but she refused to let go. They had to give her a muscle relaxant to get her off." Lake's grip around my shoulder tightened briefly. "They were surprised she was unconscious that long, though. The head corpsman was telling me he figured she would have gotten up after about twenty-four hours, even with morphine. He didn't think just the knee sprain, cut up shoulder, her back, and the weird bruises on her hips were enough to knock her out that long."

Lake sighed with what sounded like annoyance, "That's because he don't know shit about what happened to her. And he's not taking into account how long she'd been up and going before we got picked up. Those cuts and bruises aren't all they did…"

"What'd ya mean, Lake?" I heard the bed next to us squeak, like Red was leaning toward us. I knew it wasn't exactly right to eavesdrop but it would be so awkward if I just decided to wake up while they were talking about me. Besides, I didn't want to talk about what happened. And these guys…they weren't going to let the subject drop.

"When I woke up after they…'operated' on me, she was there screaming at them. Sadick himself came and wanted her to make that video. I don't think Jess realized I'd woken up but it didn't seem to matter. She planted herself in front of me and wasn't moving. Fuck, she laughed at them. All out laughed in their faces with their rifles in hers…but then they took her. They had her for hours. She was freezing when they brought her back and she was _purple—_full on purple!-and had no fucking shirt! She wouldn't tell me what they'd done to her. She just refused to talk about it except something about getting cold. That's when she got that cut on her back and I'm betting the bruises but I keep wondering what else they might've done. I was too out of it to really figure anything out when she made that video and they wouldn't let me look at her until they left. I mean…a beautiful white woman with those bastards…"

Lake had just called me…beautiful!

He continued, the anger still sharp in his voice, "Whatever it was they did, it's still scaring the shit out of her. She talks in her sleep about being cold almost every night. I can usually talk her back to sleep when she has her nightmares but being cold comes up every time. She starts shivering if there's so much as a draft. Guys, she won't even take a drink of cold water. She always waits a couple hours until it's room temp. I can't stop wondering what it was they did that involved cold. You know, what _all_ they did to her… It's fucking driving me insane."

Doc put in, "I asked but they didn't do a rape kit on her. I guess they figured they had more important things to worry about."

"Yeah, I see where ya are coming from. After that village it's hard to believe they wouldn't."

Suddenly, I was angry. I know I was supposed to be asleep but did they think I trusted them that little? Being _raped_ isn't exactly a small occurrence! A woman usually mentioned that small fact, especially to the guys she knew weren't going to hurt her. That and it kind of scared that me Lake had figured out that much about my now deep seeded fears…

Lake was beginning to ask, "You think we could get them to run one now...?"

"Or, novel idea here, you could just ask Jessicka and she could tell you!"

I glared at each of them in turn after I opened my eyes and sat up. "You know, if that had happened, I would have told you. Even if I didn't trust you, I would have told someone so they could make sure that I didn't get anything from it. I'd wanna know if some rebel gave me AIDS!"

Doc looked a bit sheepish at my fierce gaze, as did Red but a little less so. Lake was as stubborn as ever. He shot back, "Jess, look me straight in the eyes and try and tell me they didn't do anything to you! Seriously, something had to have happened."

Livid, I yelled, "Kelly Lake, there is a world of difference between being felt up and being raped! The main one being that I would tell you about the latter but probably keep the former to myself because it's just slightly more than mortifying to let people know that a dozen men you don't even know got to touch your boobs because your hands were tied behind your back and you couldn't do a thing about it! Tell me how exactly you'd go about that! Would you just go and tell everyone that you were too weak to do anything. Especially since your head was being dun…"

I trailed off as a cold shiver went down my spine and through my limbs. Just thinking about it made me cold, nauseous, and terrified. Closing my eyes, I tried to make myself stop trembling.

"Your head was being what, Jess?"

I answered him with silence until I could get my shivering under control. Now too tired and scared to stay angry, I just lay down again, this time facing away from him. "My head is fine. The bruises on my hips won't kill me and the closest any of them got to raping me was the guy I kicked. I wasn't in the right position to be raped. Doc, the reason I didn't wake up is because for the days before I'd eaten two mangos. I'm tired. You should all shut up and let me sleep…"

"Not a snowball's chance in hell, Jess. What did they do to you?"

I sighed, voice still quiet, "Nothing nearly as bad as what they did to you. I'm fine so just leave it be!"

"No. I was trained for mine. You weren't. Spill it."

Narrowing my eyes and looking at him, I quipped, "Kelly, you let this rest and we'll call it even on the fingernail polish you owe me." He cracked a small smile at that, apparently deciding to let me win for the moment.

"Hey, I promised I'd get you more. So that's what I'm going to do."

"Uh huh, sure Kelly. We'll pretend I believe you," I grinned back. Even though it happened all the time, I still couldn't wrap my head around how neither of us could stay truly mad at the other. We always ended up laughing and talking about whatever it was without yelling…except about this. I wasn't backing down. Hopefully we wouldn't fight; we just wouldn't talk at all.

Red broke in there, slightly behind in the conversation apparently, "Dude, she knows your name? Ya never tell anybody your name!"

"Well, apparently I tell her." Lake sounded annoyed, yet I could see the slightest bit of blush on his face. That was the second time that it'd been brought up that him telling me his name was a big deal. Weird…

Putting his hands up defensively, Red shot back, "Hey, ya know it's the truth. Don't ya jump down my throat! Christ…"

Doc shook his head, laughing. "Come on, Red. We'll let the kids battle it out by themselves. Let's go get packed. I'll ask around and let you know what time we're going, all right, Lake."

He nodded, "Thanks man." Within moments of their leaving, Lake rounded on me again, though with more pleading than command in his tone, "You're really not going to tell me what happened?"

I shook my head, "No." I almost caved at the helpless look on his face. Trying to make up for it, I continued, "It's over and I'm not hurt. It'll be fine."

Those green eyes bored into me again, when he looked back to him, imploring me again, "Jess, just because I can't see the bruises doesn't mean that you're fine…"

Tears pricking my eyes, I snuggled closer into his side, holding onto him like a life preserver. "Kelly, can we please not talk about it. Please, I'm begging you…"

Sighing, he wrapped an arm around me and kissed the top of my head, "Okay…for now."

That position had become so familiar and natural between us that I didn't even think about it. A half chuckle came out of my chest at his determination as I muttered, "Kelly Lake, sometimes you really annoy me, you know that."

"Oh come on," he teased. "You like me a little, admit it." I glared up at him.

"Hey, don't use my own words against me! That's not fair. I'll throw something back at you if you don't watch it."

A sly grin crossed his face, "Easy way to fix that. All I have to do is swear in every sentence and you're stuck." He started laughing at the trapped look I gave him. Finally, with nothing witty or even remotely like a comeback, I did the only thing I could.

I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Ok, I'm guessing 'kids' was an apt reference," Doc laughed as he reentered.

Answering in unintended unison, Lake and I yelled, "_It's not me_!"

"_Jinx_!"

We both screeched the elementary school tradition, now looking at each other. Giggles rising up in my chest, I fell into his shoulder in hysterics. His laugh was subdued but I knew that it was only because of his wounds. Even so, I loved Lake's laugh. It was deep and throaty and filled with happiness that sent my heart flying.

Smiling with a noticeable degree of confusion, Doc shook his head and explained, "Jessicka, Captain Rhodes wants to you in his office for debriefing now."

Out of instinct, I turned to Lake with my question. "What's debriefing?"

"It's you telling our boss how the mission went. Usually only we have to do it but since you got a little more…involved than most he needs to hear it from you. He came in and did it with me when you were asleep this morning."

Nodding my comprehension, I thanked him. Then the thought struck me. Wait a second; I had been sleeping on Lake's bed that morning. His boss had seen me sleeping with him. I didn't know why I found that embarrassing but I did. "So, when are we going?" I looked back up at Doc.

He held out a pair of crutches and smiled, "You said you were 5'7", right?"

Smiling, I nodded. I hobbled about a bit until I got comfortable with them but then yelled with happiness, "Freedom!" Doc laughed and so did Lake but I saw the jealousy coming from his already green eyes. He wanted to get up more badly than I did. Grinning, I tried to lighten his mood, "See you in a bit."

It felt amazing, just getting out of that room and I had never been one subject to be stir-crazy.

Doc and I chatted as he led me through an impenetrable labyrinth of halls and stairs and other such nonsense that was not designed for crutches. He came to a stop in front of a door that looked mostly like all the others except that this one had a seal of some kind on it. He knocked and when a barked "Enter" answered him, he opened the door and nodded for me to enter.

I hobbled cautiously in; worried that Doc had stayed just inside the door, not coming all the way in with me.

I looked up to see an older man with salt and pepper hair rising from his desk and extending a hand. "Hello Miss Francis, I'm Captain Rhodes. I think we might've spoken on a radio before." He smiled a bit and it set me at ease.

After struggling with the uncooperative crutches, I managed to shake his hand. "Yeah, I think I'll be able to listen a little better this time, sir." My unconscious action of calling him sir made me blush the slightest bit until he smiled faintly again, as if to say it was all right and he got it all the time.

"Well, I guess down to business now." I all but collapsed into the chair he motioned to as he got out a pen and notepad and settled a pair of glasses on his nose. "I just need to clarify a few things for the report of the mission. There are a few periods of time that Petty Officer Lake can't quite account for, understandably. So…"

His questions were simple and unobtrusive, something I was grateful for. Very seldom did he seem to need more than the straight forward answers I gave him. Though he did ask for what exactly I had told Sadick. Apparently, Lake had mentioned it with a reverence Rhodes wasn't used to. The captain broke a smile at my intellectual defiance, too. It wasn't until the end that he asked the question that seemed to have been bothering him—the one he'd been trying to avoid.

"Now, Miss Francis, Lake mentioned that you were taken away from where you two were being held for a long period of time. He said that Sadick himself was there both when you were taken and when you returned. Miss Francis…Jessicka…I really do need to know what it was they did to you. I know it's hard but what did they do before convincing you to take part in that video?"

Biting my lip, I stayed silent. I knew that a question like this was going to come. I'd allowed myself a faint hope when he hadn't asked it earlier but now here it was staring me in the face again. Sighing, I turned around, "Doc, can you please leave?"

At the captain's nod, he acquiesced with a look of pure confusion on his face. I felt bad because he probably thought I didn't trust him with the information but I had my reasons. I saw Rhodes questioning them as I turned back to face him. Keeping my voice as strong as I could, I explained, "Kelly would kill himself blaming himself for what happened to me. As stupid as it is, he would and he feels bad enough for every other tiny thing that happened to me. I'm not risking him finding this out."

Rhodes nodded, "All right, go ahead."

With a deep sigh, I closed my eyes and began. I explained the room and the water. I explained the dunking and the spraying and the evil smiles. I explained the pain and the groping and the bruises on my hips. I explained my sheer and utter terror.

It took longer than the rest of the interview had in total. I forced myself to stop and collect myself every time tears threatened. I was not going back to sick bay looking like I'd just been crying. It would defeat the entire purpose of Lake not finding out. After telling up the point where I started the video, I asked, "Is that enough?"

With a comforting and apologetic smile on his face, he nodded, "Thank you, Jessicka. Have a good flight back to the States tomorrow." After I had risen and was beginning to reach the door, he called after me, "Just so you know, Lake's imagination is probably making him even guiltier right now than if you just told him what happened. It's a SEAL thing. We don't like what we can't control but he's seen a lot of terrible things. Your fear and the few things he knows are giving him a hundred horrible scenarios that are killing him inside."

I paused but didn't look back. I was doing what was right…right?

"Hey Doc, is there any chance I could get some real food?" I queried when I got outside.

I guess he took pity upon me and didn't voice the many questions brewing in his expression. "Sure. Follow me." We chatted on the way there like nothing had happened. I was grateful to Doc for it. I began to really realize that it was just how he was. He wasn't the type to take offense that other people had secrets. If you didn't want him to know, he wasn't going to push it unless he had a reason to. I admired him for that.

It also made me think about all the secrets that I had actually been keeping from these three men that I now considered good friends…especially Lake. One secret, for some reason that I _really_ didn't want to understand why at the time, was bothering me considerably when it came to Lake.

I didn't want to possibly have to consider the fact that as we spent more and more time together in sick bay with no bullets and shrapnel coming threateningly toward us, my feelings for Lake were beginning to change. I'd always accepted that he was a very nice man to look at…putting it mildly. Now though, it was more than that. Albeit, none of our situations together had been particularly _normal_ they still felt normal and effortless and comfortable. Back home, I refused to date, pure and simple and had for almost a year. I hadn't the faintest idea if Lake even had a second thought about me when it came to feelings or attraction or whatever this was that I was feeling. But, what I did know was that I felt more myself and more comfortable than any other time when we were just lying there talking and he had an arm around me…

My reason for not dating was beginning to nag at me.

Doc and I reached the cafeteria—which I immediately learned was a galley after calling it a cafeteria and having the nearest sailor laugh at me—in a matter of moments. He then looked over, "So, what'd you feel like eating?"

As I crutched myself over to what I assumed was the back of the line, I shook my head, "Oh, I'm not hungry. Not really, at least."

"Umm, Jessicka, then why are we here?"

I just smiled, "You'll see." A younger man than the guys was the one handing out food and he looked at me with widening eyes when he took in my crutches, bandages and bruised face and neck. Apparently I'd been talked about. Biting back my embarrassment, I asked, "Do you guys have ice cream on this boat?"

"_SHIP!"_ I was immediately corrected by all within earshot.

I sighed, "Fine, _ship_…"

The food man nodded, "Yeah, sure. What flavor are you looking for?"

"Chocolate chip cookie dough with chocolate sauce and sprinkles and I need a brownie if you've got one, please."

"Give me a second and I'll have that done for you…" he looked at me with obvious confusion. I just smiled and relaxed my bad leg to wait. Doc looked at me with the same puzzled look when the guy handed me my bowl of ice cream with brownie and a spoon. "Here you go."

Grinning, I thanked him and then handed the bowl to Doc. "I can't hold and hobble at the same time. Could you carry it for me please?"

"Sure. You can just eat it in here you know."

I shrugged, "I'd rather go back and sit if that's all right." Shaking his head and muttering a bit behind me, he followed me as I followed his every instruction on how to get back to the sick bay through the labyrinth of halls and doors. It was ridiculous!

When we reached sick bay again and I took the bowl from him, he seemed to finally understand the reasoning behind my quest. "I'm guessing this is Lake's favorite ice cream," he inferred with a chuckle.

I smiled with a nod, "It came up... Although, I threw in the sprinkles; they make me smile."

Laughing, he shook his head, "You really are special you know that." I rolled my eyes but he cut me off with a serious face before I could retort anything, "I'm serious, Jessicka. I have never _ever_ seen him laugh this much—even with us-or seen him take to anyone so quickly. He liked you from the get-go and that's not normal. Say what you will, but you're special."

He left me at the door of sick bay with that. I only caught myself a few moments later, still staring open-mouthed at where he had been. He-he had to be full of it…

I looked down and realized that Lake's ice cream was melting. Hurrying then, I hobbled to our beds. Lake was laying there with his eyes closed, awake and bored out of his mind.

Assuming the genuine happiness that I got whenever I was around Lake, I announced, "Kelly, wake up! I've brought you something!"

He jumped in surprise and at the sound of his first name but a smile spread over his face when he recognized my voice. "Really? What did Rhodes send back with you…Holy shit, it's real food!" I could only laugh as he snatched the bowl from my hands and began devouring it. I threw my crutches onto my bed and carefully eased onto his with him.

"I remembered right, didn't I?" I questioned with a bit of worry. We'd discussed ice cream while running for our lives. A couple of things had happened since then and I was concerned I'd mixed what he'd said up.

He paused in his voracious breaking of his sugar fast and looked over at me. His smile came back immediately. "You got it perfect, Jess. Thank you." He pressed a cold, tacky kiss to my cheek.

"Ah! It's sticky!" I laughed, my misgivings vanishing and my fluttery feelings erupting. Lake just chuckled into his dessert and Doc's words rang in my head again. Lake laughing wasn't a big deal to me. He laughed all the time. I couldn't understand how they found it weird. He was one of those people where once he warmed up to you he was a happy, open, laughing kind of guy. At least, that's how he'd always been with me…

Despite my ponderings, the inexorable contentment that always came over me began to settle as we began talking. He tried to reassure me that the plane ride wouldn't be bad. I _highly_ doubted that since I abhorred flying more than anything else in the world…except perhaps my mother.


	8. VIII

**Part III-Norfolk, Virginia**

"Jess, calm down, would ya?" Lake admonished with a bit of amusement, "It's not going to be that bad."

I couldn't quite get up the guile to make a face at him as I watched a fighter jet be rocketed off the end of the ship at who knows how many hundreds of miles per hour yet again. The churning in my stomach wiped the annoyance right off my face. "Oh yes it is."

"I promise you it's not. You already proved you can fly a truck. Actually flying in something that is meant to won't be that bad." He continued to tease me, attempting to lighten my mood. Against my stomach and nerves' wishes, his smile worked like only it could.

"Hey, you weren't even conscious for that. Shut up," I laughed. It should have been odd that we could already joke about our "life threatening ordeal" but it just felt weird to shut the whole thing away. It was what had brought us together and somehow that couldn't be ignored, just joked about for our sanity.

The corpsman charged with rolling Lake's gurney out there just rolled her eyes at us and grumbled incoherently. They still didn't like me that much because of the "incident" and Lake wasn't a cooperative patient—putting it mildly. We weren't exactly the sunshine of the sick bay. How I had no idea because I couldn't get the smiles off my face when I was with him, which had been practically twenty-four seven the last five days.

Doc and Red looked on, secretly exchanging smiles that they thought I couldn't see. Those two were worse than two old women when it came to Lake and I. They stayed out of our banter, surprisingly, though I didn't mind. I was selfish when it came to Lake. I wanted him all to myself all the time.

I didn't even want to begin to venture into what that said about what I felt about him…

Lake hit the corpsman with a hard glare, reminiscent of the ones I'd gotten that first night in the forest when I tried to attack him. She did the smart thing—she cowered like a little girl. Before she had a chance to wet herself we were cleared to cross part of the flight deck and get into our plane. It was a big one with two engines with propellers. It was the standard military gray with all the numbers that I hadn't the faintest idea what they signified.

While Lake was unwillingly rolled across the scorching asphalt-like surface, Red and Doc both pressed firm, strong hands to my back to keep me steady as I maneuvered my crutches. I sent Lake a look saying 'It's gonna be bad!' if only to make him smile again. He'd wanted to walk but the doctors wouldn't let him. They wouldn't even let him transfer from his bed in sick bay to the gurney he was now on by himself. They'd insisted he was still too weak.

That had _not_ been a fun conversation. He had literally started shaking. You never told Lake he was weak—_ever_. And, not just because his pride wouldn't allow it, but because it was a blatant lie.

Yet, the corpsmen had signed their death wishes and refused to let him get much more than into a sitting position. The one thing that Lake got to claim for himself was that _they_ weren't going to be the ones to move him. I'd hobbled away when no one was looking—or caring at least—on Lake's request and fetched Doc and Red. They'd been the ones to pick him up and transfer him to the gurney.

If you couldn't have your dignity, at least let your friends carry it for you…

My stomach churned as I climbed the ramp into the back of the plane on my crutches. Red knelt down in front of me and strapped me in and stowed my crutches away somewhere safe. I began visibly shaking as they strapped Lake's stretcher in place a little in front of me to my left while Red and Doc took their own seats. I hadn't missed the disconcerting fact that I was sitting backwards relative to the plane. When we took off I'd be shooting straight back…I didn't find this a pleasant turn of events.

Red and Doc didn't seem to notice my fear, but Lake glanced over and saw it immediately. He reached back a hand toward me and said comfortingly, "Hey, it'll be all right."

That was all he said, simply giving me his hand for encouragement. I wondered if he knew that holding his hand was honestly and genuinely all it took. I intertwined my fingers with his calloused ones and tried to take deep breaths. He flashed me a smile when I chanced to open my eyes. Grinning weakly back, I iterated, "Roller coasters have _never_ been my thing, you know…"

"Well don't worry. This is a hell of a lot shorter." Hope flashed over his features and his grin turned mischievous, "You're gonna scream aren't you." I glared at him in a way that probably just shouted 'Duh!' to the world. "This is it, Jess. Today is the day I hear you swear!"

I dissolved into giggles and gave his hand a squeeze, "Don't count on it, Kelly. I'm not letting one little airplane screw up two years' worth of profanity-free speech, buddy." The chatter from our companions cut off abruptly.

Red drawled with disbelief, "Two years of _what_?!"

Before either of us could answer him, the pilot called back, "We're up in fifteen seconds!"

Huffing a bit at not getting an answer to his question yet, Red demonstrated to me how to cross my arms over my chest and put my head down. As it happened, I only crossed one arm: the other remained holding Lake's hand. He'd just finished speaking when all of a sudden my body shot backwards, leaving my stomach far behind it and wrenching a terrified shriek from my lips that would've done a banshee proud.

A very long jet-lagged eighteen hours later, we were in the naval hospital in Norfolk, Virginia. Unconsciously deciding I didn't really care if the corpsmen liked me or not, I immediately left my room to go and find Lake's, dragging my pillow along with me like a six-year-old with her teddy bear. He woke up when I crawled in next to him. A smile came over his face and he wrapped an arm around me without a mention of why I wasn't in my own room. "You really do know how to scream, don't you, Jess," he murmured teasingly before his eyes closed and his cheek came to rest on the top of my head.

"Shut up, Kelly," I whispered back. Readjusting the blanket a bit, I wrapped my own arm around his healing stomach and let sleep take me.

* * *

I woke up to the soothing rumble that was Lake's voice in his chest underneath my ear. Content to grasp at the disappearing smoke that was sleep, I did not open my eyes. I'd had two nightmares that night. Lake had woken up with me and coaxed me back to sleep but I was still drowsy. Slowly, I began to understand the voices above me. Red was the one in there instead of Doc like usual. There was also another voice that I didn't recognize right away.

"It's at three this afternoon? Already?" Lake asked.

I could practically see Red nodding as he answered, "Yeah, sudden I know. But they're taking Flea back to Wyoming tomorrow so this is the last day they'll all be here together. I ran to your apartment this morning and grabbed your uniform for ya. I was kinda talking with the doctors, too, and…you're not gonna like it…"

"What…?" The tension in the air was thick and Lake's anger was rising. Not only could I hear it in his voice, but I could feel the muscles in his chest and arms tense up. I chose that moment to visibly awaken. Turning to look at me, Lake smiled, though the anger from the moment earlier hadn't left his eyes, "Hey, Jess."

I yawned through my grogginess, "Hey. What's going on?" I nodded toward Red and who I now saw was LT.

"There's going to be a memorial for Slo, Silk, and Flea today at three. Red was just about to tell me something that the doctors said…" The challenge was there and set. Red couldn't back out of telling him now.

Red looked around for a bit, avoiding answering until LT finally decided to be the one to rip off the Band-Aid. "They're not letting you go alone. They're sending a corpsman with you to push your wheelchair for you."

There was murder in Lake's green eyes and his mouth opened and a very creative, passionate string of curses was about to come out I was sure, before I interrupted. "Kelly, could…could I come? I know I didn't know them very well or anything but… well, they kept me safe, too… and Slo got stuck with carrying me around and Flea saved me from that rebel and Silk was always nice…"

He fixed me with that intense gaze that made my stomach start tap dancing. It wasn't unlike the one he'd given me after me asking how to kill the man back in Nigeria. There was this reverent amazement on his face that was mirrored on the other men's faces. I shrank back into Lake's side, embarrassed.

They exchanged glances and LT nodded, "Of course. We'd be honored if you came. Red, take her shopping and get her something to wear. I'll clear it with the nurses' station out there. It's ten now so have her back by two at the latest." He exited and I guess just knew that his orders would be followed. It wasn't in a mean kind of way or anything. He was a good leader and when he made sense he expected to be followed.

I smiled at that. Sliding off the bed and grabbing my crutches, I kissed Lake on the cheek, "See you later, Kelly." He grinned at me in that way that sent my butterflies fluttering. I was just out of the room and sight when I heard Lake call Red back.

They whispered but I got the gist of it. "Red, get her a coat, please. She's going to start shivering and get scared if she has to go out and it's cold."

Red nodded, "Yeah, it's gonna rain today anyway. Don't worry, man. I'll take care of your woman for ya." The grin was clear in his tone. The smack I heard connoted that Lake had reached out and hit his friend's arm.

"Shut up. She's not _my_ woman. I mean we're not dating or anything…"

Red's tone seemed to shrug, "Doesn't matter. She's still your girl and ya know it. Just because ya haven't worked up the balls to tell her you're crazy about her doesn't mean the rest of us don't see it. From how she actually stands to be around your antisocial ass for pretty much the whole day every day, I'd say she's got friendly feelings toward ya, too."

I blushed bright red. Ok, friendly wasn't quite the way I'd describe them. Scared to death but half in love with him worked better…

"Red, we met when we'd just been kidnapped, tortured, shot at, and I had to have her kill someone none of which had ever happened to her before. Man, I made her _kill_ someone. Generally, one wouldn't say that's a very good basis for a relationship!" Lake sounded nervous, like he really actually kind of wished it could be a good basis…

"If she hadn't you would've died. I think she's okay with it. The last week you haven't been any of those things and she seems all right, considering. And hey, where do any of those things figure into you being so damn worried about her every little comfort and her bringing you a bowl of your favorite ice cream. Yeah, Doc told me. Hell, look at LT and Dr. Lena. They're together now apparently. Stop being a dumbass and get on it. She likes you. You like her. Pure and simple."

Red rejoined me then and smiled, "Ya ready, babe?"

Laughing, I shot back, "Are you, Red?" For that beautiful, sparkling moment I was only filled with the knowledge that Lake liked me. He _wanted _to date me… I chattered happily with Red, who was naturally more talkative than Lake. Not that Lake was quiet around me—he just was with everyone else.

For the next four hours I dragged Red around a mall in Norfolk. I promised to pay him back for everything he bought me repeatedly but he shrugged it all off. "Whenever you get around to it is cool. I know you're good for it."

As we were attending a funeral of sorts, I knew that black was in order. They were all going to be in their uniforms and I wasn't going to show up in something any less formal. Despite a decent amount of trouble from my crutches, I managed to find and get into a dress I liked. It was just about knee length. Even though it was a halter top, it covered a good portion of my back so my still gory cut wouldn't be noticed. It also had a built in bra which was wonderful because mine was disgusting and I'd long ago parted ways with it and there was _no way_ I was going bra shopping with Red for a new one. That just wasn't something I felt like doing. After finding a plain pair of black flats and some underwear, I was done tormenting Red for the day.

Unfortunately for him though, there was a Barnes and Noble in that mall and I insisted on dragging him into it. I sighed contentedly as I took a long inhale of the book and coffee aroma that permeated the store. That smell was one of the main reasons I loved the place so much.

Red however sighed with a grin on his face. He muttered something along the lines of, "Lake, you've got a hell of a lot of books in your future…"

As it turned out, they had all their movies on sale for 50% off. I couldn't pass it up. There were three movies that I absolutely needed. With that added delay, we were running a bit late. Red still had to get ready so he drove back to his apartment and let me get ready in his bathroom.

I didn't have any make-up on or anything but, from what I had met of Slo, he wouldn't have cared. I assumed the others wouldn't either. With my darkish hair combed out and washed in the sink—after having the hot water running for a good ten minutes—I felt a lot cleaner and more put together. I put it back into a nice bun. I was surprised that Red had hair bands and bobby pins but apparently an ex-girlfriend of his had left in a rush while he was on assignment and didn't bother with most of her things. She'd had a new guy to see. Red seemed to have moved on but I still felt bad. Kelly's comments about girlfriends came to my mind. It really must be hard for them to find women to stick with them. I guess they hadn't met anyone truly worthy yet.

I then slipped on my dress. My shoulder wasn't as purple and was mostly scabbed and you could only see a few inches of my cut. My knee was the only thing that showed and really looked bad with lines of red and purple contrasting glaringly against my pale skin. I tried to hide it under my skirt as best I could. Who'd be looking at my knees anyway?

When I emerged, Red was dressed to perfection in his dark blue uniform. With a smile, he handed me a black leather jacket that was a tad bit big for me. "It's gonna rain. Lake left it here weeks ago," he said as the only explanation. His grin didn't falter and I knew he was thinking of his and Lake's conversation from earlier…

Then, really looking at me, he smiled, "You look good, babe... I mean it," he reiterated at my doubtful look. Gently taking my arm, he commented, "Lake's a lucky man." A surprised squeak came out that I didn't intend and he just grinned more.

We drove in his pick-up to the entrance of a public garden of some kind. There was a church not far and I could see base buildings. I guessed the beautiful green space with seasonal flowers was used for this purpose often. There were paths made of patio bricks and white rock. They wouldn't do my knees any favors but I sucked it up without another thought. I focused on the remaining flowers and my reason for being there.

A number of cars were already there and I recognized Lena standing next to LT and a woman I didn't know. Red handed me my crutches from the back and walked close beside me in case I took any tumbles. I exchanged a smile with Lena when she noticed me. She came over and we talked for a while. It was easy to fall back into the casual friendship we'd had before. She began pointing out who everyone was from an outsider's point-of-view like I had. Slo's wife was there, along with Silk's parents and Flea's girlfriend and brothers.

With Lena there, Red left my side and went to talk to them. Lena and I stayed discreetly to the periphery. It didn't feel right to say much of anything. We were intruders; intruders with honorable reasons, but intruders none the less.

It was very close to three when a van pulled up and the door opened, revealing a livid Lake in a wheelchair and a harried looking corpsman. Lake caught my gaze but there was no smile for me this time. He was angry—definitely angry—but there was this look of helplessness that I couldn't mistake. I'd seen it before back in our prison when Sadick had beaten me to make the video.

My heart slowly began to tear in two…

Quickly making a reckless decision, I asked Doc next to me quietly, "Hey, if I was a brand new corpsman what would I introduce myself as?"

He answered with clear confusion, "Probably seaman, why?"

"Would that guy be my superior?"

"No, but you'd still salute him upon seeing him. What're you up to, Jessicka?"

I snorted as I handed him my crutches, "Oh, just saving that corpsman's life." I straightened my back and walked toward the van with no limp, inwardly cringing in agony at every step when I had to put weight on my knee. I was still on crutches for a reason but that corpsman couldn't know that.

Upon getting closer to the van, I heard Lake's anger for all it was worth. It was quiet but the man really did have a way with swear words and the corpsman was very clearly intimidated. Though, Lake didn't necessarily need to be talking to be intimidating. He looked as close to tears as Lake was of killing him as his wheelchair was lowered to the ground. They both froze though as I was noticed.

Right as Lake was beginning to open his mouth, I introduced myself formally with a salute, "I'm Seaman Francis. I'm supposed to take him from here."

With clear hesitation, the corpsman saluted back and then said, "Jackson. I wasn't informed of that…"

I shrugged, taking on a friendlier air, "I know, last minute decision I guess. I'm the new guy and I guess they wanted to send me out in the rain with the 'uncooperative' patient, you know. From what I've heard, it's your lucky day."

"Where's your uniform?"

Sighing, I explained dramatically the first thing that came to mind, "A dog ate it." Lake suddenly got a horrible cough and it almost made me lose my composure. I gestured to my bad knee as I pulled up my skirt a tad, "One of the guard dogs went haywire at my last post and decided I was a good chew toy. Tore my uniform to shreds and my new one is still coming in. They told me that as long as I was appropriately dressed, I was good to go."

As my explanations succeeded in allaying his suspicions the corpsman took on a look of ecstatic relief. "Okay, sounds good. He's all yours. Is somebody coming back to pick you up later?"

I nodded, "Yes. It's all worked out."

"Awesome!" He scrambled back into the van as fast as he could after slamming the door. I honestly hadn't known that vans could accelerate that fast until I saw it fly away.

Sighing, I looked down at Lake shaking my head, "What did you do to him? He was about ready to cry!" Lake was too busy laughing to answer me. "Oh shut up, it's not _that_ funny!"

"A dog ate it! Seriously, Jess?" Lake sputtered.

"Oh, shut up before you rip a stitch, Kelly. Come on." I held out a hand to him and for a long moment he just stared at it, laughter gone. "Well come on. I'm not going to push you around in that ridiculous wheelchair. I'm crippled too, you know," I prompted with a smile.

Lake grasped my hand and between the two of us we got him standing for the first time in a week. He whispered into my dark brown hair, "Thank you, Jess." Then he pressed a kiss to my temple. I just smiled. I knew what this meant to him. We hobbled back to the group, who were now all staring, with our arms around each other just to stay vertical.

We were surprisingly good at walking like this by now. I was just the perfect height to wrap an arm around his waist and for him to hold me gently up under the arms. We fit…

The rain started slow but then began to downpour within a few minutes as we followed LT a bit further into the memorial-like garden. Thank god Lake had asked Red to get me a coat. If I hadn't been holding him, I knew I would be shivering and on the verge of tears. One of the family members there began crying and my heart went out to her. My grip around Lake's middle unconsciously tightened and I leaned my head against his chest. He squeezed my arm comfortingly.

When we all came to a stop, I tried to let him go, so he could stand on his own but Lake wouldn't have it. "Please…stay with me, Jess." I nodded, tears pricking my eyes for a reason I didn't quite understand.

We were all soaked by the time everyone was done speaking. I felt bad because everyone had told stories about them and I hadn't even known their real names until that day. When it had been Lake's turn he hadn't said much. I don't think he could. He was much too close to crying.

It still surprised me just how quiet he was with everyone else. Doc kept reminding me of how I was special and all that but it really did amaze me sometimes. We talked for hours and hours every day. It struck me that I was a pretty quiet person myself so it would probably amaze Arianna how much we talked too.

The memorial service had ended when the woman Lena had pointed out as Slo's wife came over to Lake and I. She gave him a quick hug and then turned to me, "Who are you again?" She sent a look between Lake and I that said she assumed I was his girlfriend and she was angry that she hadn't heard of me yet. I got the feeling her approval was needed.

Smiling, I held out my free hand, "I'm Jessicka Francis. I'm sorry…"

Choking on her tears for a second, she shrugged, "Yes, well. Mike would've hated it if he had to die old… So, how do you know everyone?"

"They got me out of Nigeria. They saved my life."

She stared in stunned shock for a long moment, eyes darting from Lake to me and back. While surveying me, she noticed my knee and she visibly flinched. As she looked between the two of us a final time though, she smiled faintly. It was a Mona Lisa smile: one that said she knew more than we did but she wasn't telling.

"Take care you two. I'll see you again at the funeral. I'll get a hold of you, Lake," she said as she gave me a quick but firm hug. With that, she turned and began talking to LT.

We exchanged glances at that, only to find the other just as confused. Lake chuckled and pressed another kiss to the top of my head, "For every bit of open emotion Slo ever showed, Amy keeps just as much a mystery."


	9. IX

"Lake, don't argue with me. We're watching _Lord of the Rings_ and that's final!"

"Hey, why do you get to order me around all of a sudden? When did that start?" His arms came up to cross over his chest and an eyebrow rose above his green eye. Despite his defiant expression, I could tell he was dying with laughter underneath.

I glared at him, "When you, Petty Officer Lake, started being unreasonable. I refuse to sleep in the same bed as a man who has never seen the cinematic embodiment of the most epic piece of literature ever written!"

"Wow, this was a really bad time to walk into the room, wasn't it."

I froze. I knew that voice. I hadn't heard it in about a year but I knew that voice like it was my own. I rolled off the bed and hopped in place next to it while exclaiming, "Airhead?!"

"Dammit, Sicka I thought we got over that in, like, junior high!"

"You hadn't noticed we didn't in the last five years?" I laughed as she crossed the room in a few steps as her annoying height allowed her and hugged me. "I've missed you, Arianna."

She smiled, "I know, me too. Yeah, I went to look for you in the room number the desk gave me but the people here said that you'd 'transferred' yourself. So, who's this?" Her lips curled into an amused smirk as she turned to face Lake.

"This is Lake. He's one of the Navy SEALS who saved me in Nigeria."

Lake was staring at her, mouth slightly open, trying to catch up. I sighed to myself, that wasn't unusual. Arianna was incredibly beautiful, especially compared to me.

My little sister by two years, Arianna was a tall and graceful 5'10" with blonde hair the color of wheat in July that fell into effortless waves. She was a social butterfly, loved by all, and yet still somehow not swayed by that popularity. She was confident, funny, and fearless. The only attributes we truly shared were our slightly rounded noses and dark grey eyes.

I, on the other hand, was a measly 5'7", undoubtedly clumsy, with brown hair the color of muddy dark chocolate. It was either determinedly straight or a tangled mess, not helped by the fact it fell well past my shoulder blades. I had few friends; all right no _true_ friends besides her and now the guys. People either thought I was too shy or too much of a bookworm. I was hesitant, awkward, and skittish on the whole. I was still marveling how I'd survived Africa when Lake had been unconscious.

I was far too used to the attention Arianna got when people—particularly men—met her through me for the first time. I knew she couldn't help it but it still never failed to shoot a pang of disappointment through my chest every time. There was one incident in particular that threatened to knock the wind out of me just thinking about it. That hadn't been her fault, though. For some reason, I knew that with Lake the pang was going to be much more painful than normal.

I was already prepared for it, waiting for him to launch into conversation with her and for me to be forgotten, when he asked, "Jess, why the hell's your _little_ sister taller than you?"

Arianna laughed heartily, as was her way, "Because she never wears high enough heels." She held out her hand and he shook it.

"Hey," I defended, "I can't exactly at this moment walk, let alone wear heels. Give me a break."

My comment seemed to shock Arianna into the initial purpose of her visit to me: my injuries and near death experiences. She immediately looked me over, attempting to survey my injuries with her physical therapist's eyes. Thankfully, I had on black sweatpants and a baggy Navy t-shirt Red had brought from Lake's place for me. I'd been living out of Lake's clothes the five days I'd been in Norfolk but none of us really minded except Red who had to do laundry.

I had vowed to make it known to his future wife, whomever she might be, that she wasn't getting any help whatsoever when it came to their laundry. He complained about it constantly.

For the first time I could recollect, I was glad that Lake was twice my size. I certainly hadn't been thinking that when dragging him up that hill. However, now everything hurt about me was covered and gave my sister less to worry about.

She still looked at me suspiciously, like I was purposely trying to hide injuries from her. Her voice was wary when she asked, "So, how's recovery going?"

I shrugged as I sat back down, "Good. I'm great with crutches by now. I can beat Doc down the hall and back on them." Lake chuckled at that and I smiled and added, "Whether or not he's actually trying is another story, though."

Once Lake had started complaining loudly enough about being in bed too much, the hospital had started him in physical therapy two hours a day. During that time, I was bored out of my mind. I got the feeling the corpsmen wanted me in some kind of therapy too but since I was civilian that wasn't really an option. I didn't think that technically I was a patient anymore. I was just a visitor they didn't bother to send home and gave pain meds to when needed. So, during one of my periods of boredom, Doc had come over. Between him and Red, they'd begun challenging me to races up and down the corridors. Generally, I won only because I tripped my competitor but that was beside the point. The corpsmen didn't mind so I assumed that was my physical therapy.

"That's good. I brought you a bag of your stuff," she gestured to a duffle bag she had dropped next to the door. "So, any idea when you're coming home?"

My breath caught in my throat at that one. "Home?"

Did I want to go home? It felt so normal that being here—with Lake and the team—was home. My old life, my pre-Nigeria life, felt so foreign to me. Did I want to go back to being unemployed, feeling useless, living under my mother's noxious cloud?

Finally, sensing the tension my silence had caused, I replied, "I don't know. I'm going to stay here until I'm at the very least off crutches. I'm not boarding a plane with them. It'd be nice to get my back healed up, too. Sitting for that long in airplane seats wasn't fun the last time and I was severely drugged. Besides, I have to go to Slo's funeral. And I don't have the money for a plane ticket right now, and…" I had run out of excuses.

I didn't want to come right out and say what I meant: I did not want to leave Lake. I kind of…loved him.

Doc saved me from saying anything else by entering at just that moment. Smiling as he always was, he greeted Lake and I as normal, "Hey kiddies!" Ever since our jinx incident he hadn't let us live it down. Lake glared and I sent him a look with a raised eyebrow. His grin only widened at our reaction, until he saw Arianna.

There was a heavy but not tense silence for a moment as they stared at each other. It kinda reminded me of when Lake and I met, except there were fewer firearms involved; that and they were looking at each other with a decidedly less hostile emotion. Doc's mouth had fallen slightly open and Arianna looked like she'd finally taken on the stereotypically spacey qualities of her hair color. The moment was ruined when Lake turned his snort of amusement into a severe cough.

Smirking myself, I pinched his side under the blanket, before saying, "Doc, this is my sister, Arianna. Airhead, this is Danny. He's the corpsmen in Lake's team."

Apparently recapturing the functioning of her brain, Arianna smiled and held out her hand, "Hi." Doc took it without any hesitation, crossing the space between them in a blur. As Lake and I exchanged a look, I understood why Doc and Red always had so much fun giggling about Lake and I when they thought we weren't looking.

Grinning back at me, Lake wrapped an arm around me and I lay back against his side in our normal position. Doc and Arianna were already half immersed in conversation when a sudden horrible thought struck me.

"Airhead," I began, feeling like my voice was tiptoeing across glass. I didn't want to know the answer if it was bad but I couldn't stand not knowing. My tone of voice caught everyone's attention but I continued before any of them could comment, "Airhead…is _she_ coming? Does she know?"

My sister immediately knew who I meant and she understood my sudden regression into myself. She attempted to smile encouragingly and her halfhearted attempt gave me my answer, "I don't know. When the Navy called me I wasn't home. They left a message. She came over to bitch when I listened to it. I don't know how much of it she caught…I'm sorry, Jessicka. You know, it's getting to be October. It's a bit late for protest season."

I groaned, wanting nothing more than to curl up into Lake's side and cry. I resisted the urge. "Like that's ever stopped her before. You remember the funeral in November?"

She bit her lip, a sure sign she felt horrible about something, "I promise I stopped the message as soon as I got the gist it was about you. She was in the middle of a rant so I don't think she heard. If she was coming she probably would have beat me here, right?"

This was one of the few times that our roles weren't reversed and I was the big sister again. Taking my arm from across my face where I was using it to hide my expression, I nodded with a smile, "You're probably right. Besides, she wouldn't come all the way to Virginia for me. So, how's the hospital going?"

Relieved to change the subject, she grasped onto it and between her and Doc, all their medical jargon, and my occasional nod, the conversation continued. The look on Lake's face said I was going to have to explain exactly who "she" was, however. He looked half concerned and half ready to hurt whatever it was that had me sad. Touched as I always was when I was confronted with how much he cared for me, I sent him a reassuring smile. He knew me well enough to know that my heart wasn't truly in it but he returned a grin to me.

* * *

Doc took my sister out for supper that night with an offer to drop her off at her hotel afterward. She was only too happy to agree. Leave it to my sister to get a date with one of the sweetest guys I'd ever met in about forty-five minutes. By the time they had left Lake and I, we hadn't contributed anything to the conversation in hours. I had dozed against Lake's chest like I did every afternoon. Arianna was so wrapped up in Doc that she didn't even notice enough to tease me.

I knew the teasing would come soon enough. She would never leave me alone after I wrote off dating. She let me be after my horrible break-up because of her involvement in it but after a few months, she'd started digging into me about getting out there. The last thing I wanted to do was "get out there" ever again. It had ended so horribly the last time, I hadn't thought I would ever take the chance on another man.

And then Lake happened.

I was scared to death of how in love with him I was. I held the same fears that he did about the _rocky_ start to our acquaintanceship. But the part of my mind that loved Lake to death without a second thought told me that our time together afterward was the important part. While we were in Nigeria, the most romantic we had gotten was when I accidentally said he was hot out loud. I had been too scared for my life to think about anything else or contemplate the tingles I got when he looked at me.

Now, I had all the time in the world to relish the tingles—especially because they never seemed to go away. Every time he hugged me and looked at me and I woke up with his arm around me, I smiled. I laughed every time we talked. I sighed every time he left for therapy.

I'd also had plenty of free time to analyze my feelings, even if I didn't want to.

When I first woke up on the carrier, I knew that I had gone to Lake for safety. I needed him to make me feel safe. Now, I felt not only safe but I felt like myself. I hadn't felt like that since my break up, or, actually ever. Never being good with relationships and feelings, I wasn't sure what that meant. The one thing I knew was that Lake was not some sort of rebound. I loved him far too much for himself for that to be the case.

I wasn't sure how to explain it in my mind except by saying that Lake had made me wake up and find myself again because of meeting him.

Somewhere amongst the hours I spent with him, I came to that realization. Acting on or admitting to it was another matter entirely. I knew that the only reason I had not run yet was because we weren't officially anything. I had the nagging feeling inside me that if Lake ever did ask for something more—something with a name—I would freeze like a cornered rabbit and bolt once I got my bearings.

That was what Africa had been in a sense. My life had scared me and I felt trapped by it and myself, so I ran. I was a runner. I did not have the guts to stand and fight for something, even with myself. I wouldn't allow myself to think about any of this but the feeling of dread deep in my stomach was there whenever Lake wasn't.

Lake, in his ever subtle way, pounced on me soon after my sister and Doc left. "So, who's this woman who won't come to Virginia for you? She sounds like a bitch."

I snorted bitterly, "You have no idea."

Sighing, I laid my head on his shoulder so that I could look up at him while we talked. I'd realized avoiding questions with him never got me anywhere, so I just got it over with now. The only thing I still held out on was what had happened to me. I wasn't going to hurt him like that.

Smiling faintly at that, he prodded, "Wanna give me an idea?"

"No," I snorted just to see the glare he gave me. It always made me smile when I knew he wasn't serious. I sighed again and began playing with my dark hair. "She's my mother."

He coughed up the drink of water he'd just taken. "What? Your mom?"

"Yes, my mom. I ran away to Africa to escape my mother of all people," I said with self-contempt. "Remember how I said I didn't get along with my parents? Well, it's a bit worse than in most cases."

"You don't say," he retorted with an air of the obvious. At my pleading glance, he dropped the teasing. "So, why do you get along like shit? Aside from her wanting you to be a boy?"

"Oh, where to begin? There could be the forced involvement in everything in high school. Her disdain for my college choice and degree. Her incessant babbling about how teachers are pathetic and stupid. Her little love project that violates everything I believe in. How she insists on trying to control my love life to the point that I refuse to have one. Oh yeah, I can't forget her complete hatred for anything and anyone related to the military." I groaned, running a hand over my eyes, trying very hard not to cry, "Remind me to never let her meet you."

"No problem. If you don't mind me asking, why does the military thing bother you? You're not in it, you know." His voice was tentative in the way of his that was incredibly sweet. It was only there because he didn't want to hurt my feelings.

"My grandpa was in the Marines. He's my favorite family member and she's already boycotted his funeral whenever it comes around. I had to lie to get out of the house and go see him growing up."

"Fuck, no wonder you're weird."

Gasping in offense, I turned around and smacked his laughing self upside the head. "Shut up, Kelly!" He just kept laughing and, as always, it turned contagious and I was soon laughing, too.

When we'd finally quieted, he looked me in the eyes and said seriously, "I promise I was just teasing. You're weird but in the best ways."

Smiling, I rolled my eyes dramatically, "Oh Kelly, I get it all from you." As he laughed, I lay down and cuddled onto his chest to sleep, as always.


	10. X

A few days later, when physical therapy was done, Lake finally caved and we started watching _Fellowship of the Ring_ on his laptop that Doc had brought us. I sat there quite smugly as the smiles and intense expressions that crossed his face told me he didn't mind so much. I was once again in my own clothes, as well, except for my sweatshirt. I had on a gigantic blue sweatshirt that said NAVY across the chest. It was Lake's and it smelled like him. He didn't mind so I just continued wearing it. It was…comfy and conveniently had the ability to make me fear nothing.

We had just gotten to the part when the fellowship was leaving Rivendell when his room phone began to ring.

We frowned at each other as he pushed pause and I reached over to get the ringing annoyance. No one ever called either of us. If it was the team, they just came by. No one else ever had a reason to see us. Lake's parents had called once on his cell phone and sent some very nice cards but that was about it. He had passed off his injury as less than it was—big surprise there. Arianna was coming over later but she never called. She and Doc just showed up.

I answered with clear confusion, "Hello?"

My sister's anxious voice was on the other end, incredibly rushed and hushed, "_Sicka, we have a Code B, level 12! I repeat a B, level 12!"_

I paled, knowing exactly what that meant but never having the level be that high before. "Are you sure?! A level 12?"

"_Yes, and she's headed your way. ETA five to ten minutes. She just called. Take defensive precautions_."

Suddenly wanting to do nothing more than cry, I nodded though she couldn't see me, "Thanks…"

Arianna sighed deeply, "_Good luck. I'll be there as soon as I can_."

My anxiety taking over, I slammed the phone down before hanging my head in my hands. "No, no, no, this cannot happen right now! FUCK!"

Lake visibly jumped at my outburst. He knew how profanity was with me: I didn't do it, period. We'd been held together in a prison and tortured and I hadn't sworn. He knew something was up. He gently grabbed my shoulder and turned me around, "Jess, are you okay? What's a Code B?"

I let out something dangerously close to a whimper, "It stands for bitch. It's how my sister and I let each other know that our mom was on the way. We started it when we were little and it stuck. The level is how angry she is. We've never gone above an 8 before. Shit, I can't see her right now!"

He pulled me down into a hug, "Jess, you're going to be fine. Calm down. She's just your mom."

He had no idea but that didn't matter. For a wonderful moment I just melted there and let him make me feel better. Then, of course, I realized—_really_ realized—that my mom was coming to that hospital. She was coming to Lake's room. She was condescending to not only go on a military base but into a military building. She was going to see me in the presence of a serviceman. A serviceman with what was pretty much a mohawk. If she was already a level 12, there was no way I was letting her anywhere _near_ Lake.

He was never going to want to talk to me again after this incident, anyway, I was figuring. I didn't need her personally insulting him, too.

I suddenly heard the ding of an elevator and I just knew. That was her. I sat up quickly and looked at Lake pleadingly, "Please, _please_, act like you're asleep. I'm going to keep her in the hall, or at least the doorway, but please just pretend to be asleep." He made to protest but I cut him off, "I know you don't like it and I know why but I'm begging you, just do it…for me?"

A dangerous glare was on his face but he gave a short nod. I don't think he trusted himself not to yell at me.

Relief flooding through me, I went to kiss him quickly on the cheek but got him full on the mouth on accident. I froze momentarily, becoming lost in his surprised stare until I heard footsteps. Breathless suddenly, I whispered, "Thank you."

I reached for my crutches and slipped off the bed. I reached the door just as she did.

My mother had not changed in any way in the year I'd been gone. She was still a greying blonde, short like me, and had a presence that loomed over any room she entered like a menacing plague of locus. Her look of pure and unbridled rage at her surroundings did not help my courage.

Unsurprisingly, standing up to our mom was always Arianna's forte. She yelled and screamed and held her own. I swallowed my tears and my mother's always hateful words with a "thank you" and ran away to a different continent. I hadn't seen or spoken to my mother in a full year. I'd been in Africa for ten months but I'd banned her from my life before I left. Ignoring her phone calls was as defiant as I'd ever been.

The last time I'd seen her was when I'd broken off my engagement and a large chunk of my heart. I doubted she'd forgotten that fact; she'd been the one to set us up. I don't know who had been more miserable: her or me.

I looked up to meet her gaze only to find it resting suspiciously and lividly over my shoulder. Lake was doing as I asked but the mohawk and Navy tattoo on his right shoulder, and black flowing design on his left were impossible to ignore for her. Courage for myself had never been something I was good at summoning, but I had levels of it hovering near insanity when it came to protecting Lake. My body tensed and my eyes narrowed and I stared fearlessly into her face, "Hello mother. What are you doing here?"

Attention immediately diverted, her piercing gaze shot back to me, "Taking you home…_now!_"

I had vowed to keep my calm as long as possible during her visit. It struck me just how much I had changed when I immediately wanted to yell at her. I'd never had the metaphorical balls to do that before. I had to force myself to keep a level voice, "Mother, I am 24 years old. You lost the right to scold me and take me home years ago."

Her confidence staggered for a moment but, the thing with my mother was, every time she got knocked down she jumped back up with three times the force. The multiple almost Supreme Court cases triggered that, I imagined. "I don't care, Jessicka. I am not having my daughter—my _blood_—seen in an institution like this! We're leaving."

"No, _you_ are leaving, mother. You're starting to disturb men who need rest. I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

Looking from me to Lake over my shoulder, she suddenly began laughing hysterically like she'd just heard the best joke ever. "Really, Jessicka? Really? Some pathetic soldier who is too stupid to make his living doing anything but pulling the trigger at some helpless civilian in another country did something nice to you and you've decided to protect these military sheep? That's what this defiance is, isn't it?"

She reached out a hand and harshly grabbed my cheek, "Or is this about David? You let him get away and you're seeing how pathetic the rest of the male population is since you left for Africa. I can't say I blame you, Jessicka, but there's still time to get him back. I can call him up and he'll propose to you again. Despite your…homeliness and some character flaws, you're quite a catch. You'd make a wonderful…cook. And you've always been too big to have problems being pregnant."

Fighting back tears at just how pathetic she thought me, I shoved her hand off, "This is not fucking about David, mom. Leave! I know it's killing you to be here without a protest sign, so just get out."

The hilarity of my predicament hadn't run its course, though. She just cackled. "Some dumb grunt helps you up when you get hurt and you immediately fall head over heels? Sweetie, it doesn't matter how much you think you love him—no one wants you. You're a failure, honey. You can't get a job; you don't have any friends and never have; and you don't have the gumption to properly love anybody. Plus, look at you. You look horrible. That's why you need to come home with me."

Tears streaming down my face now, I dropped my crutches and shoved her away from me, "Go away." My voice sounded pathetic even to my ears. I sounded four.

As it always did, her demeanor changed in a moment. Her eyes narrowed and she grabbed my wrists forcefully. She shouted, "My daughter is not staying in this government funded murderers' den! Now you're coming with me or I'm never speaking to you again. Get your things and tell your pathetic excuse for a man in there just how much of a failure at life he for resorting to this profession and that you're never seeing him again!"

The direct insult at Lake flicked a switch inside me. I saw red. I knew this feeling; I'd had it when we were captured. Now, I was angrier than then. Sadick had at least acknowledged that Lake was worth something. He had beaten and tortured Lake for what he stood for and how strong he was. I was not standing for this blatant disrespect of him because she didn't agree with his career choice. She was _wrong_!

It was a good thing I'd already lost my crutches. She would have found one flying into her head had I not.

My fists clenched for a second right before my right one flew into her face. As she reeled I screamed at her, "Shut the fuck up and get out! I am not pathetic and he is not a failure. You demean the people who keep you free for a living, you pathetic fucking bitch! The only thing you failed at worse than doing anything decent in this world was being a mother. So for once in your horrible life, leave a person better than you alone! He saved my life and all you have ever done is ruin it."

She stared at me, open-mouthed. My eyes narrowed more, "Don't just fucking stand there! Get out! NOW!"

When she still didn't move, I didn't trust myself not to hit her again. Before I had the chance, however, I was grabbed from behind by a strong pair of arms. My mom was descended upon by shocked corpsmen who forced her bodily to leave. She was screaming about my failure as a daughter and person when they shoved her into the elevator. The last thing I heard was her scream, "I'm never speaking to you again! Your inheritance is gone you traitorous brat!"

"GOOD, you horrible hag, I don't want it!" I screeched back.

I was turned and pressed against a firm chest before she could reply to that. I wrapped my arms around Lake's middle and just sobbed. It was funny how my mom always seemed to have that effect upon me. I felt him kiss the top of my head and then deeply sigh. He had the habit of doing that when I was crying and he couldn't make it better. It occurred to me that it was sad I'd cried on him enough to realize that little tidbit.

I could hear the corpsmen twittering in the background, no doubt having never seen such a display in their lives. They were nothing more than a fly buzzing by, however. I was far too miserable to really care about having an audience. Lake's head shifted slightly and within a moment he'd physically picked me up and slammed the door shut with his foot as he carried me back to our bed.

He moved the rolling table the laptop was on with his hip before carefully sitting down so he rested against the pillows and I rested against his chest. It took a while but the warmth of being in his arms dried my tears. I looked up at him while I wiped my eyes.

A deep sympathy and concern was in his green eyes. In fact, it almost exceeded concern…

Suddenly, he smiled his ornery grin, "You know, Jess, I think I've been a bad influence on you."

Sniffing a bit, I returned his smile, "Why's that?"

"You swear too fucking well for not doing it in two years."

I let out a watery giggle and tried to think of some retort but the door burst open before I could. Arianna stood in the doorway looking angry and flustered. Doc was right behind her dressed in civilian clothes with a helmet under his arm. Apparently my sister had gotten there so fast because Doc had given her a ride there on his Indian motorcycle. I'd seen it during my physical therapy one day that it wasn't raining. I got the feeling the blue motorcycle was his baby.

It suddenly struck me why Arianna looked angry. While I broke down sobbing in a distinct way when I saw my mom, she got a look on her face that would strike fear into the heart of Col. Sadick. She was downright scary when riled up, probably why our mom tended to pick on my life.

Her anger only intensified when she saw my red, puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks. "I will kill that bitch! I don't care if she's family; I'm going to kill her!"

She turned around to go after our mom so fast she ran right into Doc. I had to commend him for his courage because despite the livid expression I knew she was sending him, he grabbed her shoulders and wouldn't let go.

He looked at her, still very confused it seemed, "Arianna, who was that woman that screamed at you?"

My sister suddenly sagged against him, resting her forehead on his shoulder and not responding. I replied for her. "Doc, that's our mom. She's a bit…moody." His look of shock showed that my attempt at humor had failed.

Sighing and pulling my hair back, I proceeded in getting comfortable without really thinking. When I was done, I found both Lake's arms around me and myself leaning back against his chest so we could both see my sister sitting on the end of the bed and Doc in a chair next to her. "Ari, when did she find you?"

"As she was storming out of the building. She saw me get off Danny's bike and she just kind of froze. She started screaming about what disappointments we were as daughters, but worse than the usual. Then she got in her car and sped off. I don't think I've ever seen her that angry in my life. She was bad when she called me this morning to say she was here but she was ten times worse."

I was about to make a snide comment about that but Doc waved us both into silence. "So, is your mom Astrid Francis?" The way he said it made her name sound like a curse. Every serviceman and military family member I'd ever met said it the exact same way.

Arianna and I both nodded but she picked up the reins, "Yeah, she is, Danny."

"She's _the_ Astrid Francis. The one who's led protests against as many funerals as she can find and has been almost taken to the Supreme Court after being sued in ten states for her protests. That Astrid Francis?"

Arianna nodded, her grey eyes beginning to mist, "Yes. That's her. We…" she sent a pained look my way that I returned, "We don't claim her very often."

"Well," Lake shrugged, lightening the mood for me, "that explains why you didn't want her to come see you. This explains so much." His last comment was laced with humor. He was calling me weird again.

I smiled, "Shut up."

Now that our 'secret' was out and Lake and Doc hadn't disowned us, Arianna's attention went back to the reason she'd rushed in: our psychotic mother's treatment of me. "She was beyond pissed. What'd you do to her, Sicka?"

I paused, not sure how to respond. Lake replied for me with clear pride, "She fucking punched her in the face like a champ. Jess, that's the first time I've heard the word hag used in a way that actually scared me."

My sister physically fell of the bed. She let out a screech of surprise right before Doc caught her on the way down. She looked at me like I had grown two heads. I tried to hide my ashamed sob with a laugh, "Thanks for the confidence, Ari."

Her face contracted into a bewildered frown. Her voice was barely above a whisper when she asked, "What happened to you over there? What made you change?"

Doc and Lake looked at her with surprise, and not just because the change in her demeanor. I knew what she was talking about though. Lake was the one to voice their question, "What's she talking about, Jess?"

"I'm talking about her _never_ standing up to that vicious woman! Jessicka, you have never once in your life done anything she didn't want you to. She's been telling you how worthless you are for twenty years and all you ever do is suck it up and walk away without a word! Going to Africa is the only defiant thing you've ever done. You didn't even complain when she tried to shove David back in your lap after what happened! What…happened to you?"

I shrugged, fighting back mental imagery, "Being tortured makes you want to take your life back, I guess."

Doc grabbed her securely around the waist so she wouldn't fall again when she physically jolted. Her mouth opened but the actual sound didn't come out when she mouthed, "Tortured?"

Snorting bitterly, I nodded, "Yes, it took getting tortured to make me stand up to my mother. I am that cool."

"But tortured…? They just said you had been injured."

I snapped at her, not wanting to go through Lake and I's Nigerian vacation to Sadick Resort again, "Well they weren't wrong. Yes, I was tortured, Ari. Multiple times in fact. I was tortured and I was almost raped, not to mention the infinite times I was fucking shot at! I'd say that's a good enough reason to never let myself be roped into going to another protest ever again or to get engaged to an asshole!"

Before I could continue in my rant, Arianna had risen and wrapped her arms around me. She squeezed my shoulder painfully but once I heard her start to cry, I ignored it.

"I didn't know! I'm so sorry, Jessicka. If I'd known I would've left you alone about it. I'm so sorry!"

Finally, I managed to cut her off soothingly, "Arianna, it's fine. I promise. I shouldn't have yelled at you."

However, she laughed when she pulled away, "Hey, I'm not complaining. You're on a roll today with the sticking up for yourself. I'm not going to interrupt. Just…try to not die."

With us sisters okay again, Lake seemed ready to ask something. He was frowning and I could tell there was something big on his mind. Before he had the chance, however, Lieutenant Waters, Red, and a recuperating Zee came in. Lake visibly brightened, though he glared when Red sent him a look about my sitting in his lap. Smiling, I slid to sit on the end of the bed, instead.

The seven of us sat around talking and joking the rest of the afternoon. I found that Waters wasn't nearly as scary when he wasn't thinking you were a spy. He was still a little intimidating but he was a nice guy, especially when he talked about Lena. I had been worried about the woman who was someone I considered a friend. Waters and Zee were the mature ones of the group. Red and Doc were still hilarious and Lake was the dry, sarcastic humor.

I wasn't sure if it was the addition of Arianna and me, or the subtraction of their friends that made them hesitant at first, but I noticed. However, I think that eventually they were glad to have us there, too. We helped cover up the holes Flea, Silk, and Slo made. Aside from that, the afternoon felt amazingly, beautifully normal.

I knew that grief and shock of what I'd been through was supposed to take much longer to get over than about a week but the company I was in was worth more than ten shrinks. I wasn't back to normal but normal was different now. Normal now included a paranoid fear of cold water and nightmares. I didn't need to be normal; I needed to be happy and I was.

I didn't know how I was ever going to leave.

* * *

Doc and Arianna left with each other that night again before supper. She liked his company. I could tell it was in a more prevalent way than just being polite. She genuinely liked being around Doc. She was sociable but usually her friendships with guys were awkward—she denied it but I blamed it on how they could do nothing but stare at her. Doc seemed different, though.

I came out of Lake's bathroom brushing my hair after a scalding hot, five minute, post-supper shower to find him looking pensively out into space. Smiling, I shoved his legs to a side of the bed as I sat and leaned against the footboard, "Hey, you fixing the theory of relativity or taking a much-needed vacation from my personal issues?"

His smile was forced when he replied, "Your personal issues _are_ my vacation, Jess."

I frowned. Lake was a quiet guy but he was an honest one. He wasn't a beat-around-the-bush kind either. Something was bugging him. "You need more leave time then," I smiled. I hardly got a smirk in response. Immediately, my thoughts jumped to anything I could have possibly done to anger him.

Let's see, just today there was a whole list: my mother, my making him pretend to be asleep, my mother insulting him, my incessant sobbing on him, my pathetic nature, my mother... Then it hit me what must have been wrong. With all the excitement and emotional roller coaster rides, I had nearly let it slip from my mind.

I had all but properly kissed him that morning. It was accidental, short-lived, and not quite centered but I'd kissed him all the same. I suddenly felt very awkward. That had never happened before when it came to Lake…

I was desperately grasping for something—_anything_—to say and failing quite profoundly when he broke the silence. "Jess…who is David?"

For a split second, I was relieved. The word kiss hadn't come out of his mouth. That relief was even more short-lived than our kiss. I swallowed nervously, wondering how to begin. David was a touchy subject to begin with but discussing him with Lake was far worse.

Lake's face was impassive. He was in full-on soldier mode. The only way to get him out of it again would be to tell him the truth and do it rather quickly. Talking about David hurt, but I hated it when Lake was unhappy far more. After a deep breath, I began.

"All right, first of all there's one thing you need to understand, Kelly. When I was growing up, my mom wasn't the type to hug you and tell you what a great kid you were. She was mean and cold and being a teacher was never good enough no matter how much I loved it. The only people I ever felt that loved me were Arianna and my grandparents. She hates anything and everything having to do with the military. My grandpa is a retired Marine and all the time she spent moving around when she was younger and the time she spent without him, she blames the entire military for. Her life goal is to become the first female president and to demilitarize the nation."

I waited for him to give me the barest nod. The look on his face was part anger at my mother and part confusion at why this mattered in who David was. I wished that the two had nothing to do with each other myself.

"David was my fiancé for a while." Despite the sharp intake of breath I heard, I continued without looking at him. "My mom introduced us. My dad is quiet and obliging and comes from money; perfect for my mom. She thought David was a 'good choice' for me because his family is rich too and has government connections. At first, I just wanted her to be quiet. That's how I always got through. I stayed quiet, played along, and eventually she left me alone. We went out a few times and he ended up being nice. He was kind of dumb but I figured I was just being too superior." Lake snorted at that. Apparently the thought of me being conceited was far-fetched to him.

"After six months he proposed to me. At the time, I was head-over-heels in love with him. He told me I was beautiful and that he loved me, all that jazz. It was all the time, too. It was a complete difference from what I'd always gotten from my mom. It felt nice to be wanted. Then, a few months before I left for Nigeria, I left him. He was a jerk and I didn't want to marry that."

I should have known I wouldn't be allowed to leave it at that.

Lake had crossed his arms over his chest. I honestly wasn't sure what he was feeling. He didn't seem angry at me per se. Yet, there was a tension in the way he sat and the way he talked that made me nervous. "Why? What did he do?"

Any worries about what Lake thought fled as I sighed and stared diligently at the blanket. "He tried to sleep with my sister."

"WHAT THE FUCK?" I didn't need to look up to picture Lake's livid face.

"He tried to sleep with my sister. Arianna's always been prettier than me and when he hit on her he told her as much. She punched him in the face and immediately told me. Like the pathetic person I am, I was completely heartbroken. I threw his ring at him and made him get out of Arianna and I's house. About an hour later, after I made my sister leave for class, our mom came over. As stupid as it was of me, I had the vague hope that she was coming to comfort me because Arianna had left."

"As it turned out she came and yelled at me. She said I was being a baby. What right did I have to police what he did like that? Why shouldn't he explore his options? We weren't married yet. When I said there was no way I was taking him back, she blew up on me. Apparently, she'd promised him money to marry me. For marrying me and getting her his connections in the government, he was getting a hundred thousand dollar wedding present. He'd been cheating on me the whole time and she knew it and she somehow blamed me. She kept on arranging for David and I to run into each other after that but I'd already signed up to teach in Nigeria. I figured that I was going to be halfway across the world for a year, I could manage to avoid her for a few months."

I sighed and finally looked up at him, only to find expressionless green eyes looking back at me, "And so, you now know the pathetic story of why I ran across an ocean to escape my psychotic mother and bastard ex-fiancé."

"He's why you said you don't date anymore."

I looked straight at him, trying with all my might to make him truly look me in the eye because I wasn't sure I would have the courage to say it twice, "_Didn't_. I've found a man since that gives me hope, I think."

He physically jolted in surprise at my tone. I think I was seeing genuine shock for the first time on his face. Suddenly, an exultant smirk appeared and the shock turned into the intense gaze that gave me butterflies. When my stupid blush rose in my cheeks, I looked down, embarrassed all of a sudden.

I couldn't believe I'd said that. I had all but spelled out I was in love with the guy! That was kinda the point but…

The fluttery feeling overtook my embarrassment and I snuck a look at Lake. His grin had grown and as soon as I looked up, he reached out a hand and grabbed my right and uninjured arm. I didn't resist or even think as he gently pulled me toward him; I was too lost in those green eyes. He stopped when we were mere inches apart. I could feel his slightly ragged breathing beneath my hands and his hand slowly work its way through my hair above my ear. My eyes closed of their own accord, relishing his touch and his gaze.

He apparently took that as a good sign because next thing I knew his lips pressed gently against mine. All the butterflies in my stomach exploded into fireworks. Before I realized they'd moved, my hands were running through his mohawk and I was kissing back like I'd never been shy in the first place.

"This is a bad time, huh?"

Lake and I jolted apart as Lieutenant Waters' voice hit our ears. My face was feverish with a blush before I even turned to see him standing in the doorway with a knowing smirk on his face, Red, Doc, _and_ Zee grinning like idiots behind him. Pulling his hand back from where it held the back of my head, Lake groaned with closed eyes, "Fucking wonderful…"

I looked from Lake to his comrades, completely mortified. My mouth opened and closed a few times. With no witty remark, comeback, or comment of any kind, I simply told the truth as I scrambled down to the floor and grabbed my crutches. Having to clear my throat a few times to make any sound come out, I finally said, "I'm really embarrassed now, so I'm going to leave."

The laughter started with Red and quickly spread to the others where they blocked my escape route. My blush only deepened as I glanced back to Lake. He didn't look particularly happy about being interrupted and, to tell the truth, looked embarrassed also. However, as even his commanding officer burst into laughter, he had to crack a smile at me. His expression clearly apologized for his friends. I couldn't stop blushing but I couldn't keep from laughing, either.

Settling my crutches in a comfortable place, I stated, "I'll see you guys later. I haven't bugged Steve on night shift for a few days."

"Good," Waters commented, "we were going to have to kick you out anyway. I also have a letter for you. I believe it's from Ngozi."

Smiling at getting word from my student and having an even better excuse to leave, I took the envelope, "Excellent, I'll just leave before I see what new shade of scarlet my face can reach."

I turned toward the door, leaving Lake with a final smile. Before I'd swung myself forward a step his hand on my arm stopped me. Confused, I turned toward him but it was soon replaced when he stood and pulled me into a fierce kiss that made my breath catch and my heart stop. My eyes were still closed when he pulled away. I swayed dangerously for a second, held upright only by his hands on my upper arms, until I had my bearings.

My eyes fluttered open to find Lake smirking triumphantly before me. Suddenly laughing, I shoved him back to sit on the bed, "That _wasn't_ nice, Kelly."

He just sat there and continued grinning like a kindergartener who had just stolen a cookie. Shaking my head, I kept laughing, "Dammit, Kelly." I grabbed the front of his hoodie and pulled him up to kiss me again. I pulled away a second later and shoved him back down again, leaving him satisfyingly dazed.

For a long moment, everyone in the room was frozen except for me. Then all of a sudden, Doc and Red gave ecstatic cheers of triumph as all their whispering had finally come to fruition. Waters and Zee had small smiles on their faces, as if seeing the always stoic Lake dazed like a teenager was a wonderful amusement. Those two moved to let me pass but Red and Doc were still far too proud of themselves to give me a little time to stop blushing.

Glaring at them, I threatened in my teacher voice, "Guys…"

They exchanged an amused look. Doc spoke first, practically giggling at this point, "You should see your face."

My eyes narrowed as I smirked, "I wonder what your face looks like when my sister climbs onto your bike. And when she does that little hair flip she can't help when she likes a guy." His smug grin disappeared and was replaced with a dreamy look he couldn't hide fast enough. He stepped to the side with a smile of resignation, apparently preparing himself for some serious teasing. "That's what I thought."

Red remained leaning against the doorframe. He was looking toward Lake and commented casually, "I told ya she was your woman."

I heard Lake snort, "Fuck you, Red."

Really just wanting to leave the embarrassment that I'd made worse, I huffed in exasperation, "Yes, Red, and now Lake's woman wants to leave. Move your Southern ass." I liked the sound of me being Lake's woman.

He chuckled, "You fell back into swearing pretty easily, babe."

"I've got two years to make up for and you're ornery, now let me leave," I laughed with annoyance. He continued smirking at me. "Don't make me move you, Red," I threatened to the amusement of all. Clumsiness was natural with me but I'd been getting pretty good with those crutches. Setting them back about a foot behind my feet, I swung up and kicked him lightly in the stomach with both my bare feet. He staggered back out of the doorway more from surprise than force. "Thank you."

With that, I sprinted as fast as I could out of the room on those crutches. I could hear the ribbing Lake was getting all the way down the hall. I had to smile. He deserved it that little bugger. He kissed me like that in front of everyone just because he could. Public displays of affection had never been a particularly comfortable thing with me but if Lake kept this up I wouldn't have the capacity to ever really care.

He was an amazing kisser. My stomach never stopped doing back flips and my eyes closed of their own accord as soon as his lips touched mine. My hands had never been that unconsciously active before, either. My entire body had never reacted like that to someone's kiss before. It made me tingly all over and I never wanted the feeling to go away. I suddenly wondered if he was that breathtaking in bed, too, and my cheeks felt like I'd just scalded them. I'd had sex before and I suddenly couldn't get visions of Lake in that situation out of my head. Thank goodness I'd left when I did.

I sat down in the waiting room with a greeting to the corpsman at the desk and began reading my letter, a much needed subject change. Ngozi's large but neat handwriting told me all about his new life. He was sad about his daddy dying but he, his mommy, and his sister were taking it one day at a time. His daddy wouldn't have wanted them to be sad forever. It had been almost two weeks since our great adventure. They had an apartment in Cameroon's capital city. His mommy worked as a nurse in a place for older people. He couldn't wait to start school in the fall with his sister. He secretly confided in me that he felt he was much smarter than her thanks to me. He hoped I was feeling better. The soldiers had told him that I was injured as they made their way to the Cameroon border. He had been very worried about me. I was his favorite teacher and he didn't want me to be hurt. He asked how our soldier with the mohawk was. He had liked him. In Ngozi's fashion, he asked a million questions that all made me smile. He proudly wrote his address at the end of the letter, asking that I write him back soon to let him know I was all right.

Tears that I hadn't felt until I stopped reading were running down my face. I was so happy that he was all right. Though my students' deaths revisited me every night in my nightmares that the corpsmen attributed to expected post-traumatic stress, saving Ngozi made the grief lift. As I had looked back at my fight for my life, I had realized that there was truly nothing I could have done for them except die with them. It didn't necessarily make me feel better but it made my debilitating guilt stop. I choked up when I thought of them but I knew that their deaths weren't my fault. Saving Ngozi was what made me feel better. I had saved one of them. I hadn't been a complete coward and it made the entire ordeal easier to cope with.

Doc and Red had helped me a lot with my feelings before Lake had woken up on the ship. I had been so distraught thinking that I had not only failed all of my students but also Lake since he was hanging so close to death. Somehow they had talked me back from the ledge of despair I was trying with all my might to jump off of. Slo's words back in the forest helped, too.

Now, I was just ecstatic that Ngozi was all right. For the first time since Nigeria's coup had taken place, I was crying tears of joy. For some reason, they were a turning point in my mind. I was going to be all right. I could stop being unconsciously preoccupied with Nigeria and could instead deal with the onslaught of feelings concerning Lake. For that beautiful moment, everything was happy.

It had been nearly an hour—I had watched a little news on the television, too—so I figured it was safe to go back to the room. I wanted to get some paper so I could write Ngozi back. A smile lit my face as I made my way.

I was surprised to find that all the laughter from Lake's room had stopped. In fact, it was silent from where I stood in the hall for a moment. The door was closed. I frowned, wondering if I should still go in. Perhaps they were talking about secret mission stuff. I thought that until I heard my own recorded voice come faintly from the room. I was paralyzed as I listened to my own words.

"_I am disinclined to agree to the digital chronicling of any imposed regression of my intelligence." _

Sadick's voice screamed in the same terrifyingly cruel way I remembered in my nightmares, "_YOU WILL MAKE THE VIDEO!"_

I heard my own screams and struggling before laughter that followed a splash and my thrashing in the water. I remembered every moment of what they were watching in there. The piercing pain of the icy water and my fear crashed down upon my happiness, crushing it into dust. I felt the hands again. My back sliced with pain. Sadick's merciless smirk appeared before my eyes and I began whimpering in fear.

I was no longer in Norfolk Naval Hospital. I was in hell in Nigeria and I was scared out of my mind.

The sobs erupted from my throat as I began convulsing in shivers from cold that wasn't really there. My crutches fell with a clatter as I collapsed to the floor, burying my face and tears in my arms. I heard my scream as I resurfaced after they cut my back. I huddled there shaking, trying with all my might to quiet my sobs—there was no point in trying to make them stop. With every splash, scream, and bout of cruel laughter I heard from inside the room, I relived it silently in the hallway. My sense of time was gone as I just sat there in a heap.

I was still fighting for air who knew how long later when I heard my next scream. Pain flared up in my shoulder as I heard Sadick tell me to make the video and myself refuse. I heard my agonized screams form into no after no before they hauled me back to Lake. I suddenly didn't want to hear anymore.

"Stop! Stop it!" I cried out with a sob, my words echoing loudly down the hallway. "Make it stop!" I pleaded once more.

The video was immediately silenced and all I could hear were my wavering sobs. Then all of a sudden, I heard feet. Steve, the corpsman was running down the hall toward me. He slid to a kneeling stop next to me just as Lake's door opened. I heard him calling my name distantly but all that filled my ears was that laughter and the rush of water as I couldn't breathe. I buried my face deeper in my shaking arms, willing it all to just go away.

I wanted Lake! He would make it go away.

A hand suddenly touched my shoulder and I screamed, "NO!" and scampered back toward the wall, looking at the baffled corpsman with wide, fearful eyes. He retracted his hand slowly and I hid my face again. My voice shaking like a leaf, I cried out pitifully, "Lake, make it stop!"

I felt someone kneel before me and I knew it was Lake by instinct. I knew how he moved. I knew the guilt-filled sigh that signified he was holding back tears. My body didn't recoil when his hand cupped my face and his thumb began gently stroking my cheek. His other pushed the hair from my face when I ventured to look up at him with my watery eyes. I looked at his green ones and nothing else.

"Jess, it's okay. I promise you're not back there. Jess, you're safe."

As soon as his arms wrapped around me I believed him. I clung to him as my arms found their way around his neck. I was _never_ letting go. Slipping his arm behind my knees, Lake picked me up and turned toward his room. There was the beginning of a protest at the exertion on Lake's part from the corpsman but it was struck dead when all five SEALs turned to glare at him. Before I buried my sobs in Lake's neck, I saw Doc and Waters bend over to retrieve my crutches and letter.

Taking in my shivering form, Zee handed Lake the blanket from the end of the bed as he sat us down. Lake had to fight to unlock my arms from his neck but he was unsurprisingly stronger than me. He wrapped me in the blanket and tried to lay me down on the pillow. As soon as he moved away, breaking my heart a little, I sat up and hugged my knees to my chest despite the pain it caused everywhere—my shoulder, my knee, my back. My eyes darted fearfully around the room until they landed on the paused video on Lake's laptop. I froze, seeing just how horrible I had looked for the first time. I hardly looked human. I whimpered.

Doc, who was the closest, immediately shut the lid.

Despite my darting eyes, I refused to look at anyone, not wanting to see them see me break down. That was why I didn't see what Lake was doing as his absence broke my spirit even more. A moment later, I felt him sit down behind me. He wrapped both arms around me and had his legs on either side. He'd taken his sweatshirt and tank off so I would get as much of his body heat as possible. Letting out a wavering breath, I melted back into him, finding my place tucked underneath his chin and leaning on his gloriously warm shoulder.

He pressed a firm kiss to my temple, "You're okay, Jess."

When I had my sobbing halfway under control again, I managed something vaguely resembling a smile, "I told you I wasn't raped."

Red let out a deep breath that I think they had all been holding with a shake of his head, "Ya got pretty damned close, babe. The water was cold." It was more of a statement than question but I answered anyway.

"Fucking freezing," I replied quietly. Silence descended again as they all grabbed their previous chairs and got comfortable. I wasn't sure what they were expecting but apparently they weren't ready to leave yet. In an intangible way, I was glad for it.

"Where did you get this? Why are you watching me be tortured," I finally questioned. Lake's embrace tightened at the word. Letting out a small sigh, I snuggled closer into him. He was my life raft full of warmth, safety, and something at least greatly resembling love. Being in his arms made me feel better.

Waters was the one to answer my question. "American intelligence picked it up. Sadick had it sent out to all of Yakubu's officers. It was supposed to be a morale booster."

"But why do _you_ have it?"

"Captain Rhodes sent it to me. He said it was for Lake since you wouldn't tell him what had happened…to give his imagination a rest."

Frowning, I muttered, "Yeah, _now_ do you see why I didn't say? What good does you seeing this do?"

Lake's voice was ice when he replied, "Because now I won't feel guilty when I kill the bastard." His seriousness almost scared me.

"You held on like hell, though, Jessicka," Zee offered, breaking the tense silence following Lake's declaration. "All this and then managing to escape… You did better than plenty of SEALs I've seen in training." The others nodded and murmured their agreement.

I, however, snorted sarcastically, "Yes and just like a SEAL would, I now cannot drink cold water or probably ever swim again. I was fucking wonderful. How long is this thing, anyway?" I hadn't had a sense of time when it had happened. I took everything second by second. Lake had been the only long-term thing in my mind.

"Four hours," Waters answered with what almost sounded like reverence. "We fast-forwarded some."

Closing my eyes and leaning back into Lake more, suddenly tired from all my crying, I stated, "Doc, none of this gets back to my sister, please. She doesn't need to know." He nodded in agreement that Red translated into words for me.

Lake sighed, "What is it with you and trying to downplay and hide everything that happens to you from the people who love you?"

"Says the man who told his parents he'd only been grazed in the side and had a slight concussion." I had him there and we both knew it.

It took me a long second to realize that he had included himself in that group of people who loved me… I pulled back slightly and looked up at him. The intensity of his gaze told me that I hadn't imagined it. As comprehension crossed my face, a small smirk crossed his.

"So what did ya two do after all this?" Red queried, ending the moment. I looked toward the assembled group, all now very interested. I wasn't sure why they hadn't heard yet.

I glanced up to Lake, indicating he should explain the next parts, given that he'd be better at it. Tightening his grip on my shoulders slightly, he began telling the tale of his reconnaissance, our run, me killing the rebel, and then our car ride with far more technical terms than I understood. It wasn't until he got to the part about radioing the ship that he paused, "I was out after that. The rest is yours, Jess. I haven't been told myself, actually. What did happen after I was out?"

Sighing, I shrugged, "Well, _Iron Man_, after you screamed yourself into unconsciousness, I was on the radio with Rhodes for a bit. He told me that they were coming to get us in a helicopter on a hill. During our talk, a couple of trucks came up behind us and started shooting. The windshield ended up gone and I dropped the radio. I pretty much just floored it the rest of the way, trying to keep ahead. We had to get to the top of the hill and when we came to it..," I felt myself blush with embarrassment before looking toward the still silent Doc. "Well, I decided to jump the ditch with the truck. We ended up halfway up the hill, but the steering wheel wasn't kind to my thighs. I think that's where this whole ACL and fractured femurs thing came from. The rebels weren't far behind, so I just hauled you out of the truck and started dragging you up. May I add, that you Kelly Lake, need to lose some weight."

He grinned at me, green eyes shining, as his teammates laughed. Smiling back, I concluded after a yawn, I was getting sleepy, "My knees kept giving out so we rolled down a couple of times but somehow we made it up there and the helicopter guys picked us up."

"No, Jess," Lake corrected, "We didn't make it up there. _You_ made it up there. That was all you."

Smiling, LT conceded, "Not bad for a teacher. Not bad at all."

Doc, speaking for the first time, backtracked in the conversation, "Why'd you finally agree then, Jessicka?"

My head snapped in his direction, drowsiness protesting to the movement, "Huh?"

"What made you make the video?"

Yawning, I closed my eyes once again, "They were going to kill Lake. You were hurt; I needed to make them leave you alone. That was the whole point. But none of it was going to do any good if Sadick shot you in the head. I had to try and save somebody…"

I remembered only mumbling after that as I drifted off to sleep in the arms of Kelly Lake who somehow loved me.


	11. XI

"You won't wake her up."

I heard Lake's voice beneath my ear and was too groggy and comfortable to wake up completely and inform him otherwise. My sister's was the next voice I heard, though it was abnormally hesitant. "Oh, I know. She sleeps like the dead. So…Danny told me some stuff last night…"

Oh, I was going to kill Doc when I saw him. She wasn't supposed to find out about that stupid video they were watching. I specifically asked him _not_ to tell her!

"…about you and my sister."

Never mind.

I felt Lake chuckle, "You're giving me the talk, aren't you?"

She returned the laugh, "I'm the only one here to give it, you know. So, what's going on with you and Jessicka?"

"She's an amazing woman and I want to be with her. I…kinda love her."

The gentler tone my sister took on showed even she realized that was a big thing for him to say. "You two…you two went through more than I know about over there, didn't you?"

Lake nodded, "Yeah, a lot more. But that's not why I like her so much… You learn a lot about a person after living in the same bed as them for two weeks."

Arianna laughed, "I'd imagine. So, you know the drill. You hurt her, I find some way to kill you painfully, all that jazz."

"Yes, ma'am. Speaking of, what's going on with you and Doc?" I could hear my sister gulp from there. Lake laughed, "He's our friend. Just don't mess with his heart; he's got a bigger one than most people."

Letting out a breath, my sister laughed, "How'd you get this job?"

Lake shrugged, "They think I'm the most intimidating, I guess. So how long are you sticking around? I know Jess wants you to be around for a while." I was touched that Lake was making such an effort to talk and socialize with my little sister for me.

"I'm here as long as she is. I explained the situation to my employers and they said to take as much time as I needed. So, it's whenever she's better or Danny decides to kick me off his couch. How is she, anyway? She's never actually voiced it but she does the protective older sister part well. I'm pretty sure that's why she never fought our mom on anything. If mom was busy with her, she'd leave me alone… Anyway, she never tells me anything when things are bothering her."

"Tell me about it," Lake said with a decided eye roll in his tone. "She has nightmares but that's not uncommon. I've had them for years. I think she's okay, though."

"Did she, umm," Arianna sounded hesitant again, like she wasn't sure if she should be the one telling him this, "did she tell you about _him_?"

Lake's embrace tightened around me as he nodded, "Yeah, she told me about David and your mom."

My sister sighed, "She probably tried to brush it off but he broke her heart; I mean, completely shattered it. I don't know how much she actually loved him as much as loved being loved but she shut down on me. I didn't think she was ever going to let the possibility of a guy in again. She scares easy and usually runs when she is, so just…be careful with her, Lake."

He nodded, "I know."

Arianna's voice was comfortable again when she asked, "So, have you ever read _Lord of the Rings_?"

"No," Lake answered with confusion.

It sounded like she got up and I heard some rummaging in my bag. I could hear the mischievous grin in her voice, "You might want to get on that. Ask her about her tattoo sometime." I assumed she handed my copy of my favorite book to Lake while he was in shock. I really hated her sometimes. She continued, "If I hear about you finding it anytime soon, I'll be coming to get you."

Before the wheels in his mind could begin working fully—he'd seen me without a shirt before, so that only left the bottom half of me—I blinked my eyes open, "Arianna, is that you I hear?"

She smiled, looking both pleased with herself and trapped, "Hey, did I wake you up?"

I smirked back sarcastically, "Yeah, the word tattoo when it's referring to me tends to get me up and initiate a very hasty subject change. What're you up to today?"

Chuckling behind me, Lake stretched his arms up and then crawled out of bed. He had no problem moving around now. He'd get sore and never mention it, but the only reason he had to stay was physical therapy and monitoring for more infection until his stitches came out. He was healing on pure will power. He grabbed some clean clothes that Red had brought him and strode toward the bathroom, "I'll leave you guys to it."

Smiling as well, my sister answered my question, "Oh, trying to intimidate your new boyfriend and whatnot. I also went to talk with your physical therapy people and see when they think you're cleared to leave-"

"But I don't want to leave. I'm not going back to Wisconsin!"

She smiled, "I was going to say cleared to leave the hospital. I don't want to leave yet, either. We're just going to have to find a place to stay. They said you can leave whenever you're ready."

I blushed, embarrassed at my outburst, "Oh…"

"I know Danny doesn't mind me sleeping on his couch but I seriously doubt there's room in his little apartment for the both of us and him. The poor guy won't want to see me anymore," Arianna joked.

Lake reentered at that point and surprised us both in saying, "Jess, you can stay at my place."

He finished pulling his black t-shirt over his head and ran a hand through his matted mohawk before seeing the slight shock on our faces. He frowned with a smile, "What? Doc's place is fucking tiny. He'd never say you couldn't stay but he'd be sleeping on the floor which would just make you feel guilty. You don't want to go anywhere near Red's place." I laughed at that. With his aversion to cleaning things, I'd believe it. He returned my smile, "I'm stuck here so just stay at my place. Red lives in the same building and can help you out with whatever. You can both stay there if you want, unless," he turned to smile at my sister, "you want to keep staying at Doc's."

Blushing, Arianna looked at me, "You're good with getting around and whatnot, right?"

Laughing slightly, I nodded, "I'm going to be here all the time anyway."

She looked back over my head at Lake, "Thanks, but I'll keep Danny's couch."

"I highly doubt he actually lets you stay on the couch, Arianna." Her blush said all it needed to before he looked back at me, "I promise it's not a big deal. I'm not home enough to make it messy."

I nodded with a smile, suddenly excited to see where he lived, "Okay. Thanks."

"Sure, Jess. Red can take you tonight." He pressed a kiss to the top of my head as he sat back down behind me.

"What are y'all making me do now?" Red walked in at that moment, smiling to Arianna who left for the bathroom, Lake and I before sitting down and propping his feet up on the bed. Grinning in his ornery way, he looked to me, "So babe, has Lake scared ya away yet? If he did, I'm here. We like to keep the good women in the team."

Lake glared at him and looked for something to chuck at him. His hand landed on my _Lord of the Rings_ but I quickly intercepted, "Hey, not the book!" I smiled back at Lake, "Play nicely." I received a smile in return.

Sighing melodramatically, I then turned to Red, "Oh honey, I think I got past the scared away part when he made me get on an airplane."

Red laughed at the memory of me screaming my head off as we departed the aircraft carrier, "True. I didn't think a sound like that could come from you."

Smiling, I went to make a response of some kind but Lake cut me off, "Wait, wait. Since when is he 'honey'?"

I shrugged, feeling suddenly self-conscious, "I felt bad for not returning the term of endearment. He calls me babe."

Smirking smugly, Red raised his eyebrows at Lake victoriously, "I've got a term of endearment."

"Well, what's my term of endearment?" Lake asked me, rather petulantly.

Smiling at a sudden idea, I turned and stole a quick but heavy kiss that made my butterflies spring into flight. "Kelly, that's your term of endearment." Lake grinned at me and chastely pressed his lips to mine again before flinging his ice cup at Red's unsuspecting head.

* * *

Slinging my duffle bag down off his shoulder and leading me into Lake's apartment, Red commented with a laugh, "Babe, I don't know what ya have done to him but Lake's around your little fucking finger."

I replied happily, "What can I say? The condition is mutual."

His face changed, becoming more of a somber, knowing smirk than glowing grin, "Oh after yesterday we all know that." I wasn't sure if he was referring to Lake and I making out in front of them, their improvised movie night, or both. "Hey, I'm in 315 if ya need anything. Lake's spare key is in his top dresser drawer; go ahead and take it. I'll come grab ya around seven-thirty to take ya to the hospital. Sorry it's early but we're starting training again tomorrow."

"It's fine. I'm a morning person…mostly. Thanks, honey."

He smiled at the endearment and gave me a friendly hug before leaving, "Good night, babe."

When the door closed behind him, I took a decent look at Lake's place for the first time. It was a bachelor's place; that was easy enough to discern. However, it wasn't messy, just like he said. There were dishes still by the sink and an empty bottle of Heineken on the small island. I guess he'd had to leave in a hurry to come to Nigeria. Given the team's line of work, that didn't really surprise me.

I went over and grabbed the bottle before searching for a trashcan of some kind. It felt odd going through his cabinets and kitchen drawers since he wasn't here. The kitchen was functional, not a baker's paradise. Its dark countertop and light wood cabinets were practical and got the job done. The little island that stood between the kitchen and living room probably served more as a bar than an island, I got the feeling.

I finally found the trash can in a cabinet by the fridge and threw the bottle into it. I opened the fridge and grabbed myself his orange juice. I couldn't have the beer with so many drugs in me and I had never really been much of a soda person to take the Coke. I searched until I found a glass and poured myself some before surveying his living room.

It too was simple. It was a calm blue like the kitchen that I was pretty sure came with the apartment and had two large chairs and a big couch both facing towards a big television. I wondered if his was the place they all watched the game on Saturdays. I'd about died when they all started talking about football. I'd never really had a problem with the sport; I could watch it if enough was happening. However, once stats started being thrown out, my interest was irrevocably gone.

There was a set of weights in the corner of the room. Well, SEAL training aside that answered the question of all those darn muscles that made him so hard to move around. I wondered how long it would be until the doctors let him go. I felt bad that I had already been released. He was going stir-crazy being cooped up in that room all the time. He never let on or got cranky about it but I could tell. Sometimes he just got restless. He talked me through my nightmares and I did my best to distract him through his restlessness.

I took my time finishing my juice, feeling odd about venturing into his bedroom. Even though they were simple, the rooms of his apartment I'd seen just seemed like Lake. There was a jumbled assortment of movies and books on a shelf underneath the two large windows in the living room.

At first glance, everything was rigid and organized—cold almost. On second, you could see the warm bits of Lake: the movies, the way a big black comforter was slung over the back of the couch, the chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream in the freezer, and the pile of shoes by the door.

I rinsed out my glass and put it beside the sink. Gathering my courage, I took myself into his bedroom. It was a light gray that I also assumed was that way when he got there. The black comforter from the couch must have come from his bed because there was just a hastily straightened up black and white striped sheet on it. I smiled at the small pile of dirty clothes tossed in the corner by his dresser. I pulled open the top drawer and was relieved to discover it was filled with socks, ties, and other such miscellaneous things. I'd been sincerely worried it would end up being his underwear drawer, given that's where I hid my spare key.

I loved Lake but his underwear wasn't something I was ready to venture into—whether he was wearing them or not.

Falling asleep was harder than I'd anticipated. It took me a while to convince myself to sleep in the bed to begin with. Finally, telling myself that _Lake_ had been the one to offer his place to me, he wouldn't be mad at me or anything. I'd been sleeping in his bed for the last two weeks anyway. Why should now be any different? When I lay down and found that it smelled like him, I got used to the idea.

However, I missed his heartbeat under my ear. I felt like a puppy whose mother had left. I needed an owner to put a ticking alarm clock in the bed.

Eventually, I must have drifted off because the next thing I knew I was staring into blackness, heart pounding, the vivid image of a dead Lake in my mind. Groaning as I realized I was having a nightmare, I swung my legs out of his large bed. I didn't have Kelly to talk me back to sleep.

Knowing somewhere in my head that I wasn't going to get back to sleep that night, I walked drowsily into the bathroom. I stood and waited until the tap water was running hot before washing my face and pulling my hair back. After that I grabbed the big comforter off the back of the couch and curled up in the chair, turning on the television without really looking for something to watch. I sat there and drifted unhappily between awake and drowsy as my brain melted to SpongeBob Squarepants.

That was how Red found me at seven-twenty the next morning. SpongeBob had ended and I was watching old episodes of Magnum P.I. Tom Selleck in short shorts always amused me; at least when I was conscious enough to find anything amusing. He was chasing someone down in his red Ferrari when Red walked in.

"You could've slept in the bed," he stated with a chuckle.

Yawning, I replied blearily, "I did for a while."

After noticing my red, bloodshot eyes he seemed to realize what had happened. He quickly crossed the space, helped up me out of the chair and sent me to the bathroom to change clothes for the day. I yawned in response to all his orders. The next thing I knew, my head was drooping against the window of his truck and I had a piece of jellied toast in my hand I was supposed to be eating.

When we stopped he came around to the passenger side without a word, shoved the piece of toast in my mouth, picked me up bridal style, and put his arm through my crutches like one would a purse. He kicked the door of his truck closed and I lazily took the toast into my hand and began nodding off against his shoulder.

Lake was awake when we entered, surprisingly with my book in his hands. It was immediately on his little rolling table when he saw us in the doorway. I was transferred to Lake like an infant without putting up a fight. My eyes began to drooping of their own accord. I heard Red apologize for having to leave in such a hurry but I'd made him late. Pulling myself from semi-sleep, I called after him, "Honey, I'm sorry for making you late!"

"Don't worry about it, babe."

Lake looked down at me with worry but he managed to put a smile on, "You're out of college, you know. You can stop pulling all-nighters."

Groaning, I snuggled comfortably into his shoulder, "Then tell the Lake in my dreams to stop dying. His persistent disregard for my heart rate and REM sleep is beginning to disrupt my beauty rest."

Lake wasn't sure whether to take the humor or be worried like he felt. To be honest, I wasn't sure which one I wanted him to take either. Finally, after that sigh of his, he kissed me as he sat us down. When my eyes fluttered open afterward—his kisses always had that effect on me; I couldn't help it—he had a small smile, "How do you use such big words when you're this tired?"

"Big words are my friends." Yawning, I rested my forehead on the JKL on his neck, "I will sleep."

Kissing my temple as he grabbed the book, he whispered as I slipped out of consciousness, "You don't need beauty rest to be beautiful, Jess."

* * *

And we continued in that routine for a few days. I tried as best I could to sleep at Lake's house but I wound up watching Magnum most of the time. I got to the hospital and fell asleep as soon as we arrived. I slept and Lake read the book. He liked it a surprising amount, he admitted. I wrote back to Ngozi and told him all about what I was doing.

I loved being able to spend twelve hours and more with Lake everyday. Arianna was the best friend I'd ever had but Lake was giving her a serious run for her money. I don't know how he managed it since half the time I didn't but he seemed to understand me. He understood my humor, personality, and fears. We didn't agree on everything but, other than some teasing and bickering, we let the other keep their opinion. It was incredible to be so accepted.

I was in love with Kelly Lake and every moment more I spent with him in that hospital only made me love him more. And…I had the strong, hopeful suspicion that he loved me back. All my fears about me bolting and being scared of something more than nameless attraction were proved silly. I had the exact opposite feelings. I _never_ wanted to leave him.

For the first time ever, I could actually describe my life as something resembling…perfect.


	12. XII

"Kelly, will you calm down? It's only Jell-o," I laughed.

Despite popular belief about hospital gelatin desserts, the jell-o at Norfolk was really rather good. Lake was upset because they'd brought him lime, which he hated no matter the quality of the jell-o. Although, it was more about the fact he was still in the hospital than the jell-o.

He needed to get out of that hospital. I was _this_ close to breaking him out.

Groaning, he folded his arms over his chest and did his version of pouting which included a menacing glare and grumpy expression. "I'm fucking sick of this food," he grumbled.

I pressed a kiss to his cheek, "No, you're fucking sick of this hospital. You just want to make your own damn jell-o." His expression failed for a moment, a small smirk showing through at my profanity.

"I want my ice cream," he muttered, reminding me of a four-year-old.

Smiling, I said in a feigned teacher tone, "Well, if you're a nice boy and say please then I'll go and get you some before your bedtime." I received a glare and then got tickled mercilessly in the side. I was in the middle of begging him to stop amongst bouts of laughter when the door opened.

We were both so used to our visitors just being Arianna, Red, Doc, or LT that neither of us took much notice until the loud throat clearing a moment later. Our heads shot up to see Lake's doctor in the doorway. He was looking at us like we'd suddenly grown extra limbs—apparently an intimidating guy like Lake wasn't supposed to be tickling me—but neither of us moved from our entwined position. I just leaned back to settle on his chest more comfortably. I'd gotten over my shyness about being close to Lake in front of people. I was just far too comfortable to really mind.

Seeing that we weren't going to move anymore, I assumed, the doctor cleared his throat again. This time, he smiled, "Well, petty officer, I've got some good news for you. You're going to be on mandatory leave for at least the next two months, perhaps more if physical therapy deems it necessary, but from today on you are released from the hospital."

Lake's face lit up like he was that four-year-old and he'd just woken up on Christmas morning. We were out in less than two hours.

* * *

"But Lake, where are we going?" I asked that night as he pulled me out of his apartment. I was venturing forth without crutches when I felt up to it and was beginning to be very happy with my decision as his arm snaked around my waist.

"You'll see." He wrapped his arm more firmly around me as I flinched at the autumn cool that wormed its way through his sweatshirt when we got outside. He even put the heater on for me when we got into his truck. My persistent fear was embarrassing, but it was still there, dogging my every step. The fact that Lake understood made it better.

I sat in the warmth of the truck as he drove us off base, me wondering where on earth we were going. Every time I asked he just smirked and refused to look over at me. It was really quite infuriating. When I told him as much he grinned even wider. Sometimes, Lake really annoyed me.

Huffing to myself, I sat with my arms crossed in the passenger seat when we pulled up to a Walgreens. Rolling his eyes, Lake chided, "Stop whining and get out of the truck, Jess."

Suddenly smiling, I rolled my eyes back and acquiesced. I was ready to throw some smart comment at him as I met him in front of the truck. However, he leaned down and kissed me before I could get the chance. "Come on," he stated while taking my hand and pulling me forward before I could gather my bearings.

I was still slightly inebriated on his kiss and didn't realize where we were headed until we came to a stop. I found myself looking at a wall of nail polish. When I glanced out of the corner of my eye, I saw the grin on Lake's face. "Pick one."

Squeezing his hand, I said, "You know, you really are an incredibly sweet man. No matter what you want people to think of you."

Grinning, he squeezed back, "Don't know what you're talking about, Jess."

"Sure you do," I quipped, bumping him with my hip. I'd seen the way the cashiers and other customers looked as us when we came in. It was a mixture of fear at the ripped man with the mohawk and confusion as to why I was holding his hand. Either Lake didn't mind or he was just very, very used to it. If it didn't bother him, it didn't bother me. I knew what the truth was. I think he actually rather liked being intimidating in his own way. It probably kept the idle chatter from strangers that he disliked so much from happening.

After I picked out a dark, deep blue with sparkles in it, he asked, "So, what do I have for food in my house? I didn't check."

Laughing, I shook my head, "You're such a guy!"

Raising his eyebrows, he questioned, "Would you rather I not be?"

I glared, "No. And besides beer, you've only got orange juice and a bunch of pop tarts."

"Well, at least the beer is covered."

Immediately pushing him away from that particular cooler, I ordered, "Oh no you don't, Mr. Pain Medication. Don't even think about it."

"You're no fun."

"I'll live with the fact," I laughed. "Come on. I can get stuff to cook. You can at least cook a little, can't you?" He glared at me. I took that as a yes.

We ended up back home within the hour. Well, we ended up back at his apartment in the hour. I had to keep reminding myself that it wasn't really my home, no matter how right it sounded. We were both a bit too injured still to make a big night on the town, which was fine with me. Any date that involved me being able to walk around in pajamas was awesome in my book.

After returning, I put on said pajamas. These had evolved into my own plaid pajama shorts coupled with one of Lake's large Navy shirts. I switched them out every so often. I liked it when they smelled like him. Breaking out my new nail polish, I climbed up onto one of his barstools, putting my feet up on the other one.

Just as I was finishing on my last toe, he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. I smiled and leaned back into him. We just stood there like that for a long time. Finally, I glanced back at him, smile still firmly in place, "Thanks for my first date, Kelly."

He leaned down and kissed me before replying, "Haven't you had ones before this one?"

"None that mattered." I got up and kissed him once more, beyond happy that I got to do that all the time now, before asking, "So, what do you want to help me make for supper? You allergic to anything?"

Following me to the other side of the island, hand never leaving the small of my back, he shook his head, "Nope. I'm the lucky one of the family."

Smiling, I nodded, "Me, too. Arianna's allergic to everything it seems."

"Poor Doc."

We continued chatting like that as I began gathering the stuff to make lasagna. Ari always teased me that I should be Garfield's owner because it was kind of my specialty. I just liked making all the layers. I made Lake help me out with everything, much to his amusement. Apparently me ordering him around like LT made for funny first date memories. It made me warm and fuzzy that we could do something so simple and domestic and still have fun with it.

There was none of that first date awkwardness, either. Though, by that point, if we had, I'd say there was something wrong with us. We'd been through far too much to be like middle schoolers.

I'd just put the pan in the oven, when I felt myself being lifted onto the counter. Squeaking with surprise, a smile had just taken form on my face when it was ambushed. Wrapping his arms around my waist, Lake's mouth was soon on mine, kissing every thought out of my head. My stomach began to shiver, making goose bumps appear on every exposed surface of my skin as we passed the place we'd gotten to the other night with our first real kiss.

It had been a few days, but we hadn't been as intense as that first time when we'd been interrupted. I wasn't the kind who usually initiated these things and I got the feeling Lake wanted to "do things right." He wanted to take me out on dates and make our relationship feel like it had a fairly normal basis. We already had all the basis we needed, but that didn't mean it wasn't nice to go back to the beginning.

At that moment, however, I wasn't thinking about any of that. I wasn't thinking about anything at all except the swell in my chest, the shiver going all the way to my toes, and the way Lake's tongue was sliding against mine. I heard myself moan as my arms wrapped tightly around his neck, needing something to ground me so I wouldn't melt onto the counter.

The kiss intensified to the point where my legs were wrapped around his waist and his hands were up my shirt, clutching my back, running down my skin. From there, my hand had slid up his neck to play in his hair.

A loud knock at the door broke the moment, leaving us breathless and shaking. Red's muffled voice came through the wood a moment later, "Hey, Lake! Open up."

Groaning in annoyance, Lake dropped his head to lean on my shoulder, "I love him like a brother, but Goddammit I hate him."

I let out a breathy laugh, running my hand through his mohawk to try and make it appear less mussed—and because I just liked to touch him. "My thoughts exactly."

Grinning when he stood straight, Lake pressed his forehead to mine for a moment, "I love you, Jess."

Closing my eyes at the feel of him so close and his words on my skin, I replied, "I love you, too."

I had just said the three little words—the three little words of doom in my case generally—and it felt like the most natural thing in the world. I didn't need to think about it; I just knew.

Before either of us could move from that position, Red got impatient and opened the door, letting himself in. As soon as he saw us a large grin appeared on his face.

"You know there's a door for a fucking reason, right," Lake stated with dry exasperation.

"There's also a lock. It's not my fault ya don't use the fucking thing." Not missing a beat, Red smiled at me, "Hey, babe. Am I interrupting somethin'?"

I smirked, "Not yet." He slipped from his leaning position against the island at the same time that Lake stumbled on his way to close the door. Giggling hysterically, I took in the shock on their faces. It was priceless. Apparently shy little Jess wasn't supposed to make such comments. I found it hilarious.

Finally getting a hold on his thought processing abilities, Red shook his head and demanded, "Lake, how come you always get the good ones?"

"Because I'm better looking."

As Red's head turned towards mine, Lake's followed. I found both staring at me expectantly. Holding up my hands, I looked from one to the other, "Oh, no. Don't you guys dare put me in the middle of this!"

At my panic, they grinned. Red held out a hand that Lake immediately slapped. I rolled my eyes, smiling in spite of myself. Men…

Red hung around for the next couple hours, eating a good portion of the lasagna, which didn't really surprise me. He and Lake ate like horses. For as much as they worked out, I counted myself lucky to get any of the food. Red talked about their training and what they'd been dong the past few days. I could tell that Lake missed it.

It helped immensely that he was out of the hospital, but he needed to get out there and do his thing again.

Red also let us know that our isolation with each other was coming to a swift end. Lake mumbled something along the lines of, "It hasn't already?" We exchanged a grin at that.

Red continued, apparently not hearing him, "Yeah, tomorrow's Saturday and the Patriots are playing. Amy told LT she might come around, too."

So my suspicions were correct. Lake's place was where the football was watched. I groaned a bit, causing their gazes to fall on me. Red rolled his eyes, "Don't tell me you're one of those women that hate football."

Lake smirked, leaning back in his chair, "Oh, she doesn't mind football. She's just scared we're gonna start rattling off stats and bore her to death."

My eyes widened. I hadn't told him that. How did he know? Raising an eyebrow, I ordered, "You stop it with your SEAL mind reading tricks, mister." His faced pulled into a full-sized grin at that. "It's not me you have to worry about. I'll go with the flow."

Red interrupted with a smirk, "Right. You're never bossy."

"Honey, meet my mom sometime." The death glare that appeared on Lake's face gave Red all the more information he needed on that subject. "It's Arianna you're going to have problems with. She hates football."

Lake shrugged, "That's Doc's problem."

Laughing, I joked, "Band of brothers, my ass."

"Oh," Red continued, shifting slightly uncomfortably in his seat. I'd learned that with these guys, that didn't necessarily mean awkwardness or embarrassment. No, with them it meant hiding their feelings. That's why it didn't surprise me when he said, "Slo's funeral is Sunday, too." We were all very quiet for a while.

After I refused to help them with dishes, we found ourselves on Lake's couch. I dozed on his side as he and Red commenced killing each other and funny-looking aliens on Halo. The last thing I remembered that night was Red screaming, "You son of a bitch! I can't believe you stuck me!" before Lake violently shushed him.

I shot straight up as I felt my head being plunged underwater, eyes of my dead students staring up at me from the bottom of the tank. I'd woken up before I could more than glance at a pair of large, green ones: small mercies. Chest heaving as I attempted to get control of my breathing, I looked around to find myself alone in Lake's bedroom.

The clock on his nightstand read 2:37 so I was surprised to hear Red's voice coming from the living room along with Lake's. Given they weren't swearing at each other like pirates, I assumed they'd stopped playing Halo. Grabbing the black comforter, I swung myself out of bed, wrapping it around me to fight back the shivers. On shaking legs and a pained knee I stumbled into the other room.

Both looked up at me, but I laid down in between them on the couch before either could say a thing. I laid my head against his chest, my ear over his heart, and wrapped my arms around his waist.

Lake was alive. I could feel his heart beating. Now I could sleep.

I was out again before they said anything.


	13. XIII

I rolled over to find my way blocked by something large and warm. At first, it wasn't the fact I was blocked but that I could actually roll over that threw me. I'd been sleeping in hospital beds for so long I'd forgotten what it felt like. I opened my eyes to find Lake staring back at me, propped up on an elbow.

Blinking a few times, I smiled, "Hi." I'd already gotten used to getting up like this—I wasn't sure I ever wanted it to change.

He didn't return the gesture. He continued to stare at me, green eyes trying to bore into my soul from the intensity I saw. For the moment, I ignored it. Lake got broody sometimes, especially when he was thinking about something serious. At those times it was best to just let him think. Reaching my arms as high above my head as my injuries allowed, I stretched out. When I looked back up the brood hadn't left. If anything, it had gotten stronger.

My stomach immediately went to mush and my breath hitched. It was an increasingly strong side effect I was experiencing whenever Lake looked at me quite like that. Pushing through my breathlessness, I questioned, "Lake, what's wrong?"

I let the silence linger mainly because I didn't have the presence of mind to speak when he was staring at me like that. Somewhere, hidden in the place my conscious mind had melted into, I was worried about Lake. Something was up. His voice was uncharacteristically tentative when he said, "Jess, I don't want you to leave."

Frowning, I shook my head, "Kelly, I'm not planning on going anywhere. Not yet."

"No, Jess…I-I mean…Will you stay with _me_, Jess."

This time it wasn't just how he was looking at me that made me speechless. I'd been engaged. I'd been proposed to. I'd had someone tell me that they wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Despite that those had turned out to be lies, the much simpler, less committal words out of Lake's mouth with that stumbling shyness so unlike him made those other things feel like nothing.

I was still just staring up at him, him looking at me expectantly, when a loud knocking on the door made us both jump violently. I groaned while Lake remained silent. The role reversal was disturbing. He rolled out of bed, running a hand through his mohawk in what I recognized as a nervous habit. His first words since him laying his heart out and asking me to stay went something along the lines of, "Red, I fucking hate you! Hi, LT, Zee, Dr. Lena, Amy."

I heard Red's voice next, "Sleep late? It's almost noon." The humor there was clear.

"Pain meds will do that to you. And I still hate you."

Swinging my legs off the bed, I walked as quickly as my knee could take me out toward them. Smiling at the others in greeting, I ignored them after a second, choosing instead to grab the back of Lake's neck and pull him down to my level. Staring straight into those green eyes, I smiled quickly before kissing him far too deeply for in front of people in answer to his question.

I pulled away after a wonderfully heavy moment and began greeting Lena whom I hadn't seen since the guys' memorial. I smiled to myself seeing the meaningful looks Red and LT were sending toward a positively dreamy Lake—if Lake being dreamy is at all possible. It was the first time I'd seen him look quite that dazed. It made me feel rather proud of myself, actually.

Doc and his interminable houseguest known as my sister arrived about a half an hour later, after the rest of us had already dispersed ourselves amongst the furniture. I'd already denied Lake a beer once and was harrying Red about rubbing that fact in his face to the others' amusement when Arianna burst into the apartment, Doc following behind with clear bemusement.

Somewhere along the line Arianna had been informed that she was going to be watching football that day. My sister was _not_ happy when she had to watch football.

Glaring at the group of us, completely missing the practically sniggering Doc behind her, her eyes landed first on me, then Lena, then Amy. Pointing at us in turn as well, she declared, "You three, get up. We're going shopping!"

Lena and Amy looked at her with bemusement whilst I groaned, "Come on, Airhead, really? I don't want to go shopping with you!"

"Yes you do, you just don't know it yet."

Glancing toward him, I demanded, "Doc, control your woman. The responsibility's passed to you."

Doc stopped sniggering abruptly. When she spun around and then glared at him, he looked more like a cornered rabbit. Let his SEAL training help him then… While she was distracted, I did the intelligent thing and began searching for some sort of weapon or defensible position. I found both in the forms of the remote and tightly sandwiching myself between Lake and Red respectively.

As I knew I would, I needed that defensible position a moment later.

One of the things most people did not give Arianna credit for was her strength. She certainly had it, though. Stepping forward in a dance we'd had before, she grabbed for my arm where it was clutching Red's. Wielding the remote in front of me, I threatened, "Injured! Don't even think about it!"

She paused, drawing back for a second, before lunging violently towards me. For hating football, she'd make a great tackle. I was able to launch the remote but it was all for naught as soon as she got a good hold on my waist. Being so much shorter than her was just not fair. I clutched at Lake's arm for a few seconds before she had hauled me back far enough. Implementing the _only_ strategy that ever seemed to work, I flopped all my weight down once she was supporting me entirely. Squeaking in surprise, she fell, dragging me down with her.

"Not going with you!" I rasped firmly, attempting to ignore the spasms going up and down my back.

"Don't tell me you don't need some clothes besides Lake's," she brought up. At the annoyance on my face, she correctly assumed that wouldn't get her anywhere. I had no problem with Lake's clothes whatsoever. Suddenly pouting she asked with a quivering lip, "Please?" She looked at me with that puppy dog look she'd had ever since she learned what manipulation was and I sighed.

"Dammit," was all I said before she bounced up with glee. I'd really wanted to actually spend a day with the remaining guys that did not involve being shot at or discussing my problems. I didn't care if some football was involved. Arianna bounded about like a three-year-old for a few moments as I pulled myself to my feet as best I could. LT held out a hand to help me the whole way up. Thanking him, I turned to Arianna, "Will you calm down?!"

"We're going shopping! We're going shopping!" she continued to sing-song.

Smiling in spite of myself, I could only shake my head. There was a reason people loved her so easily. I made my way back into the bedroom, slamming the door shut in sort of mock anger. I pulled some fresh clothes out of my bag and rounded up my crutches. While spooning with Lake all night hadn't hurt anything, flinging myself to floor certainly had. I was going to need the metal contraptions today.

I reentered the living room, kicking my crutches before me while I pulled on the leather jacket of Lake's I'd taken possession of before. I hadn't noticed the pure silence until I considered myself ready and was adjusting my crutches. I looked up to see the group staring at me, Lake's smirk filled with amusement. "What?" I demanded, already irritable from readying myself for the cold. "Airhead, you wanted to go freaking shopping so let's get going!"

As odd as it was, I was being the person with the cattle prod and everyone got moving after I said. I found myself in Amy's car soon after, already groaning at the pain my knee would be in at the end of the day and the shivers going through me.

We hadn't even left the base before my sister rounded on me from her place in the passenger seat, "Okay, spill it, Jessicka." Once again, I found everyone staring at me.

"Spill what?"

Amy laughed, "I believe what everyone would like to know is what all is going on with you and Kelly." At my shocked look, she smiled, "Yes, I know his first name, too. Mike was never one to keep a secret like that from me. Personally, I too would like to know about that little display you gave us all when we arrived this morning."

My cheeks immediately gained about twenty degrees. Clearing my throat a few times, I attempted to get some words around that. This made Lena and Amy laugh while Arianna looked panicked. "What did I miss?!"

Lena was the one to explain with a laugh, "Oh, just your shy sister here making out with her man like the rest of the world didn't exist. She left him positively dazed."

Arianna screeched in a high-pitched girly way, but something else was on my mind. My voice wasn't far above a whisper when I breathed, "He asked me to stay."

Lena and Ari's faces didn't change much. Amy however sent me a long, meaningful look in the rearview mirror. The more time I spent with Lake, the more I understood why she wasn't completely broken down the day before her husband's funeral. She was hurting, but she knew what she'd signed up for marrying him. She'd prepared herself for the possibility as best she could. Before she could say anything however, my sister queried, "For how long?"

"Honey," Amy began, "he didn't ask her to stay for a visit or to stay at his place. He asked her to stay _for_ him." I got the feeling that she and I were the only two in the car that truly understood what that meant. Lena and Arianna hadn't reached that point in their budding relationships with SEALs. I didn't care how long we'd been together. When it came to certain things, I felt like Lake and I had been married for years, which made me feel terrified and extraordinarily content at the same time. Our shared near-death experience had fast-forwarded some things, trust and very personal understandings of each other just two.

"I don't understand," Arianna asked after a long silence in which Amy and I shared a look.

"It's different when they ask you to stay," I explained, staring at my blue polished fingernails. "It's not like they're lawyers or mailmen or salesmen or something where they come home every night and injuries are rare. They're SEALs. Leaving and getting hurt are in the job description. The women who love them have to take that with them. I think they get walked out on a lot. Some women just can't hack it. Lake is saying he trusts that if I say yes, I won't decide it's too hard and walk out while he's gone..."

Amy nodded, "Honey, you've got no idea how often that happens, especially when they first get in. I have spent more nights cooking heartbroken men cookies and whatnot than I'd like to remember. Lake doesn't risk it very often. You're good for him, though."

I shook my head, voicing a fact that had been nagging at me, "He deserves far better than me."

There was silence in the car until we reached the mall. All the seriousness of before was gone by then. Despite the dry sarcasm I'd been inheriting from Lake, it turned into a fun girls' day. I think we all needed it. I'd missed hanging out with my sister. She'd always been my best friend and it was nice to just goof off like before.

For as much as she teased me about Lake, I made her blush up to the roots of her blonde hair about Doc just as much. She really did like him, I could tell. She only blushed about the guys she was truly interested. Perhaps, that explained why she was the one in the biggest hurry to get back to Lake's…

The game was long done when we arrived. I zipped up the coat all the way before gimping up the stairs to Lake's apartment. I focused on the animated, cheerful conversation instead of the waves of chills running through me. Thankfully, none of the other women noticed. We entered and as I stripped off multiple, heat-retaining layers and leaned my crutches against the wall, Arianna dropped herself straight into Doc's lap without a word. Apparently, our teasing had made it as obvious to her how much she liked him as it had us.

I retook my place between Lake and Red, leaning against the former after he'd wound an arm around my shoulders. As the guys continued to all argue about the game, this undeniable sense of normalcy settled upon the room. It didn't matter that Slo's funeral was the next day, or perhaps that made it possible. Either way, for that wonderful moment in time we were all just a group of people that cared about each other with no wars to fight, mothers to drive away, or feelings to dissect. We were all just ourselves.

Unsurprisingly, Red was the last to leave that night. Pizza had been ordered and a beer drunk by everyone not on pain medication. After Red had finally left, I wanted nothing more than to put on my pajamas and not move until the next morning. My knee was killing me and my shoulder wasn't feeling so hot, either. After helping Lake clean up the last of the beer cans that had found their ways to random end tables and counter space, I smiled, "I _need_ pajamas."

We hadn't spoken much since that morning. In fact, I wasn't sure that we'd spoken at all. He didn't reply as I turned and walked into the bedroom. Afterward, I would wonder why I didn't close the door, if I was just that comfortable or my subconscious knew something I didn't.

I didn't turn on the light as I found my pajamas from the morning lying where I'd thrown them at the end of the bed. Without really thinking about it, I pulled my old clothes off and his shirt on. I didn't notice Lake until I heard his soft chuckle when I ran into problems.

He was leaning against the casing as I fought my shoulder as it drug its heels getting into my shirtsleeve, even though the shirt was his and far too big. I'd been on my crutches too much and it was sore and stiff. Voice riddled with frustration, I demanded, "Little help, please?"

He stepped forward without a word and gently guided it into the sleeve. He gathered my long hair together and pulled it out from underneath the collar, pressing a gentle kiss to the base of my neck that all but made my knees give out. I could hear the smirk in his voice when he said simply, "Jess, calm down."

It struck me suddenly how well Lake understood me. No one had ever just got me before. I didn't have to explain or hint. He just understood. He could cut into my mood with a single action and make it do a complete 180. With Lake I was just me. I was just effortlessly me and along with that came an understanding of him. I never wanted the feeling to end.

We fit.

Never being so sure of anything before, I turned and wrapped my arms around his neck. Playing with his mohawk a bit, I couldn't help but grin when I met his questioning green gaze, "Kelly, I want to stay with you. I promise I want to stay… You're stuck with me."

Before I could blink his lips were on mine, hungrily telling me how happy he was by kissing the smile right off me. I was suddenly overtaken by giggles at how completely ecstatic I was. Lake pulled away, only centimeters away, and breathed, "I love you, Jess."

"I love you more," I retorted, rocking up on my toes and kissing him again. His arms wrapped around me and from that moment my body took on a mind of its own. My hands wandered through his hair, down his perfectly muscled arms, and across his equally perfect back. The kiss I initiated turned into something so deep and need-filled I thought I might disappear into it. And noises that I hadn't known I was capable of making poured from my throat as his calloused, gentle hands touched every surface of me they could find, recklessly ignoring my shirt and brushing over my back, shoulders, stomach, and chest. When he got up there, it was only his arm around my waist that kept me upright, as the unconsciously loud moan I gave out showed.

I was lost in this blissful, firework-filled haze until I felt the edge of the bed against my knee. I glanced down at it after my eyes had flickered open. I honestly wasn't sure which one of us had propelled us there, but after the second of thought I needed, I decided I didn't care.

Lake was breathing heavily when I looked up at him in the semi-darkness. His eyes were dark, bottomless, and looking solely at me. For a long moment, I lost myself in them, hands running absently over his scarred, healing stomach. Lake was a gorgeous man, no matter how many scars he acquired…and he was mine.

The trance I was in only deepened as he cupped my face in his hands. The reverent way he touched me made me feel loved like I never had before. He waited, saying nothing and not pushing forward. The bed loomed to the side of us, creating a tension from its undecided purpose. I got the distinct feeling that while he was aching for it to be used for more than sleeping, he was perfectly fine with that not happening.

I didn't have that kind of altruism…

As Lake's thumbs began to trace circles on my cheeks, the tingles that he was continuously, daily making in my stomach erupted into something much stronger. I answered the question he left unasked as I grabbed a hold of his shirt and began pushing it up over his head. He didn't fight me as I threw it to the ground. He returned my grin, however, when I wrapped my arms around his neck.

His strong arms snaked around my waist, pulling me off the ground as we fell back against the bed. My shirt soon followed his. I wanted nothing more in that moment than to have Lake make love to me forever, but self-confidence hadn't really been my thing since my former fiancé had tried to sleep with my sister. Laying there exposed on top of him, I was self-conscious. Lake had called me beautiful before but this was…different.

Very different…

Somehow, seemingly reading my mind as he was so good at doing, he ran his hands down my sides, going back and forth over my hips, thumbs massaging my hipbones. When I managed to look him in the eyes again, he smiled at me before gently running a hand down the cut on my back and murmured, "Jess, you're perfect." As soon as the smile and blush appeared on my face, he hungrily began kissing them away.

I slipped back into that beautiful haze of touches, tingles, kisses, desire, and the overwhelming knowledge that Lake loved _me_. Me and _only_ me. He had no other motivations except that he purely loved me. The way my heart soared with every touch, made it even clearer that I was head-over-heels loving him, too.

I was never happier in my entire life than when he made love to me in his arms.

I gazed drowsily up at Lake hours later, very early in the morning. Neither of us had the energy at the moment to get up and turn off the kitchen light, so it bathed us both along with the green of the alarm clock. Lake's fingers were tracing swirls across the uninjured part of my back as I used his chest as a pillow. For all intents and purposes, I was his blanket because neither of us had the energy to pull the comforter off the floor, either. We were both going to be stiff and sore when morning officially came but…every moment had been worth it.

I smiled up at him contentedly until he asked, "So, what's your tattoo mean?"

Sometime in the last hours, he'd discovered the script inked into the skin of my right hipbone. It was slightly clouded with bruises still, but he'd kissed it enough times to make it out. Chuckling breathily, I explained, "It's my name in Elvish script."

I felt his laugh from where it started in his stomach as it travelled up his muscled chest. "We're not going to tell your sister I found it."

Grinning, I pressed a kiss to the skin over his heart, "I'm fine with that." I laid my head back down, not caring that my cheek was pressing into his dog tags. His name was metaphorically written all over me. I didn't care if it was physically, too.

A sudden draft blew across the room as wind picked up outside the window. From my entangled and completely naked position, I vaguely felt it. I felt the cold. Chills rose up on my skin, but none of them rode up my body in shivering waves. I suddenly frowned, glancing toward my back.

Where had my fear gone?

I glanced back up at Lake, and seeing him there with eyes closed and strong arms still around me, it suddenly hit me. With Kelly I didn't need to be scared. With him, I wasn't scared of anything. With him I was strong.

Pressing another kiss to his chest, I extracted myself from his embrace. He rolled over, watching me with confusion as I made my way to the bathroom. I pushed the door open and turned on the light, knowing what I had to do. I didn't want to be scared anymore. I pulled back the shower curtain and stepped in, turning the water on and waiting.

I closed my eyes and put my head back as the cold water began to pour over me. The shivers began and I was just about to step out, not so strong anymore with images playing in my head, when I heard the floor creak. Lake was standing behind me in a moment, arms wrapped tightly around me. Without needing to ask, he seemed to know what I was doing.

All my doubts and fears but one washed over and then off of me with the cold water as we stood there. I turned around, looking up at Lake with searching eyes before I voice the one fear that remained, "Kelly, why me? Of all the women in the world, why me? You deserve so much better than me. I'm shy and scared and skittish and bossy and not good at swearing an-"

Holding my face in his hands, he cut me off with a kiss before I could get any further. "I love you because even when you were scared to death, you trusted me. You were never scared of me. You don't see the mohawk or the tattoos or the guns like everyone else. You just see me and you still love me."

Shutting the water off with one hand, he picked me up with the other and carried me to the sink. He set me down on the edge and then grabbed a towel, teasingly mussing my wet hair with it. Making a face at him, I pulled him off balance by wrapping my legs around his waist. He caught himself with both arms, trapping me between them with his lips impossibly close to mine.

Even after our previous activities that night—him making love to me, his hands running all over me, his touch making me lose my mind and scream out his name, good stuff like that—the look in his eyes and proximity made my breath hitch.

Pressing his forehead against mine, he said, "You know, I could ask you the same thing, Jess. I'm antisocial, injury-prone, and cranky with a job with horrible hours. Why the fuck would you want to love me?"

My reply was breathless but sincere because it's what my heart told me every time I'd asked myself why he was different, "Because when I'm with you, I'm me. I've never had that with anyone else."

His green eyes searched mine for a moment before darkening. His lips were back on mine and his hands running the length of my curves in a second. My legs tightened around his waist and I held on with everything I had left as he again made me his, his lips on my neck eliciting one need-filled word from my mouth:

"Kelly…"


	14. XIV

I groaned as a loud noise assaulted my ears. I glanced up from my place on Lake's chest to see the clock reading just after six. Why was the alarm going off? Before falling into an exhausted sleep an hour earlier, we'd set it to go off at seven. The funeral was at eleven. We'd have time.

Yet, even as I stared at the clock and the banging continued, I realized that they were unrelated. Blearily, I glanced up to see Lake slightly more awake than me but just as confused. We both realized that it was the front door a moment later when said door was opened and Red stood in the doorway of Lake's bedroom.

The look of shock on his face was greater than any I'd ever seen before and his face became the color he was nicknamed for, "Whoa…"

Being too tired and, to be honest, too not embarrassed to truly care, I merely grabbed the comforter that had been jumbled around our waists and pulled it up over my head, hiding everything important from Red's aghast gaze. An irritated groan rumbled through Lake's chest. I honestly couldn't blame him. As I reburied my face in Lake, I grumbled, "Red, go away."

With that problem guys have in the morning effectively solved at Red's appearance, Lake pressed a kiss to my forehead before getting out of bed, "I'm sorry, Jess."

Shaking my head, I curled up in the blanket for a few more minutes, "It's fine."

Lake pulled on the sweatpants we'd "discarded" the night before and shoved the immobile Red into the kitchen, solidly shutting the door behind them. "Man, what the fucking hell?!"

I smiled as the only words Red could come up with were, "You…You and Jessicka?"

Lake sounded annoyed and I heard a thwack; I assumed he'd hit Red upside the head, "Glad something in your head is fucking working."

Red didn't catch the sarcasm, "I-I mean I know I told you to get on it, but damn!"

There wasn't a pause from his words until Lake's threatening tone, "What're you trying to say, Red?" I was never ever going to have to worry about my honor not being defended with Kelly. That was for sure.

"Nothin'! I promise I'm not callin' babe a whore or anything. It's just…surprisin' that's all...or, I guess it really ain't." His accent was decidedly thicker when surprised. His normal humor finally caught up with him because I could hear the grin in his voice when he said, "I fucking told you she was your woman. You can't deny it now."

"I'm not," Lake replied, all anger and irritation gone. Even through the closed door I could hear the love in his voice. "I hope she's mine forever."

Before Red could tease him about that, I had found my also "discarded" underwear and Lake's shirt. I threw them on and began finger combing my hair as I walked into the kitchen. I went over to the coffeemaker. I wasn't a coffee drinker by nature but I got the feeling I was going to need it. Fighting off a yawn, I glanced back at Red, "Honey, what're you doing here at six in the fucking morning?"

For a moment, he and Lake merely continued to stare at me. Lake had a smile in his eyes as he leaned back against the fridge. Red's mouth had dropped open the moment I stepped out of the bedroom. To be honest, I was surprised I wasn't more embarrassed. I couldn't be, though. Everything felt far too perfect to feel embarrassed. True, I was wearing underwear from Victoria's Secret, but you could only see like two inches of my thigh in that shirt… I had nothing to be ashamed of and I was happy.

Red's eyes suddenly ran up and down me. Everything important was covered with Lake's shirt, so I wasn't sure what he was so interested in. I laughed as Lake punched him hard on the shoulder, effectively breaking whatever trance our friend was under. Shaking his head a bit, Red's face broke into another grin, "You know, babe, I meant it when I said I'm free if you and Mr. McBroody here don't work out."

Lake punched him again, definitely leaving a bruise, yet Red didn't flinch. "Honey, I wouldn't sign your death warrant like that. I like you too much," I commented. As the smell of coffee began swirling about the kitchen, I climbed up on a barstool to wait for its much-needed caffeine. "So, you never answered me. Why are you breaking in at six in the morning?"

Clearing his throat uncomfortably, he gave a bit of a nervous laugh, "Funny story, that. Umm, LT actually told me to. He wanted it to be Slo's last act. He had the annoying habit of waking us up too fuckin' early. Lake, you remember that mission to…"

"…to Malaysia. Yeah, that bastard blew an air horn in the fucking barracks." They shared a smile at the memory before their gazes turned sad. Despite everything, their friend was still being buried today.

I didn't intrude on their moment as I poured myself coffee in a juice glass. It was all I could find in the cupboard. They both looked back at me as I returned to my chair. Lake caught my eye and I sent him a smile. We just stared at each other for a long moment before he turned to grab food from the fridge. When I looked back at Red, he was grinning like an excited mother before her child's first prom, looking between the two of us multiple times.

"Well, I'm going to head off to Doc's. I'll say hi to your sister for ya, babe."

The ornery twinkle in his eye made me nervous. Narrowing my eyes, I commented, "Is that all you're going to say to her, honey?"

He grinned, "I'll try, babe. I'll try."

Still glaring, I demanded, "You better. I'm not dealing with the both of you in one day…"

Red shrugged, "Just give her shit about Doc. She hasn't been sleeping on his couch for the last week unless he's on it with her." I coughed violently into my drink. Arianna had left that part out, though I'd had suspicions. Red grinned, "You hear interesting things in the locker room that we force out of Doc…"

Smiling in spite of myself, I shook my head, "I'm not even going to ask. See you later, honey."

"Bye, babe. Bye, Mr. McBroody."

Lake didn't turn from the double-decker peanut butter and jelly he was making, "I can kill you in your sleep, Red."

"Love you, too, buddy."

With that Red shut the door and we were alone again. Setting his plate down on the island, Lake pressed a kiss to my cheek, "I'm sorry about him."

I shrugged, smiling up at him, "I promise, it's okay. Seeing him blush like that was worth it." He chuckled at that as he sat down. Smirking into my cup, I added, "The other benefits were pretty good, too."

He grinned at me, "I aim to please. Here, something tells me you're hungry, too." He handed me half of his giant sandwich. My stomach growled embarrassingly loudly at that moment and he glanced at it, grinning wider.

I slid my cup over to him before I took a bite, "And you're gonna need the caffeine just as much as me."

We ate the rest of our breakfast in silence, the upcoming day dawning on us again. He pulled me in for a kiss when we put our dishes in the sink before going to dress for the day. I pulled on the same black dress and jacket I'd worn for their memorial and watched from the end of the bed as Lake pulled on his sleek dress uniform.

* * *

I knew it was a terribly sad occasion—even in the short time I knew him, I'd recognized Slo as one of those men you deem just too good to die—but I loved seeing Kelly in his uniform. It's a bit of a cliché amongst women, but a true one. We really do love a man in uniform. I think the only thing I liked seeing Lake in more was nothing…

Thankfully, he didn't look back at me in time to see the blush that rose in my cheeks. Yep, I was definitely head over heels.

We left together at nine-thirty, our presences and silence more comforting than any words could be. We were the first to arrive at the church. Amy was standing in the foyer, looking caught between sobbing and smacking the funeral home man in the face. I knew those men had hard jobs, but some of them didn't know when to be quiet. Lake's arrival shut him up for her and the three of us stood in silence after her hushed thanks for being there.

Lena, Arianna, and I sat together in a pew behind Amy and the team as the somber proceedings commenced. It was so sad it was almost beautiful. I had never been good at paying attention during funerals. My defense mechanisms had always made my mind wander so I couldn't focus on the immense sadness of the event. For the hour long ceremony, I kept thinking about how pretty the flowers were, how Slo probably wouldn't have cared about them, and how very not like Slo the whole thing seemed. He seemed far too funny to be connected to an event like this. The couple of times Amy caught my eye, I could tell we were thinking the same thing. Each time, despite the tears running down her face, we shared a smile.

I rejoined Lake as our quiet procession followed the eight sailors before us, bearing Slo's casket.

The chill of the October wind didn't bother me as we made our way outside. However, the sight before me did. I felt Arianna freeze beside me as soon as we were out the doors. The hand that wasn't holding Lake's immediately reached out and grasped hers. She squeezed back.

Amy let out a sob behind us as she caught sight of the line of protesters before us on the opposite sidewalk. Catching the looks on our faces, she shook her head and managed to croak out, "It's fine. Their being here means he did his job. Mike would've laughed. I promise, it's fine."

Turning to look my new friend straight in the eyes, I said earnestly, "No, this is _not_ fine. It's wrong and it's about to be done. Don't worry, we've done this before." I turned to LT, "Sir, do you think you could get this paused for a few minutes. Give us a chance to break it up?" LT nodded; I don't think he trusted himself to speak. Glancing at my sister, I queried, "Do you want here or the cemetery?"

"I don't care. Do you want mom or dad? She'll be at the cemetery. She always is."

Glowering at the screaming people before us and their horrible signs declaring God's hatred for soldiers and that the only good soldier was a dead one, I bit out, "I'll take her. You going with the Bible or freedom approach?"

Arianna and I had been to our fair share of rodeos like these before. Most of the time we didn't know the soldier, but every time we could make it, we did our best to come out and stop the worst of our mom's protesters before they got in full, insulting swing. Usually Arianna took on our mother, though. She always seemed to have better luck because I didn't have the courage.

She shrugged, her blonde hair bouncing on her shoulders, "Judging from the signs, I think I'll take the Bible. I'd go with the freedom one with her, though. She's gotten comebacks to the religious ones."

"Dammit, she got smarter while I was gone. Good luck, Ari."

"You, too, Sicka." Turning to Doc, she pressed a kiss to his cheek. "I'm not going to be able to make it to the cemetery. I'm sorry. I'll call you later for a ride?" He nodded, sending disgusted looks at our parents' minions and grateful ones at us. He gave me an appreciative nod before kissing her on the mouth.

Squeezing Lake's hand, I sighed, "Can I borrow your keys? I want to get there before Slo does."

"Sure." His voice was deadly. Given his way, I knew that all the people out there would likely be wounded in some way. Lake wasn't necessarily a violent guy, but he did not suffer any injuries to his friends.

When he pressed the keys into my hand, I leaned up and hugged him, kissing his cheek before whispering, "I'm sorry. You deserve better."

A deep-seated guilt began fighting for space in my mind with my anger. If I hadn't been here, if I hadn't pissed off my mom, if I hadn't broken up with David, then likely none of these people would be here. It was my fault. Lake truly did deserve better than me and my baggage. I blinked back tears as his truck's engine turned over and I pulled out onto the street. Maybe it would be better for them if I just…wasn't there. My presence never seemed to help anyone.

It wasn't hard to find the cemetery. All I had to do was follow the line of my mom's protesters along the streets. Within twenty minutes, I knew over half of them would be gone. Arianna was great at getting into their heads, breaking their convictions for the day. Having murderous looking SEALs within sight wouldn't hurt her cause either.

I came to a stop, parking the truck on a side street at the gates of the cemetery. The one thing I could say for my mother was she never went into the cemetery. It was a small mercy, but a mercy nonetheless, one of the few she ever gave anyone. My knee flared up in pain as I strode toward them, unsure of how to go about this.

My mom smiled slyly when she saw me, "Jessicka! How is your morning going?" I took a smug satisfaction at the black eye on her perfect face.

"It could be better." Taking a deep breath, blinking back a sudden onset of tears, I began again, "It would be better if the wife of one of the men who died to save me did not have to deal with her last moments with him being desecrated by ignorant bigots."

My words did not faze her, "You always did have a nice, full vocabulary, darling. I'd hoped you'd learn how to use it one day. Apparently your teaching degree didn't provide that. Oh, by the way, look who I brought to see you!"

As if stepping out of my worst fears and into the real world, a smiling David came out of the crowd, holding a sign with halfhearted interest and a smile showing his belief that he was God's gift to women. My breath caught.

This day was officially fucked.

Steeling my tears, I drew to my full height, as short as it was, and ignored the strain my knee screamed to me about. Looking at the two people who had done the most to make me ruin my life, I narrowed my eyes. I was once again angry. But…But this time I wasn't just angry for Slo or Amy or Arianna or Doc or Red or LT or Lena or even Kelly. For once in my life, I was angry for myself, too. I was angry that I had been wronged by the two cruel beings before me. One had never loved me like a mother should and the other had pretended to love me for money. Both were oblivious to how they'd grabbed my heart and crushed it on multiple occasions.

Most of it was for Slo and Amy, but a big part was for me. I was finally going to stand up for myself.

"Get. Out." I pointed down the street, far away from their position now, my glare focused completely on my mother.

David looked at my mother first, taking his cue from her before beginning to laugh hysterically. "Oh, Jessicka, sweetheart I have missed your jokes."

My gaze turned to him from a moment and I snorted, "David, _sweetheart_, I suggest you leave right now before my current boyfriend, this dead SEAL's teammate, gets here. If he doesn't kick your ass," I smirked as the slightest bit of worry seeped into his eyes, "Arianna sure as fuck will."

He sent a few panicked looks toward my mom. She hadn't told him about Lake, apparently. Unfortunate for him. I hadn't allowed myself to see it before, but David was a terrible coward. If it took that little to cow him, I didn't know how I'd ever let him dictate my life before.

"Don't listen to her, David. She's lying. What man would date her without motivation?"

"A man that loves me, mother. Now leave. I'm begging you to just leave." The indifferent laughter that came from her mouth gave me pause. I took another deep breath, steeling my courage once again.

"When have I ever listened to your begging before, Jessicka? There is no reason I should now. Now either grab a sign or get out of the way." She lifted her God hates Soldiers sign and began yelling again, ignoring me completely.

"That man gave his life saving three dozen others he didn't have to! Even you should have a little compassion somewhere!"

David took over her cause of belittling me, "Why should I care about the people this government deemed important enough to save? What did you see of it, anyway? I doubt you were even there when he died."

Letting out an angry sob at the memory, I bit out, "I closed his dead eyes, David. And I saw more in twelve hours than you have in your pathetic lifetime." I lifted my voice above the crowd's, drawing the attention of all but my mother, "And you should care because the people he saved me from did _this_."

I kicked off my shoes, shrugged off Lake's coat, and then reached back an arm to unzip my dress. Tearing off the garment and throwing it to the ground, I turned around to expose all my injuries in their grotesque glory. I showed them the scars that would mar me forever. There was an intake of breath I heard over her continued yelling.

"The people he protected us from did this and far worse. I know that war is not your favorite thing—it wasn't his either—but what that man did was heroic and I'll be damned if I let any of you soil his wife's memories of him. Now, GET OUT!"

I do not to this day understand how it worked, but my standing there in my underwear, bruises and wounds exposed, made all but the great Astrid Francis and her lapdog sheepishly put down their signs and walk farther down the street. They stayed as a group, but their signs and voices stayed lowered.

My mother and David merely stared at me as I pulled my clothing back on, both surprisingly silent.

Hearing the funeral procession approaching, I looked to my ex-fiancé again, "David, I'm not kidding. Leave now." He looked caught between self-preservation and the greed for whatever my mother had promised him this time.

"I-I don't believe you," he stuttered.

Snorting, I raised an eyebrow, "It sure sounds like you do."

I stood there, between them and the gate, as the cars got closer and closer. The hearse pulled up past me and through the gates. My mother continued to yell and scream, but the sight of a single woman yelling angrily with a sign looked more ridiculous than righteous and she knew it.

A few cars after the hearse came Red's truck. I expected it to continue past me but he parked it on the side of the road. I didn't turn around as I heard him and Lake approach. Red's voice was deceivingly jovial when he came to a stop beside me, "Hey, babe, you all done here?"

I smiled back up at him, "Not quite." I leaned into Lake as he came up on my other side and wrapped an arm around my waist. "I'm just waiting for these two to leave. Lake, Red, this is my mother and…David." While I'm sure Lake had figured that out already, I still felt him tense when I said my ex's name.

As Red continued to smile in a way that let you know he wasn't far from leaping at you, Lake's silence loomed intimidatingly over the two people before us. David had shrunk back, almost completely hiding behind my mother. "Hey, Jess, you might want to convince them to leave here pretty soon. Doc hung back with Arianna. They should be here shortly. If the mood she was in when we left is still there, I don't think they'll wanna be here. She can get fucking scary."

Lake's voice was low when he said with a disturbingly calm tone, "They shouldn't be here now."

"I'm not scared of my own daughter or you, you stupid jarheads," my mother bit out. David merely quivered behind her as I noticed Lake's stare was focused on him.

I sighed, "Mom, they're SEALs. They're Navy, not Marines. How you insult grandpa doesn't work for every branch of the military. Now, please leave."

"We have a legal right to be here," mom smirked. "The United States judicial system will back me up on that…again."

"And I have a legal right to beat the man into a pulp who broke my girl's heart."

David's mouth opened and closed like a fish for a moment before he dropped his sign and stuttered, "Astrid, I-I don't think I can help you out with this one. Jessicka isn't the girl for me. I don't want her."

"You don't fucking deserve her, you fucking pansy!" Lake was livid, the emotion of the day as a whole getting to him. I recognized the amount of self-restraint it was taking him not to hurt David.

Nodding hurriedly, David agreed, "No, no I don't. She's all yours!" With that he sprinted down the street. I blushed at the fact that I'd ever dated that…man. When compared to Lake I really wasn't sure what David was. He definitely wasn't a man like Lake.

"Come on, babe. Let's get going. Amy's waiting." I wrapped my arm around Lake's waist and went through the gates with the two of them, leaving the great Astrid Frances alone with a sign in front of a cemetery.

* * *

The day passed in something akin to a self-induced blur. Amy took everything like a champ, getting through the cemetery and the folded flag and the gunshots with a smile and dry eyes. I admired her more with every moment. I knew I would never be able to be that strong.

I could see her resolve shaking, just like the guys' as they were all set upon by fellow mourners. It didn't surprise me that Slo was as loved as it appeared he was. It seemed that half the base was at either the cemetery or their home afterward.

We had all been at the house, Arianna, Lena, and I taking it upon ourselves to help with food and whatnot. Guests didn't ask who we were. It didn't matter. It wasn't our day. The team stayed grouped together, resting on the strength they had in their numbers. I had lost track of time, an immense feeling growing steadily that I didn't quite understand.

Someone asked me where Amy was, wanting to give her their condolences, but as I'd looked around I didn't find her. I smiled at the officer and replied I'd send her his way if I saw her. Now that I looked, I couldn't find her anywhere. I ventured further into the house, past an invisible line that had been drawn to protect the private spaces of the dead man we were there to honor.

I found Amy in a linen closet, hiding her face in a pillow on the floor of the tiny space. I didn't need to see it to know she was sobbing all her grief away in her hiding place. I could hear it in every ragged breath she took. Not knowing why exactly, I sat down across from her, closing the door behind me. We sat there, our feet and legs touching in the cramped space, without a word.

After a long time, Amy reached out a hand that I grasped tightly. She suddenly began telling me the story of her and Slo. She told me everything from the night they met until he had left on deployment for the last time. I was inescapably honored that she chose to share this with me.

Suddenly, she looked up at me through her tears, "This is his pillow. It never mattered how long he was gone. I refuse to wash his pillow while he's gone…It smells like him." I could only squeeze her hand, beginning to be overcome by the tragedy of it all.

It was ever more confusing to me how my mother could condemn these people. How could she not respect the sacrifices they made for us? How could she not understand? How could anyone not understand?

Saying I was sorry just didn't seem good enough, so I squeezed her hand again. We sat there for a while longer until she looked up at me, sniffed, and forced on a smile. "Sorry about that. I knew it was going to come sooner or later. By the way, the time with them is worth the risk." With that, she stood and marched back into the fray.

Smiling, I didn't think I'd ever met a woman like Amy before. I didn't think there were many women like her out there period.

* * *

Lake and I lay in bed that night, both very quiet, both lost in our own thoughts as he held me. Nothing to make Red grin like a sixteen-year-old had happened, but that was all right. I just loved being with him.

I couldn't say that much of what I was thinking about wasn't Slo. I was thinking about Slo and Amy and dying and a million other possibilities that I didn't really want to deal with. But, somewhere inside me, I knew that I needed to. I assumed that most women in my position—dating a man with a job like Lake's—didn't quite have that argument with herself so early on. Our running through a jungle kind of fast-forwarded it for me. I knew firsthand what kind of things they dealt with, and I knew the horrible alternative they faced when things didn't go right.

Sometimes death happened.

Did the fear of Lake dying scare me enough to make me leave?

As soon as I worded it that clearly in my mind, I knew the answer: absolutely not. I would rather have ten minutes with Lake than leave him because I was scared of a maybe. I was no Amy—I wasn't that strong—but I wasn't one of those other women, either. I wasn't going to leave in the middle of the night because I was scared. I was with Lake; I didn't have to be scared.

Smiling, happy with the strength of my feelings, I curled into his chest and hugged his middle, "I love you, Kelly."

I could hear the contentment in his voice, "I love you, too, Jess." I felt his hand on my face and he turned my chin until I looked up at him. Running his thumb down my cheek, he smiled, "So much, Jess."

My eyes closed of their own accord as his thumb continued to caress my skin and I shivered at the loving way he said my name. My stomach and chest were already beginning their beautifully expected malfunctioning when his other arm wrapped tightly around my thighs and pushed my face up to meet his. His lips were on mine before I could get over the rush of desire from his strong, calloused hands on my bare skin.

As my back injury protested against my arching back, I gasped breathily out, "Lake, we're going to get ourselves killed if we keep this up."

"Jess, I'd rather die with you than anyone else in the world."


	15. XV

"_So, tell me Mrs. Francis, what is your purpose here? What is your protest concerning this time?"_

I looked up with a sinking heart the next morning as Lake and I ate breakfast. The television in the living room was on so we could watch the morning news. My toast remained halfway between my plate and my mouth as her horrible face appeared on the screen.

"_As always, we are protesting this governmental abomination that is the military. We have no need of them. People want to get rid of nuclear weapons; why not get rid of all our weapons. People do not attack people who pose them no harm. That is this country's biggest mistake. Also," _she smiled toward the camera, appearing to stare straight at me, _"this is a little more personal for me than usual. My daughter is hiding on this base from me at the moment. Jessicka, darling, I'll be here until you leave._"

If the reporter had any other questions for her, I didn't hear them because Lake had shut it off with the remote before slamming the device angrily down on the island. Sighing, he wrapped an arm around my waist and kissed the top of my head, "Don't listen to her, Jess. You have every right to be here. Let her stand out in the cold."

I stayed silent, only managing to squeeze the arm around me tightly without beginning to cry. It crashed down on me once again that he deserved so much better than me. He deserved the world. He deserved perfection. He _was _perfect. Even with any and all little quirks he had, he was perfect. They were why he was perfect.

He deserved the same.

I couldn't give him a mother-in-law who wasn't mentally psychotic. I couldn't even give him comfort in his own home… What good was I?

I knew what I had to do before our breakfast was even over. I knew and I hated it and I hated myself. I picked at my cereal as Lake got ready for physical therapy. He didn't ask when I didn't get prepared to go with him, although he looked worried. I guess he figured I needed to sort through some things on my own.

He pulled me into a strong hug when he reached the door, ready to leave. "I love you, Jess. See you later."

It was worded almost more of a question than a parting sentiment, but I nodded to him as I lied, "Yeah. Arianna wanted to hang out today. She's going to come over later. Kelly, I love you, too."

He visibly lightened at that, no longer so worried about me. I felt even worse at the clear sign of affection for me. Putting a hand behind my head, he pulled me in for a kiss. Smiling, I stood in the doorway and watched him walk down the hallway, fighting tears until he disappeared and I let them go.

I threw all of my stuff back into my duffle bag, zipping it closed the first chance I got. I pulled out my checkbook and wrote one to Red for what I owed him and placed it on the island underneath a cup. Unable to stomach giving it back, I pulled on Lake's Navy hoodie and readied myself.

My mother said she wouldn't leave until I did. Well, I was leaving.

I didn't bother with calling a cab or getting someone to drive me when I started out for the front gates of the base where the protesters gathered. I felt like punishing myself too much. So, it took nearly an hour but my crutches and I made it to the front gate and I once again faced my mother.

Despite being only around nine in the morning, they were in full swing, screaming and yelling themselves into heaven. I couldn't help the spark of shame that flared up as always when I saw her at it. She was such a horrible woman.

The soldiers at the gate let me through, looking at me oddly, as though they recognized me. I wasn't sure how they could, but I ignored it. I didn't even wait for her to fully notice me before I yelled, "Mother, I'm here. Let's go!"

I tried to just continue walking, ignore everyone as I tried to keep my breaking heart inside of me. He deserves better was all I kept telling myself. He deserved better than me.

For a long moment, she seemed to be in shock as their screaming quieted and the clicking of my crutches was the only sound aside from my shallow breathing as I fought tears. Finally, it seemed she got a hold of herself as she ran to catch up with me. I vaguely noted the news crew that was never more than two steps from her. As their camera was shoved in my face and she roughly caught a hold of my arm, I was forced to stop.

"Jessicka!" she began with as much pride as I'd ever heard in her voice when aimed at me. "I'm so glad you've finally seen sense." She moved in to hug me, but I shouldered her away.

"I hate you," was all I said, tears taking hold of my breath and holding it hostage. Though I was bursting with hatred, my heart was ripping itself into so many pieces nothing else could get out.

She continued smiling into the camera widely, loving the publicity as always. "Tell me, darling, why are you here? Why did you leave your soldier? Did you finally see that he wasn't worthy of you?"

There she went. She'd insulted Lake again.

Allowing my crutches to clatter to the ground, I physically pushed her away, though my tears stole any venom from my pathetically shaking voice, "I'm leaving because you won't until I do. I'm leaving because he deserves so much fucking better than me. I'm leaving because you're nothing, _nothing_, and just being related to you makes him ten times better than me." Choking back a sob, I finished, "You're making me break my own heart, you horrible bitch. Be happy with that. Now, we're leaving."

I continued walking, leaving my crutches and sobbing until the snot and tears began mixing on my neck. The camera crew didn't follow me. I don't think they had the heart.

My mother didn't actually leave until the next day, when she was confronted with the fact that she had said she'd leave once I did. She very unwillingly packed up her hatreds and put them on a plane back to Wisconsin.

I was too heartbroken to care. I'd put myself on a plane and gotten a cab straight to the house of the one person I knew wouldn't turn me away. I rang the doorbell with still trembling fingers. It opened and I immediately fell into the occupant's arms, sobbing. "Hi, Grandpa."


	16. XVI

**Part 3-Wisconsin**

I looked out of the window of my room at the snow that had begun swirling to the ground nearly two months after I left Norfolk. It was the second week of December and I was just as miserable as when I had left him.

As it always did, thinking about him made me stare sadly into my cup of hot chocolate. Grandpa had cut me off from bourbon. I'd taken to having at least two glasses of it a day, generally at night when I had nothing to occupy my guilt. Though he understood why, he'd cut me off two weeks prior.

"Your sailor wouldn't want you to turn into an alcoholic over him," he'd said. I'd immediately caved. Any mention of Lake resulted in me caving, usually into tears.

I hadn't heard a word from Lake in those months, which I understood. He'd so quickly and easily given me his heart that I knew it would hurt incredibly when he found out I'd left. I wouldn't blame him if he hated me. In fact, I kind of hoped he hated me. I wanted him to hate me and move on and find someone better. I wanted him to find the best woman in the world, one without baggage and crazy family members.

Arianna hadn't been home yet, either. She'd quit her job at the hospital and gotten a new one in Norfolk. She'd moved in with Doc. I had boxed up her things in our old apartment and shipped them for her. My actions had kept our mother away, so I was happy that they were happy. She Skyped with me a few times a week, begging me to come back at least once each time. Generally that was after I'd worriedly asked how Lake was doing. Each time, she would sigh, say that he was okay but that I should just come back and see for myself.

That was how our conversation had been that morning. She'd been in an uncommonly good mood because Doc and the others had just gotten back from a week-long deployment. I'd been incredibly relieved when she said that Lake had come back fine. It had been his first operation since Nigeria. My heart had been holding its breath for the past seven days, though I'd tried to hide the fact from her. I knew I failed, but I tried anyway.

We'd talked and chatted and she'd gushed about Doc most of the time. It was toward the end that she'd glanced behind her oddly and then asked, "Jessicka, why were you scared? Why were you so scared that you left?"

She'd asked me that many times, fear being her explanation for my departure. She thought my heart had gotten scared and I'd left. I hadn't taken the initiative to correct her before.

Groaning, I shook my head, "Ari, I wasn't scared. That's the thing; I'm never scared with Lake. When I'm with him I have no reason to be scared of anything!" My voice had progressively risen as I'd finally explained, but it went quiet as I continued, "I left because he deserves better. He deserves more. It doesn't matter that I'm in love with him. She wasn't going to leave until I did and I wanted him to have better. I wasn't scared, Ari. I'm too in love with him to have been scared... Bye, Ari." I'd quickly ended the call, not wanting her to see me begin sobbing.

I'd gone downstairs after getting ready for work, tears still falling. Grandpa had given me a tight hug, immediately understanding. I'd explained the day I got there and he'd happily let me stay. Out of everyone in the world, he probably understood the best. He was a Marine and his wife, my grandmother, had divorced him the day he got back from a year-long deployment. He understood heartbreak.

He continuously told me that my mother wasn't a good enough reason to leave Lake if I loved him, but he didn't seem to blame me for my actions. He seemed to understand my reasoning, especially after I'd showed him the video of me leaving. The news crew's video had gone viral before I even made it home. Anyone standing up to Astrid Francis and calling her a bitch to her face was an accomplishment to quite a few people, apparently. I'd had more than one stranger stop me on the street or at work and thank me for my courage.

My courage didn't make my broken heart feel any better.

After receiving a kiss on the top of the head from my grandpa, I'd pulled on my thick winter coat and headed to work. It had been a slow, long day at Wal-Mart, my lovely place of employment, and I'd come home, depressed as usual.

I sat there nursing my cup of hot chocolate and didn't take much notice of the headlights passing. My drink was gone an hour later and, sighing, I decided to get up and take it downstairs to soak in the kitchen. Sliding my feet into a pair of socks and pulling my arms further into Lake's Navy sweatshirt I still wore every single day I began the trek down the stairs.

When I heard the two male voices, I shrugged it off at first as the television. It wasn't until I had to walk past the living room that I realized I was wrong. I froze where I stood, dropping my coffee cup straight to the floor. I'd recognize that mohawk anywhere…

Each holding a can of beer, Grandpa and Lake were sitting down talking. Kelly Lake was in my grandpa's living room.

Eyes wide, I stared at him for a long moment as those green eyes I loved so much found mine and my choice of apparel.

"Oh no," I finally squeaked, backing hurriedly away and trying to hold back tears. I snatched my cup up off the floor and sprinted into the kitchen. In my usual graceful way, I slipped on the linoleum and fell flat on my ass.

I just stopped trying at that point. Sobbing hysterically, I folded my hands in my lap and refused to look up even when I heard footsteps behind me. I could sense the two of them but I just couldn't stop crying.

Grandpa picked my cup up and set it in the sink, nonchalantly saying, "Honey, he's not all that bad…for a sailor, at least." I heard Lake snort softly at that. Voice gaining an element of seriousness, Grandpa continued, "Listen to what he's got to say, sweetheart." He leaned down and kissed the top of my head before leaving the room, "I'm gonna go see the boys at the Legion." The front door closed soon after, leaving Lake and I alone.

I, however, continued refusing to even glance up.

Lake sat down before me. At first, he reached out a hand to touch me, but pulled it back. Finally, he sighed that sigh he always had whenever I was crying. This time, his hands made it to my face and, brushing away my tears with his thumbs, he made me look at him.

"Jess, I'm sorry." I frowned, not understanding, and he continued before I could protest, "I should've listened to Red and Doc and come a hell of a lot sooner. I-I was so mad I couldn't stop believing that you left because you didn't love me. Arianna thought you were scared and that's why you left. Doc and Red kept trying to tell me that wasn't why. Red kept telling me, his words, that babe loved my stupid, antisocial ass too damn much to leave because her feelings had changed. The only reason you would leave me was because you loved me. He said I was fucking stupid to not go after you and figure out why."

I shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. Curse Red for knowing me so well. Lake wasn't supposed to still love me. He was supposed to hate me, no matter how much even the thought killed my heart. Apparently sensing this, he suddenly smiled, "I convinced myself I hated you. But, then we were deployed and the one and only thing I thought of once I stepped off the plane at home yesterday was how much I wished you were there waiting for me."

"So," he continued, "I did what any guy would do. I went to see Red and Doc and got really, really drunk and passed out in Doc's kitchen. When I woke up this morning, I walked into his living room to find your sister talking to you. If I hadn't known before, just hearing your voice and wanting nothing more than to just hear you say my name convinced me I couldn't hate you. Then she asked you why you left."

He trailed off then and stared at me for a long moment. "Jess, do you really think I give a shit about your mom?"

Sniffing back tears, I whispered, "She wasn't going to leave, Kelly. You should have better than her."

"I don't want her," he said simply. "I don't give a fuck about her. It's not like we're going to invite her to Christmas or anything. I'm not in love with her; I'm in love with you. I want you there when I come home. I want you, no one else, Jess. I. Love. _You_."

My resolve was quickly dying. "You-You still deserve better."

"And Jess, you deserve to be happy, too. You've been running blocker for your sister your whole life. Just because you never let her notice doesn't mean we didn't… Jess, what will make you happy?"

The intensity in his eyes was the one I remembered. It made every part of me bubble up with warmth and memories of the last time he'd looked at me like that... My mouth answered before I could even begin to try and lie, "You. You make me happy."

He smiled, "Then come back, Jess. You're stuck with me whether you like it or not." Before I could breathe, he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. My arms wrapped themselves around his neck, knowing exactly what they were supposed to do. They were supposed to never ever let him go as I forgot every miserable moment I'd spent without him as his mouth brought my heart back to life.

In that moment, I knew. It didn't matter what happened with my mother or David or the world, I was never leaving Lake again. He may have deserved better, but he wanted me and I was selfish enough to want to keep him to myself forever.

I, Jessicka Francis, was once again actually, truly, indescribably happy.

* * *

Groaning slightly, I picked my head up to see my alarm clock blinking angrily at me. I was supposed to get up and go to work. As the strong, warm arm around my waist tightened, I knew there was nothing in the world I wanted to do less. Stupid work.

"Lake, I have to go to work."

He pulled me closer to him and muttered, "Fuck work. You're going to quit and come live with me, anyway."

He had a good point there. Smiling at the thought, I relaxed back down. "Okay."

An hour later, the two of us had pulled ourselves out of bed. We'd been up late, just talking. Lake had become my best friend while we were together through everything along with my boyfriend. I hadn't spoken to him in two months. Although it was peppered with a generous amount of kissing, all we did was talk. I couldn't express, even to myself fully, just how much _better _I felt now that he was back. Everything just felt so inescapably right.

Though he was always rather smiley around me, he was even more so that morning and I figured he was feeling the same. Grandpa smiled at the two of us over his coffee when we descended the stairs. "Good to see you're still around, sailor boy."

Lake smirked at him, "Thank you, sir."

"If you take my granddaughter back halfway across the country and don't invite me to Christmas, I'm going to find you and show you what it would've been like in the Marines."

His tone was still jovial as he continued reading the paper. I just shook my head. Inter-branch relations were odd. Lake replied as he sat, "Duly noted, sir."

"I like him, Jessicka. He knows what's what for a sailor."

I just shook my head as I shoved a bowl of cereal at Lake and sat down to mine, "You two are weird."

"You love us anyway, sweetheart," Grandpa replied.

* * *

We remained there at my Grandpa' house for another day, packing up all my things. The snow had stopped falling the day we decided to go home. I was in the middle of carrying a small stack of boxes when I looked up to see a car drive up. Suddenly not worrying so much, I continued smiling.

I didn't care they were here. They didn't mean anything.

After I'd set down my burden, I waved as they exited the car in starkly contrasting amounts of confidence. "Good morning, mother, David."

David looked up at me but did nothing more, slowly following my mother as she stormed toward me, taking my collar in one hand.

"What in the HELL do you think you're doing?!" she demanded, likely attracting the attention of the entire neighborhood.

"Moving," I replied calmly, though cringing a bit when I heard the front door open and shut behind me. I'd rather hoped that Lake and David would never run across one another again. Also, when my mom and Grandpa were within the same space, things tended to go badly.

I saw her eyes widen as she looked behind me and she abruptly released her grip on my coat and shoved me to the side. Marching forward, she screeched, "This is all _your_ fault!" Given they were standing right next to each other, none of us were sure if she was yelling at Lake or Grandpa.

The former glanced at the latter, silently inquiring what he thought. Grandpa sighed with resignation, "I'll take this one. Astrid, go home. Jessicka is a grown woman and can do what she pleases. It doesn't matter if you're her parent, she's outgrown your usefulness, as you constantly have been reminding me every time you've see me for the last twenty years."

"No! No, I had her where I wanted her. She was a good daughter. She was always a good daughter except for her stupid love of you! It's all your fault! You stupid, fucking waste of space that God punished me with as a father."

He sighed again, "Yes, I know. You've mentioned it. Please go away." She continued to scream profanities at him, occasionally hurling one at Lake as well. My two soldiers stood there placidly while I continued stacking my boxes. It was useless to try and cut her off midstream. She'd get tired and leave eventually.

Then suddenly, Grandpa interrupted, "Why in the fuck is he on my property?!"

David paled at being brought to the group's notice. I felt sorry for him in a way. She had made him into her new me, it seemed. "He is here because he is Jessicka's real future!" my mom screamed. She returned to David's side in a flash. "He is here to remind Jessicka how much she loves him and how wrong the last two years have been while she's been denying her love for him. Jessicka, darling, you've really been a horrible lover."

I began to laugh hysterically. At the mere thought that I now, after everything, loved David or that we had ever been lovers was so completely ridiculous I found it incredibly amusing. I had to take hold of the bed of the truck to keep from falling as my laughter made my back hurt.

When I managed a straight face again, I smiled at her, "I'm the ugly sister, mom. You should've promised him Arianna, although now that won't do much good given that she's been living with a sailor for the last two months." I gasped with her mockingly as she opened her mouth to protest, "I know whatever is that horrible girl thinking?!"

Smirking conspiratorially I continued, "I'm not sure, but I'm thinking it has something to do with him being a total sweetheart and loving her. Stuff like that. Despite what David's told you, offering to sleep with a girl's sister usually isn't the way to get her to marry him.

It took her a moment to recover. "He-He would _never_. You misunderstood as always." Here she began poking David in the back, prodding him toward me. "Tell her, David. Tell her she misunderstood horribly."

Clearing his throat took a few minutes, because David had gone white as Lake stepped forward to stand beside me. "Jessicka, babe,"

I cut him off right there. Red called me babe. Babe was a term of endearment from a friend who loved me like a sister and had my back. I was _not_ going to let David soil my experience with it. "Say that one more time and I punch you in the fucking face," I bit out.

He tried again, "Jessicka, darling, I-I am afraid you don't understand. When I spoke to your sister all that time ago, I was intending something completely different. She-she had flirted with me before and-and I was trying to understand the extent of her intentions. It-It doesn't matter to me if she is the more beautiful sister. You-You are just as good."

Lake cut in there, speaking for the first time, "Jess, can I kill him?" I laughed at that. Lake didn't truly mean it—he had better self-control than that—and his smile to me confirmed it. David didn't know that, however.

"Astrid, I'm out. You and your crazy daughters are on your own. I'm not going up against him!" He promptly turned and ran through the snow to the car.

I grinned as they drove away, "Now all you have to do is worry about Red." Lake smirked at my teasing and kissed the top of my head.

* * *

"Hi there, babe!"

Jolting awake from my place against Kelly's shoulder, I swung my head around until I found the source of the voice. Blinking sleepily, I managed a smile when I saw it was Red, "Hi, honey. It's been awhile."

"I know. Come here, babe." He held his arms out and as I crawled out of Lake's truck, I immediately fell into them. Red was happy I was back. I hadn't mentioned it to Lake, but I'd been worried that the others would hate me for breaking their friend's heart. I couldn't and wouldn't blame them if they did. However, Red was welcoming me back like nothing had happened.

"I'm glad you're back, babe. I could use some good lasagna." I laughed at that and gave him a friendly kiss on the cheek before grabbing a few of my bags and finding my place back at Lake's side. It was three days after he'd come to get me to see sense in Wisconsin. We'd taken our time in driving back, given the snowy weather in most places.

I was never being away from him again. I loved him too damn much.

"So what're ya getting me for Christmas, babe?" I laughed as Lake simply punched his best friend in the shoulder. I was home.


	17. XVII

**Part 4-Home**

I got a teaching job at the base elementary school the next school year.

It was once again almost Christmas when I woke up one morning, groaning at the how cold the bed was. Kelly had been on deployment for a few weeks. Thirteen days to be exact. I could've given the hours and minutes, too, if someone happened to ask. I'd gotten as used to him being gone as I could. I never knew how long he'd be gone or when exactly he'd be back, but the anticipation for his return kept me going. It didn't matter how long he'd be gone because he'd always come back to me. I believed it with all my heart.

Pushing our huge golden retriever, Red, off my legs I stretched and crawled out of bed after my face-licking of a good morning. Lake had gotten me Red about after his first long deployment to keep me company while he was away. He'd insisted on the name, saying that the dog and his friend looked similar. Red had called him a dumbass and punched him in the arm. I generally just referred to my dog as buddy to keep either from being angry with me. Red, the man, spent far too much time with us to have him be cranky with me.

After a shower and making breakfast for the two of us, I pulled on my teacher clothes and Red followed me to the door. He stayed at the daycare attached to the school. He was gentle enough that they left the toddlers with him to play. When I was feeling especially lonely, I tended to make myself feel better by thinking of the possibility of Red playing our kids one day.

The year I'd been with Lake had only strengthened my feelings for him. He was it for me. Nothing on this earth could make me leave him ever again.

As I reached our front door, I pressed a kiss to my fingers and then pressed them to the wood. I couldn't explain why I did it, but every time he had to leave and he wrapped his arms around me and kissed me goodbye then disappeared through the door, I found myself staring at the closed door for at least twenty minutes. When I finally realized what I was doing, I would always press a kiss to the wood. After his first few deployments, I found myself doing it religiously every time I walked out. Kissing the door somehow replaced kissing him when he wasn't there. It was stupid but I couldn't bring myself to stop.

With my door properly loved, I walked through and headed to work.

I was reading a letter from Ngozi to my third graders. I had made him my class's pen pal and the kids loved hearing about his life so far away. I was almost done when there was a sudden knock on our classroom door. I knew who it was before I even turned because all the little girls began grinning widely.

They all had _huge _crushes on Lake.

Smiling, I put the letter down and asked with feigned confusion, "I wonder who that could be?" My students giggled.

Lake greeted me with a kiss when I opened the door. I hugged him with abandon, ignoring the various kissing noises the kids were making in the background. Grinning at the children, Lake asked, "Do you think I could borrow your teacher for a few minutes, guys?"

Frowning, wondering what he was up to, I told them to be good for a few moments and followed my boyfriend out into the hallway. I turned around from closing the door, beginning to ask what he needed, and immediately froze. Lake was kneeling before me on one knee, a small square box in his hand.

I almost fainted.

His proposal was interrupted before it really began when I heard one of the little girls screech happily, "_Miss Jessicka's getting married_!" Immediately after there was a stampede of little feet toward the door and about twenty faces were pressed up against the glass, staring at the two of us.

Grinning up at me, Lake asked, "Is she right?"

Laughing I nodded through my tears, "I told you that you're stuck with me."


End file.
